While pregnant with my first son I envisioned listening to my favorite music while laboring, and letting those familiar songs take me to a far away place.  This place would have no pain of course, and I would need no drugs, only songs, to get me through.  Naive?  Probably.  Also, my husband never got around to making that awesome playlist I had written up for him.

I didn’t listen to any music.  The only background music I heard while in labor was the beeping of the multiple machines I was on, and the heartbeat of my then unborn baby, which echoed in the room.  Eventually we turned the TV on and I watched my soap opera at 1 pm while the midwife broke my bag of waters.  This is the only time marker I recall, so thank you, Day of Our Lives.

If all goes according to my plan, my next son is going to be born in comfort of my own home.  My doula came by and said our home had a warm and inviting feeling.  This made me feel even better about our decision.

Once again, I am imagining using music during my labor to “take me away” as Calgon would say.  I do believe there is a transformative power to music. As a teen music was my escape from the shitty life I had and the shitty home I lived in.  I shut myself inside my shitty room and cranked my Smashing Pumpkins to 11.  I cried to those songs and dreamed I would get the hell out of that place one day.  And I did.

Radiohead, Zwan, Smashing Pumpkins, Nickel Creek, maybe some Sigur Ros. These are artists I want in my labor playlist.  Do I sound like a product of the 90′s?  (You may be wondering where the hell Nickel Creek fits in.  The fiddle and banjo make my heart happy, so sue me.)  I went on a shopping spree last week.  Over multiple moves (high school home, to college dorm, to townhome with my then boyfriend (now husband), to apartment in NY, to duplex in NY currently) my favorite cd’s were lost or scratched beyond repair.  So, I rebought them on Half.com.

This Side, Why Should the Fire Die?, Mary Star of the Sea, Amnesiac, all came to live with me this week.  Many of my other cd’s I wish to listen to are still in my basement to be rediscovered.

I popped in my Zwan cd yesterday and felt so happy to hear them again.  It has been years.  A part of me was afraid the music would remind me of the bad times, or my younger life of concerts and traveling.  For whatever reason the cd only makes me feel hopeful and joyful.  I doubt I could listen to Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness during labor, or any other time, and not remember playing the cd every day for 3 years and feeling sorry for myself.  But Zwan came at a later point in my life when things weren’t as bad because I made them better.  I was older and had a license.  Life wasn’t as sucky.  In my new life, this morning, while washing dishes, I had tears streaming down my face just hearing my beloved Zwan.  In my former life I got 2 Smashing Pumpkins tattoos and one for Zwan. (Yeah, I have band tattoos, and non band tattoos.  I also have/had quite a few piercings.  I was a wild child!)  In my new life, Billy Corgan has disappointed me.  Thanks Twitter for shattering the god-like image I had of him.

I haven’t listened to new music since college.  I am that person who will always love the music of their youth.  Apparently, it can mean something else to me these days.  My life is nothing like it was when these songs first came out.  I have a son and a husband.  I am about to use this music (hopefully) to bring another baby into the world.  Maybe part of the reason I can listen to these songs and not remember the bad is because during the bad I was always thinking of the good.  I wanted to get married and have a family.  I pictured myself as the best mom in the world!  I don’t know that I am that, but I think I do ok.

As a person who has used the power of music to transport herself elsewhere, I feel this plan will work and I am excited to bounce on my birthing ball, let the contractions do their job, and let Radiohead put me in a trance.  (My husband hates them and says they put him to sleep)

Anyone else use music during their labor?

To say I am not terrified of giving birth naturally would be lying. Labor is painful (unless you are an amazing hypobirther or you have that rare disease where you don’t feel pain) and I am afraid I will suck at it.  But then again, I am ready to go for it!  And I am excited to do my birth my way with the wonderful support system I am putting in place.  I will have my midwife, the assistant, my doula, and my husband.

My husband, son, and I went to meet my homebirth midwife for the first time on Tuesday.  We came armed with a million questions and stayed for 2 hours.  Even though I have been using a midwife for my prenatal care thus far, the one on one attention we received at this appointment was more than the combined time I have talked with my former midwife.  It felt great to discuss all of my fears, concerns, ambitions, goals, hopes, and expectations.  The room was relaxed, and there was a playroom that kept my son occupied nearly the entire time.  I thought sharing the questions my husband and I came up with would potentially help other couples who are considering homebirth, even if some seem silly!

1. Tub rental: do you rent a tub, which tub, and how much?

2. Does the tub come with a pump (for drainage)?

3.What documents do you need (medical history from prev doctor)?

4. What number do we call, back up numbers?

5. Travel time (she is 1.5 hours away):  when do we call?

6. What do you bring (medical supplies like oxygen)?

7. What if there is a transfer, do you have hospital privileges?

8. Should I have a birth plan?

9. Payment: upfront or after billing insurance?

10. Is there a specific birth kit you want me to buy?

11.  Should we have 2 plans (in case of change to a hospital)?

12. If the blood sugar is low for baby, what would you do?

13.  If baby shows signs of jaundice, what to do?

14. When/ how do we follow-up with pediatrician?

15.   Birth Certificate/ etc, how is this done?

16.  Clean-up?!?!  Who does this and how? (my husband’s number one concern.  Answer: they do it all)

17. What do we need in house that isn’t in the birth kit?

18.  What is your record of c sections/ transfers.

19.  If I need stitching?

20.  Tear prevention massage?

21.  Medical waste disposal?

22.  How long do you stay after the birth?

23.  How late can I go?  How will you monitor to make sure it is safe to go over?  Natural induction methods?

24. If I go “too late” would I need to deliver in a hospital?

25. What would warrant a change to a hospital birth?

26.   If in a tub, how do you tell if the cord is wrapped around neck?

27.  If I am Group B positive, what happens then?

28.  What about pushing the tummy to get blood out?  Not needed?

All of these questions were answered for us.  Some answers were surprising (like that nurses don’t need to push on your stomach every hour and wake you up, but you can do it yourself if you want) and some were reassuring (her second time mom rate of C Sections was 1% for 20 years).  I felt very at ease with her and am very confident she can help me have a wonderful birth experience.  I never would have considered homebirth with my first child, and I can tell you if I had my husband would not have budged on it.  Now, we have both learned a lot about being parents and pregnancy, as well as how the “system” isn’t always in the best interest of the mother and child.  I regret my induction with my son, which was not necessary.  If only I had known!  We had a positive outcome and still had a vaginal birth, but so many women are induced for no reason and end up having a C-Section.  I ordered my birth kit already and it is on the way, and there are so many other things to prepare.  It has been a long battle to get this homebirth, but in a way I always knew it would happen. Every time I imagined giving birth to my son it was at home.  Now it is a reality.  Yikes!

A few weeks ago I wrote about the trouble I was having getting my son to sleep the entire night in his toddler bed-“How to end Co-sleeping. Advice Needed!!!.” I WAS PLEADING FOR ADVICE!  Thankfully, tons of people (well, tons for me!) commented on my dilemma with lots of useful advice.

Many of you suggested the Supernanny tactic- this involves leading the child back to their bed and saying goodnight, and as they continue to come out of their room, you keep escorting them back over and over until they get the picture.

Others said I should put him bed in our room until he got used to sleeping in it all night, then move it back to his room.

Then there were lots of other ideas, these are just the ones I saw most frequently.

I was already sleeping in his room to get him used to sleeping in his bed all night when I posted.  This worked well, although once I started sleeping in my own room again (I slept in his room for 5 nights and he reduced his wakings and also submitted to staying in his bed, something he previously refused) and he continued to wake up once a night.

Whenever he would wake up, most nights he would not cry, but walk into our bedroom.  He wanted me to walk him back to his bed!  I did, and would sit next to him while he fell asleep.

We have tried to make this a gradual transition for him. I used to rock him to sleep and lay him in bed.  Then, I began rocking him but not letting him fall asleep.  I laid him in bed and he would make me lay next to him until he fell asleep.  I started sitting next to him rather than laying, which was a hard jump for him.  He wanted to be cuddled while he was falling asleep.  After a few nights of crying he let me begin sitting next to him.  Also, I did try the Supernanny techinique and it worked one night!  However, the next night he was so upset I sat next to him after many times of him walking out and crying.  This basically allowed me to just sit next to him.  He figured it was either let me sit next to him, or have him cry and have no Mommy at all.  He made a wise choice.

Now, I have moved from sitting next to him on the bed to sitting on the ottoman a few feet away.  We still start out in the glider.   We read a ton of books, we rock and he puts his head on my chest (and if I am wearing a high necked shirt he pulls it down so he is skin to skin!).  I sing to him and then tell him I am laying him in bed.  He then grabs his monkey which he always shoves next to me in the glider, and sits up.  I carry him to bed, he rolls over on his tummy and cuddles his monkey, I cover him up, and sit on the ottoman while he falls asleep.  He will look over to make sure I am there until he falls asleep.

My next move will be to slide my seat farther from his bed, and farther still, until I am out of the door.  This is based on a famous sleep training method that I don’t know the name of!  I don’t think this would have worked a few months ago in our case, but he is old enough for it now.

Most nights he sleeps the entire night, others he wakes up once.  He easily falls back asleep as long as I put him back in bed.

This is a vast improvement to him waking at 12 from his bed to come to ours.  It has been a very long, long road to get his sleeping habits to a place where we are all relatively happy.  Daddy can even put him to bed now, something that was impossible before.  I am feeling very good about where we are at and the progress he will make.  I believe I can get him falling asleep on his own before the baby gets here.  I am also hoping he decides to sleep all night every night, but even a few nights a week is more than I was getting just a few months ago.

The sad thing is, we haven’t napped or slept together in a couple of weeks.  At first, he would come to bed for an extra 2 hours or so with us in the morning.  And occasionally I would nap with him for some snuggle time.  Now he won’t do either.  This has also made him wake up 2-3 hours earlier than normal.  It is for the best since the baby will be here very soon, but I miss my extra cuddle time so much.

I hope this method will help others who are working on transitioning their toddlers to a bed or crib from co-sleeping.  This has taken months, just like our weaning process, to keep him happy and to minimize trauma.  Thanks to everyone who had advice or just words of commiseration.  I truly appreciate it!

This review was performed by DDL Contributor Kristen.

I was given the opportunity to review a hat made by lcraftanddesign on Etsy.  I discovered her store on Etsy because a while ago I reviewed a hat by MoBoleez, which was made for helping the breastfeeding mom to nurse discreetly by having the baby wear the hat and the brim is so wide that it covers everything.  It quickly became my favorite method of discreetly nursing in public.  The only problem was that my baby kept growing, and then the hat no longer fit her head.  I was in the market for a summer hat for my baby anyway (we spend our days at the beach, the pool and the park) and I figured if I found one with a really wide brim, it could serve a double purpose.

I found what I was looking for at lcraftanddesign’s Etsy store. The hats she sells through her store have such adorable designs that I had a hard time choosing!  I finally chose the “Crazy Daisy” patterned sun hat.  When I received the hat, I could tell that it was well made, in addition to being adorable!  One of the things I liked about it was that it has ties on it to help keep it on my 6 month olds head.  She isn’t too good about getting hats off yet but I know it’s in the near future and there’s always the wind to contend with when outside so the ties help to keep the hat securely on her head. They also help to make me feel secure that when I use it for nursing, I can reliably know that it won’t fall off her head and randomly expose what is going on underneath there!

Compared to the MoBoleez Nursing hat, this one did have a smaller diameter brim, although it was wider than pretty much any other sun hat I have encountered, so while it works well for nursing, it would be even nicer if it was a tad bit wider to make me feel even more comfortable.  The brim itself was pretty floppy, which has advantages and disadvantages.  I loved it because it shaped well to cover things when I nursed, but when she wore it as a hat, it often flopped into her face.  Easily remedied by having her add the snaps to the hat to hold the brim up.  As I stated I love that it ties, but I almost wish it had a hook and loop closure instead of ties. (snap closure available upon request) The reason for this is that I often nurse while I am wearing my baby in either a ring sling or soft structured carrier, and it’s really hard for me to tie it on her head while wearing her (if she isn’t already wearing it).  It would be easier to plop on her head and fasten a hook and loop closure instead.  However, when I’m not wearing her, it isn’t an issue and the ties actually look really cute and are also nice because no matter what size head your kid has, you can tie it as tight or loose as needed.

All in all, I really love this hat for all the purposes mentioned above.  It’s a fabulous sun hat at a reasonable price and I think it’s great to support people on Etsy.  I get so many compliments on the hat and pattern and she sells many different cute patterns in her store so there are a lot to choose from.  For breastfeeding purposes, I do kind of wish the brim were a tad wider (maybe another inch or two in diameter?), but as it is, it still works great for the purposes of discreet nursing, which is a bonus in my book!

If you’d like you can find lcraftanddesign on Facebook!

For the month of August, DDL readers can save 20% on lcraftanddesign’s hats with code: DDL20.

Kristen received a Wide Brimmed Sunhat free of charge for the purposes of this review.  All opinions expressed are genuine and 100% her own.

Today marks the first day of “World Breastfeeding Week” which lasts August 1-7.  Their theme this year is “10 Steps to Successful Breastfeeding.”

I have written a lot about breastfeeding since I started this blog.  It is something I am passionate about.  This week my featured posts will be some of my older breastfeeding posts.  My newest posts will still show up underneath so don’t forget to look for those!

Even though I am not currently breastfeeding I can still advocate!  Besides, I will be nursing again in 10 weeks or so.

Visual of my acrobatic son in bed with us

I have decided that my son needs to sleep in his own bed, all night.  Not because I don’t love sleeping with him, because I do.  I love snuggling all night and waking up next to him saying a random word every morning like “uh oh” or the standard screaming of “mama, Daaadeeee!”  I need him to sleep in his own bed because in a few short months I will have a new nursling by my side in the bed.  I will also have a husband in that bed.  Our bed is a Queen, not a stately King!

Plus, lately he has been very restless at night.  He used to wake around midnight from his own bed to come to ours (at least we get a little bit if evening time alone in bed!) and sleep all night.  Now he tosses and turns and wakes so that he can put his head on my chest or place his hand in between my boobs.  You read correctly; he likes to put his hand down my shirt in my cleavage for comfort.  This is a little thing that developed after he weaned.  He still loves my boobs but they have a new purpose.  Being that I am pregnant, him moving and kicking and doing acrobatics next to me has gotten very uncomfortable and a little scary.

Sleeping with his hands down my shirt

Since he falls asleep with me rocking him or with me laying next to him in his own bed I have a head start.  He knows he goes “nite nite” in his bed.  He has never fallen asleep on his own but he definitely knows the routine.  I just have no clue how to get him to accept that his bed is his home for the entire night.  I have tried many times to get him back to sleep once he wakes up in his bed.  It works, but he wakes up shortly after I leave and then points to the door screaming.  He wants to be in OUR bed.  I give in and we all get a good night’s rest.

For the past 2 nights I have slept on the floor next to his bed on a couch cushion.  As soon as he wakes I try to comfort him back to sleep.  So far he has crawled out of bed and onto the floor with me.  I have to put him back in his bed.  The only way he falls back asleep is if I am in bed next to him.  Even worse, he has spidey senses and knows when I leave.  I have to wait until he is deeply asleep before getting up and going back to my floor pallet.  If I were with him he would sleep the rest of the night but he knows I am not and wakes again.  This time he won’t let me slip away.  No matter how ninja like I escape after he falls back asleep he will wake up.  So for these two nights I have actually slept in a short twin bed with my son.  I have to curl up because it isn’t long enough for my body.  Often times I am relegated to a small section since my son hogs the bed.

This isn’t solving our problem.  Now I am co-sleeping in a short twin bed.  I would rather co-sleep in my comfy queen!!!  I feel like doing this has to say something.  It says “You are not allowed back in my bed for sleeping.  You will sleep in your own bed.”  But how do I get him to let me leave him?  I try shhushing him to sleep, patting, etc, things that don’t have me IN bed with him but after the 2nd waking he has none of those.  I know I have to do this now before I am too pregnant to do it later, and of course before his brother arrives.  Co-sleeping with a restless 2 year old, newborn, Mommy, and Daddy is not going to work for this family.  Sorry!

I would love any advice from those who have been in a similar situation.  Or just words of sympathy for the pregnant lady sleeping on the floor/ in a toddler bed!

The news has been dismal lately.  Every single day I see a new attack on breastfeeding. I haven’t addressed any so far because there have been plenty of other bloggers out there doing it for me.  Today was my breaking point.

Attacking breastfeeding suddenly became the thing to do.  Perhaps the attention that Kim Kardashian received for her tweet regarding nursing in public as “gross” made another “celebrity” think this was her chance to grab the spotlight for a moment.

Img: Hollywood Grind

But because this “celebrity” is Adrianne Curry (I use celebrity in quotes for a reason) she has to go further than the word gross.  In fact, if you go through her tweets she compares breastfeeding to “pooping, peeing’ masturbating, and cunnilingus”  She goes on to say “But to each their own”  This qualifier doesn’t make what was said acceptable.  That is like saying “I don’t like *insert ethnicity here*, but to each their own.”

She admitted she would get blasted for it on Twitter.  And she got some comments, though due to her caliber of followers, most cheered her on and added their own graphic metaphors for what breastfeeding in public is like.

Adrianne also admits that she was not breastfed and was told by some doctor she can’t breastfeed because she has implants. Second opinion?  Because most mothers with implants have gone on to successfully nurse their babies, including Kendra Wilkinson.

Obviously society failed Adrianne, who has had zero exposure to breastfeeding in her life.  And her persona is based upon her appearance.  Her life is wrapped up in looking good and having nice tits.  If her audience saw her nursing her baby they might not associate those breasts with sexy so much as they see them for their intended purpose.

A part of me understands how some women like Adrianne, and the author of the hotly debated article “I Formula Fed.  So What?’” have come to the conclusion that breastfeeding is “creepy.”  I myself, as a teen’ swore I would never breastfeed because these knockers were for entertainment purposes only.  Becoming an adult changed my mind.  I realized that is what they are there for.  I grew up.  I didn’t need an ad campaign to show me breastfeeding is normal. But some people do and I am grateful for groups like Best for Babes because they will change things for the better.

I am still at a loss how a mother like Kathryn Blundell can still deny the maternal instinct to breastfeed.  Even those who choose to formula for work/ supply/ etc issues usually try, and will admit breastfeeding is the thing they should do if they could.  Adrianne, on the other hand, has not yet experienced motherhood or the way it can change you.  While there is no excuse for blasting breastfeeding, especially in such a vile and public way, we can only hope she will change her mind one day and that her opinion doesn’t rub off on the impressionable youth.

I’d love to hear your thoughts!  Have you always wanted to breastfeed?  Did you ever think it was “gross?”  What changed your mind?

Photo Credit: Flickr, AFP PHOTO/PHILIPPE DESMAZES

This article was recently brought to my attention, however it appears that it is 4 years old.  Since the first publishing Rabbi Shmuley has since apologized.  I address that at the end of my response.  No matter how old the article is it is still alive and kicking on the internet and doing damage to new and expecting mothers, perpetuating “booby traps.“

Recently I read the article by Rabbi Shmuley titled “Moms, Don’t Forget to feed Your Marriages” which may as well have been titled “Moms, Screw Nature, Use a Bottle and Give your Husband a Blow Job.”

While I agree being a Mom sometimes makes being a Wife a chore, I think most husbands (good ones that is) will concede that taking care of your child is the priority.  This includes breastfeeding them for as long as the mother and child wish.  In the article, 11 months is thought to be too long!  11 months is a great acheivement, but not all mothers wish to stop there.  As much as my husband would have liked having me back 100% and our bed, he knew how much breastfeeding meant to my son and I.  Plus, he didn’t have to wake in the middle of the night to feed him.  PLUS, any time my son was cranky, I had these magic things that instantly shut him up.

Even if you take breastfeeding out of the parenting equation, marriage still isn’t easy.  Raising a child is a 24/7 obligation.  One that leaves little time for romance and sexy time.  Showering is a chore for most moms if they stay at home.  Then there is the constant house cleaning, dish washing, butt wiping, tamtrum handling, and toddler wrestling.  By bed time most days I just want to veg on the couch and eat ice cream, with or without my hubby.  He is also tired from his day job and night time toddlering that he appreciates the quiet time by playing video games.  These things make us happy, but don’t necessarily equal a candle lit dinner.

In truth, we have been trying to prioritize our marriage by going out alone at least once a month.  Somehow this keeps getting put on the back burner.  We have to find a sitter and arrange somewhere to go.

I am not even breastfeeding anymore!  But our lives are less than sexy sometimes.  The Rabbi wants to see happy, in love couples.  And breastfeeding supposedly makes that impossible.  Really?  Because even while nursing my husband and I took time to hug, to kiss, to cuddle, to say “I Love You” in front of our son, or not.  Being in love doesn’t mean having sex like you are teenagers.  Any married couple knows sex in college and sex after kids are not the same.  Being in love means loving each other even without the crazy drunk pre-kids sex.

Saying breastfeeding turns your husband off may or may not be true.  But that shouldn’t even matter.  I personally got to a point where I wanted my breasts to be left alone by everyone.  I assure you though, my husband never lost interest in them.  And my husband saw me give birth as well, and he still loves me!  He didn’t get “all up in that” but he saw things.  More things than I saw.  Yet we still managed to make another human baby, and I was breastfeeding then too!

Regarding nursing in public, the Rabbi has it all wrong there too.  Some men let their wives run around half naked for the world to see.  To each their own.  But when a mother has the top half of her breast exposed (or not even) this is considered indecent or overexposure?  This will extinguish the spark?!?!  Rabbi, do you know men?  Men get turned on by waking up in the morning.  I think they can deal with their wives feeding their own children on a park bench without a blanket over their heads.  You know what this made me think of?  This reminded me of conservative Muslim women who have to wear burkas in public and only their husbands can see their bodies, any of it.

Articles like this do a disservice to potential mothers.  Women who love their husband and want nothing more than to have a relationship with them even after the baby comes.  Will they choose to formula feed for fear of losing an intimate relationship with their husbands?  Maybe.  Is that necessary?  No.  Plenty of women breastfeed their children for 1, 2, even 3 or more years and still have a loving relationship with their husbands.  And plenty of women formula feed and don’t.  And Vice Versa.  I can’t say there aren’t men who fit this article.  But those men suck.  If your husband can’t be adult enough to get over breastfeeding, you don’t need him.

*** After I wrote this, but before publishing it, someone posted a follow-up by Rabbi Shmuley since he received quite the backlash from his writing.  The article orginally appeared 4 years ago and looks to have been recently republished on Beliefnet.com.  His response can be read on his website. Still, even after apologizing and back pedaling, the damage was done.  Not only to his reputation, but to potential influential readers of his old article.  His first article comes off as misogynistic which he acknowledges.  I understand the point he is trying to make, which is valid, but he did it all wrong. Still, I find the apology a small step compared to the weight and tone of the first article.

While pregnant with my son Fletcher, I had a dream.  In this dream I was in my glider rocking my newborn baby boy.  He was in my arms, beautiful, wrinkly, sweet, and perfect in every way.  And, I was nursing him.  It was the most wonderful dream…. we seemed so happy and breastfeeding was natural for us.  I woke up excited about this particular aspect of having my son and the idea of being everything to him.  His life source before and after birth.

It seems like only yesterday I had that dream.  Today marks 7 days without nursing my son.  He weaned when he was 18 months and 5 days.

I knew it was over when I was rocking him in the glider before bed.  He had not nursed the night before so I was trying to not offer it again thinking maybe he was done.  He was crying and very upset; he didn’t want to go to bed.  I caved and offered him “milkies.”  Instead of happily agreeing he shook his head “no.”  Cue the mommy waterworks.  As much as I wanted him to be finished knowing he really was done broke my heart.  In theory, having him wean would make my life much easier.  Once I hit my second trimester my nipples became extremely sensitive.  There were many times I cried while he nursed.  He never bit me, but he does have a mouth full of teeth and one tight latch makes for a very painful experience.  Reality was a lot harder to cope with.  Realizing that I would never again bond with him in that way.  He was really done…

Our nursing journey began on a rocky road.  Latch trouble, very painful and bleeding nipples, nipple shields, lactation consultant visits, and marathon nursing sessions on the couch followed by cold gel packs and lanolin cream.

By 3 months I finally had it figured out, including the all important side lying position which transitioned us into a cosleeping family.

By 6 months I was nursing in public comfortably and proudly.

By a year I was ecstatic that we made it and was ready to go where the wind blew us.

Then I got pregnant and had to decide whether we should try weaning or tandem nursing.  At that point he was nursing on demand many times a day.  I decided to limit our sessions to a few a day.  This took about 2 weeks for him to stop signing for milk unless it was time for a nap or night time.  To get him to that point I used distractions when he would come up for a nibble.  I would offer a cup of milk or play with him, read, anything to distract him from boredom nursing.

A few weeks ago I nixed the first of the morning feeding.  This was a sad one.  I loved laying in bed with him in the morning and nursing him while cuddling.  However, out of the three a day, this was the only one I could get rid of.  He nursed to sleep for his nap and bedtime.

Then away went the nap nursing session.  I rocked him to sleep without nursing him which was a gradual transition.

I felt sure I would be nursing him to sleep every night, however.  We tried having Daddy rock him to sleep but even if he did get him asleep he could never get him into bed without him waking up.  So he would come to me them want to nurse.

Then we went to visit our family in North Carolina.  We had some major sleep issues at first.  Me and my husband took turns trying to get him down.  Some days he fell asleep very late and many hours after his “night” nursing session.  Then, he dropped it.  Suddenly he was fine with me simply rocking him to sleep.  He didn’t ask and I didn’t offer.  When I did offer, he refused.  I believe this was mostly due to a drop in supply.  There was nothing to get so why try, he decided.

I won’t call it baby led weaning because I consciously pared down feedings over a few months time.  I tried to make it as painless as possible for both of us.  In the beginning when we transitioned from 6-8 to 3 a day, occasionally when he asked and cried I would give in.  I knew he loved it and so did I.  But as a busy toddler he has quickly forgotten the days of constant nursing.  He has signed for milk once or twice but he also uses it as a synonym to “sleep.”  He knows the milk is gone.  I already had a low supply from being pregnant.  The last time he nursed it was for a few seconds.  He got the comfort then allowed me to rock him to sleep.

I know I did what was right.  Even though I would have gone longer, having 19 weeks of not nursing is good for everyone.  I dreaded nursing him due to the pain, and I know he could sense that.  I resented having to nurse him to sleep while being in pain while my husband watched TV.  This break gives me time to rest my nipples and mentally prepare for nursing a newborn again.  I’m really not sure how I would have coped with nursing my toddler to sleep on top of nursing a brand new little one.

Now I am already excited about getting to nurse my next little boy.  I hope my experience will make the first few weeks more relaxing for me and the new baby.  I look forward to watching my toddler grow and become a little person while I get to nourish a new little life.  Only time will tell if my son will become jealous of the new nursling or if he will have forgotten that that was our thing.  I am so proud that we had a happy, healthy, and joy filled 18 months of breastfeeding.  I am also proud of the transition we have made.  It wasn’t easy but it was worth it.

When I think back to the many, many times I have nursed in public I notice there is probably a reason no one ever uttered a word to me about it:  I looked like I was doing what I should be.

Most new mothers fear nursing in public more than anything else.  I did also.  I feared showing too much skin, I feared having people confront me, and I feared making others uncomfortable.  I covered myself with a nursing cover and was constantly checking on the baby to see that he was breathing and eating.  It was the least natural experience.  I tried to schedule all of my outings to be right after he nursed, or I would top him off before we left.  No outing was more than 2 hours since I had to be home to feed him again.  It was miserable.  My husband was also paranoid about nursing in public.  He was watch as I did it and if the cover slipped, he would position it back, even if it was my should that was visible.

Eventually I learned that using a cover wasn’t for us.  My baby hated it, and it was a pain.  I started dressing in layers or wearing nursing tops. I would sometimes use a blanket to cover while I latched my baby because that was the one chance someone had to get a nipple shot.

At the time by son was 5 or 6 months we were nursing in public pros.  By the time he was a year I had nursed all over.  Caves, planes, restaurants, parks, amusement parks, public functions, a duck boat, a paddle boat, etc…

Not once did a person tell me to cover up.  Never did someone roll their eyes at me and “tisk tisk” at the obscene act I was committing.  I was always, always prepared with my witty comebacks if someone asked me to put a blanket over my head or feed my baby in the bathroom.  At times I would have an entire dialogue running, playing out the way I was going to make those people wish they had never confronted me.  I almost wished someone would say something, just once, so I got a chance to use all of my comebacks I had been storing up for months!  Fortunately, no one did.

I nursed in public for about 15 months until we weaned down enough to only nurse at home at night or for naps.  But why didn’t anyone ever say anything to me?  You read all of the time about women asked to leave restaurants and public buildings because they were nursing.  And it isn’t geography.  I have nursed in my own town plenty, but in other places.  Rural and urban.  Salisbury NC and Las Vegas NV. I have nursed in front of all classes, the uppers and the lowers and in between.  Certainly someone should have said something.  Maybe they wanted to…

I am a firm believer that confidence was the key to my success at nursing in public.  I was stealthy, I learned how to get my baby latched and in position to keep the key parts away from public view.  I never looked around nervously to see if anyone was watching, or skulked to a corner to feed my baby.  In the company of friends I may have turned around to latch my son and returned, but not always.  I looked like I was doing what I was supposed to be.  There was never a doubt.  I was feeding my son the way it was intended.  He needed to eat.  I had the food.  How else was I supposed to feed him?

When I hear of nursing mothers who are so afraid to nurse in public they pack formula for trips or pump milk in advance, I get sad.  I want to tell them all that they can do it!  They too can nurse in the public eye without fear.  And you know, if someone comes and says something to them, they can rip that person a new one.  Not only is it the LAW that women can nurse their children in public, but it is the baby’s right to eat.  In some states, there are even laws protecting mothers against persecution from obscenity laws or public nudity laws (NY State does) so if something is seen, it is still under the umbrella of breastfeeding, therefore it is not “nudity” or “obscene.”

I always urge women to educate themselves on their rights to be prepared.  But if you look like you are feeding your baby in the most natural way possible, I have a feeling those naysayers might not want to pick a fight.