A few weeks ago I wrote about the trouble I was having getting my son to sleep the entire night in his toddler bed-“How to end Co-sleeping. Advice Needed!!!.” I WAS PLEADING FOR ADVICE!  Thankfully, tons of people (well, tons for me!) commented on my dilemma with lots of useful advice.

Many of you suggested the Supernanny tactic- this involves leading the child back to their bed and saying goodnight, and as they continue to come out of their room, you keep escorting them back over and over until they get the picture.

Others said I should put him bed in our room until he got used to sleeping in it all night, then move it back to his room.

Then there were lots of other ideas, these are just the ones I saw most frequently.

I was already sleeping in his room to get him used to sleeping in his bed all night when I posted.  This worked well, although once I started sleeping in my own room again (I slept in his room for 5 nights and he reduced his wakings and also submitted to staying in his bed, something he previously refused) and he continued to wake up once a night.

Whenever he would wake up, most nights he would not cry, but walk into our bedroom.  He wanted me to walk him back to his bed!  I did, and would sit next to him while he fell asleep.

We have tried to make this a gradual transition for him. I used to rock him to sleep and lay him in bed.  Then, I began rocking him but not letting him fall asleep.  I laid him in bed and he would make me lay next to him until he fell asleep.  I started sitting next to him rather than laying, which was a hard jump for him.  He wanted to be cuddled while he was falling asleep.  After a few nights of crying he let me begin sitting next to him.  Also, I did try the Supernanny techinique and it worked one night!  However, the next night he was so upset I sat next to him after many times of him walking out and crying.  This basically allowed me to just sit next to him.  He figured it was either let me sit next to him, or have him cry and have no Mommy at all.  He made a wise choice.

Now, I have moved from sitting next to him on the bed to sitting on the ottoman a few feet away.  We still start out in the glider.   We read a ton of books, we rock and he puts his head on my chest (and if I am wearing a high necked shirt he pulls it down so he is skin to skin!).  I sing to him and then tell him I am laying him in bed.  He then grabs his monkey which he always shoves next to me in the glider, and sits up.  I carry him to bed, he rolls over on his tummy and cuddles his monkey, I cover him up, and sit on the ottoman while he falls asleep.  He will look over to make sure I am there until he falls asleep.

My next move will be to slide my seat farther from his bed, and farther still, until I am out of the door.  This is based on a famous sleep training method that I don’t know the name of!  I don’t think this would have worked a few months ago in our case, but he is old enough for it now.

Most nights he sleeps the entire night, others he wakes up once.  He easily falls back asleep as long as I put him back in bed.

This is a vast improvement to him waking at 12 from his bed to come to ours.  It has been a very long, long road to get his sleeping habits to a place where we are all relatively happy.  Daddy can even put him to bed now, something that was impossible before.  I am feeling very good about where we are at and the progress he will make.  I believe I can get him falling asleep on his own before the baby gets here.  I am also hoping he decides to sleep all night every night, but even a few nights a week is more than I was getting just a few months ago.

The sad thing is, we haven’t napped or slept together in a couple of weeks.  At first, he would come to bed for an extra 2 hours or so with us in the morning.  And occasionally I would nap with him for some snuggle time.  Now he won’t do either.  This has also made him wake up 2-3 hours earlier than normal.  It is for the best since the baby will be here very soon, but I miss my extra cuddle time so much.

I hope this method will help others who are working on transitioning their toddlers to a bed or crib from co-sleeping.  This has taken months, just like our weaning process, to keep him happy and to minimize trauma.  Thanks to everyone who had advice or just words of commiseration.  I truly appreciate it!

Visual of my acrobatic son in bed with us

I have decided that my son needs to sleep in his own bed, all night.  Not because I don’t love sleeping with him, because I do.  I love snuggling all night and waking up next to him saying a random word every morning like “uh oh” or the standard screaming of “mama, Daaadeeee!”  I need him to sleep in his own bed because in a few short months I will have a new nursling by my side in the bed.  I will also have a husband in that bed.  Our bed is a Queen, not a stately King!

Plus, lately he has been very restless at night.  He used to wake around midnight from his own bed to come to ours (at least we get a little bit if evening time alone in bed!) and sleep all night.  Now he tosses and turns and wakes so that he can put his head on my chest or place his hand in between my boobs.  You read correctly; he likes to put his hand down my shirt in my cleavage for comfort.  This is a little thing that developed after he weaned.  He still loves my boobs but they have a new purpose.  Being that I am pregnant, him moving and kicking and doing acrobatics next to me has gotten very uncomfortable and a little scary.

Sleeping with his hands down my shirt

Since he falls asleep with me rocking him or with me laying next to him in his own bed I have a head start.  He knows he goes “nite nite” in his bed.  He has never fallen asleep on his own but he definitely knows the routine.  I just have no clue how to get him to accept that his bed is his home for the entire night.  I have tried many times to get him back to sleep once he wakes up in his bed.  It works, but he wakes up shortly after I leave and then points to the door screaming.  He wants to be in OUR bed.  I give in and we all get a good night’s rest.

For the past 2 nights I have slept on the floor next to his bed on a couch cushion.  As soon as he wakes I try to comfort him back to sleep.  So far he has crawled out of bed and onto the floor with me.  I have to put him back in his bed.  The only way he falls back asleep is if I am in bed next to him.  Even worse, he has spidey senses and knows when I leave.  I have to wait until he is deeply asleep before getting up and going back to my floor pallet.  If I were with him he would sleep the rest of the night but he knows I am not and wakes again.  This time he won’t let me slip away.  No matter how ninja like I escape after he falls back asleep he will wake up.  So for these two nights I have actually slept in a short twin bed with my son.  I have to curl up because it isn’t long enough for my body.  Often times I am relegated to a small section since my son hogs the bed.

This isn’t solving our problem.  Now I am co-sleeping in a short twin bed.  I would rather co-sleep in my comfy queen!!!  I feel like doing this has to say something.  It says “You are not allowed back in my bed for sleeping.  You will sleep in your own bed.”  But how do I get him to let me leave him?  I try shhushing him to sleep, patting, etc, things that don’t have me IN bed with him but after the 2nd waking he has none of those.  I know I have to do this now before I am too pregnant to do it later, and of course before his brother arrives.  Co-sleeping with a restless 2 year old, newborn, Mommy, and Daddy is not going to work for this family.  Sorry!

I would love any advice from those who have been in a similar situation.  Or just words of sympathy for the pregnant lady sleeping on the floor/ in a toddler bed!

While pregnant with my son Fletcher, I had a dream.  In this dream I was in my glider rocking my newborn baby boy.  He was in my arms, beautiful, wrinkly, sweet, and perfect in every way.  And, I was nursing him.  It was the most wonderful dream…. we seemed so happy and breastfeeding was natural for us.  I woke up excited about this particular aspect of having my son and the idea of being everything to him.  His life source before and after birth.

It seems like only yesterday I had that dream.  Today marks 7 days without nursing my son.  He weaned when he was 18 months and 5 days.

I knew it was over when I was rocking him in the glider before bed.  He had not nursed the night before so I was trying to not offer it again thinking maybe he was done.  He was crying and very upset; he didn’t want to go to bed.  I caved and offered him “milkies.”  Instead of happily agreeing he shook his head “no.”  Cue the mommy waterworks.  As much as I wanted him to be finished knowing he really was done broke my heart.  In theory, having him wean would make my life much easier.  Once I hit my second trimester my nipples became extremely sensitive.  There were many times I cried while he nursed.  He never bit me, but he does have a mouth full of teeth and one tight latch makes for a very painful experience.  Reality was a lot harder to cope with.  Realizing that I would never again bond with him in that way.  He was really done…

Our nursing journey began on a rocky road.  Latch trouble, very painful and bleeding nipples, nipple shields, lactation consultant visits, and marathon nursing sessions on the couch followed by cold gel packs and lanolin cream.

By 3 months I finally had it figured out, including the all important side lying position which transitioned us into a cosleeping family.

By 6 months I was nursing in public comfortably and proudly.

By a year I was ecstatic that we made it and was ready to go where the wind blew us.

Then I got pregnant and had to decide whether we should try weaning or tandem nursing.  At that point he was nursing on demand many times a day.  I decided to limit our sessions to a few a day.  This took about 2 weeks for him to stop signing for milk unless it was time for a nap or night time.  To get him to that point I used distractions when he would come up for a nibble.  I would offer a cup of milk or play with him, read, anything to distract him from boredom nursing.

A few weeks ago I nixed the first of the morning feeding.  This was a sad one.  I loved laying in bed with him in the morning and nursing him while cuddling.  However, out of the three a day, this was the only one I could get rid of.  He nursed to sleep for his nap and bedtime.

Then away went the nap nursing session.  I rocked him to sleep without nursing him which was a gradual transition.

I felt sure I would be nursing him to sleep every night, however.  We tried having Daddy rock him to sleep but even if he did get him asleep he could never get him into bed without him waking up.  So he would come to me them want to nurse.

Then we went to visit our family in North Carolina.  We had some major sleep issues at first.  Me and my husband took turns trying to get him down.  Some days he fell asleep very late and many hours after his “night” nursing session.  Then, he dropped it.  Suddenly he was fine with me simply rocking him to sleep.  He didn’t ask and I didn’t offer.  When I did offer, he refused.  I believe this was mostly due to a drop in supply.  There was nothing to get so why try, he decided.

I won’t call it baby led weaning because I consciously pared down feedings over a few months time.  I tried to make it as painless as possible for both of us.  In the beginning when we transitioned from 6-8 to 3 a day, occasionally when he asked and cried I would give in.  I knew he loved it and so did I.  But as a busy toddler he has quickly forgotten the days of constant nursing.  He has signed for milk once or twice but he also uses it as a synonym to “sleep.”  He knows the milk is gone.  I already had a low supply from being pregnant.  The last time he nursed it was for a few seconds.  He got the comfort then allowed me to rock him to sleep.

I know I did what was right.  Even though I would have gone longer, having 19 weeks of not nursing is good for everyone.  I dreaded nursing him due to the pain, and I know he could sense that.  I resented having to nurse him to sleep while being in pain while my husband watched TV.  This break gives me time to rest my nipples and mentally prepare for nursing a newborn again.  I’m really not sure how I would have coped with nursing my toddler to sleep on top of nursing a brand new little one.

Now I am already excited about getting to nurse my next little boy.  I hope my experience will make the first few weeks more relaxing for me and the new baby.  I look forward to watching my toddler grow and become a little person while I get to nourish a new little life.  Only time will tell if my son will become jealous of the new nursling or if he will have forgotten that that was our thing.  I am so proud that we had a happy, healthy, and joy filled 18 months of breastfeeding.  I am also proud of the transition we have made.  It wasn’t easy but it was worth it.

In the past few weeks things have changed in my son and I’s nursing relationship.  It used to be that I would know he was hungry, or he needed a nap, so I would whip my boob out and feed him.  We were down to 1-3 times a day of nursing, and he has night weaned for the most part.

Then, he hit 13 months some something changed.  He decided to help himself!  I will cop to not taking a shower first thing in the morning, mainly because I wait for his nap.  It just makes life easier that way.  This also means I am wearing the clothes I slept in for a majority of the morning.  My night uniform is no bra, a tank top, and PJ bottoms.  Sometimes I wear a nursing tank.  Either way, the top is low cut.

I check my emails first thing after feeding him breakfast.  Then, after entertaining himself for a short while, he crawls (now walks!) over to me to hit some buttons.  Then, he pulls my shirt down and seeks out my nipple.  He latches on and sucks for a bit, then pops off and laughs and smiles.  Adorable, yes?  This goes on for the first hour of the day.  Eat and run, eat and run, eat and run.

A few more times in the day he tries to pull my shirt down.  If I am properly clothed he doesn’t succeed, then cries and screams.  I have a hard time saying no!  I am not planning on weaning him, however, I want to keep the nursing sessions few and far between.  I have already been through nursing a newborn, I don’t want to redo it with a 14 month old.

I am also wondering if the reason he eats so little in the way of solid food, and drinks so little whole milk/ water is that he nurses so often.  One of these days I am going to want to leave him for a day or two with a close family member.  I am afraid he will starve to death!

Yes, the fact that he helps himself to my boobs (and now plays with them and laughs hysterically!) can be endearing, heart warming, and humorous.  However, it is cause for concern.  I did not plan to go past 2 years, which is a personal decision.  I respect all of the mothers who go longer!  I just want my boobs back, just for a little while, before another baby stakes their claim on them!  But, I still cherish our little sessions, even when he takes it “to go!”