A few weeks ago I wrote about the trouble I was having getting my son to sleep the entire night in his toddler bed-“How to end Co-sleeping. Advice Needed!!!.” I WAS PLEADING FOR ADVICE!  Thankfully, tons of people (well, tons for me!) commented on my dilemma with lots of useful advice.

Many of you suggested the Supernanny tactic- this involves leading the child back to their bed and saying goodnight, and as they continue to come out of their room, you keep escorting them back over and over until they get the picture.

Others said I should put him bed in our room until he got used to sleeping in it all night, then move it back to his room.

Then there were lots of other ideas, these are just the ones I saw most frequently.

I was already sleeping in his room to get him used to sleeping in his bed all night when I posted.  This worked well, although once I started sleeping in my own room again (I slept in his room for 5 nights and he reduced his wakings and also submitted to staying in his bed, something he previously refused) and he continued to wake up once a night.

Whenever he would wake up, most nights he would not cry, but walk into our bedroom.  He wanted me to walk him back to his bed!  I did, and would sit next to him while he fell asleep.

We have tried to make this a gradual transition for him. I used to rock him to sleep and lay him in bed.  Then, I began rocking him but not letting him fall asleep.  I laid him in bed and he would make me lay next to him until he fell asleep.  I started sitting next to him rather than laying, which was a hard jump for him.  He wanted to be cuddled while he was falling asleep.  After a few nights of crying he let me begin sitting next to him.  Also, I did try the Supernanny techinique and it worked one night!  However, the next night he was so upset I sat next to him after many times of him walking out and crying.  This basically allowed me to just sit next to him.  He figured it was either let me sit next to him, or have him cry and have no Mommy at all.  He made a wise choice.

Now, I have moved from sitting next to him on the bed to sitting on the ottoman a few feet away.  We still start out in the glider.   We read a ton of books, we rock and he puts his head on my chest (and if I am wearing a high necked shirt he pulls it down so he is skin to skin!).  I sing to him and then tell him I am laying him in bed.  He then grabs his monkey which he always shoves next to me in the glider, and sits up.  I carry him to bed, he rolls over on his tummy and cuddles his monkey, I cover him up, and sit on the ottoman while he falls asleep.  He will look over to make sure I am there until he falls asleep.

My next move will be to slide my seat farther from his bed, and farther still, until I am out of the door.  This is based on a famous sleep training method that I don’t know the name of!  I don’t think this would have worked a few months ago in our case, but he is old enough for it now.

Most nights he sleeps the entire night, others he wakes up once.  He easily falls back asleep as long as I put him back in bed.

This is a vast improvement to him waking at 12 from his bed to come to ours.  It has been a very long, long road to get his sleeping habits to a place where we are all relatively happy.  Daddy can even put him to bed now, something that was impossible before.  I am feeling very good about where we are at and the progress he will make.  I believe I can get him falling asleep on his own before the baby gets here.  I am also hoping he decides to sleep all night every night, but even a few nights a week is more than I was getting just a few months ago.

The sad thing is, we haven’t napped or slept together in a couple of weeks.  At first, he would come to bed for an extra 2 hours or so with us in the morning.  And occasionally I would nap with him for some snuggle time.  Now he won’t do either.  This has also made him wake up 2-3 hours earlier than normal.  It is for the best since the baby will be here very soon, but I miss my extra cuddle time so much.

I hope this method will help others who are working on transitioning their toddlers to a bed or crib from co-sleeping.  This has taken months, just like our weaning process, to keep him happy and to minimize trauma.  Thanks to everyone who had advice or just words of commiseration.  I truly appreciate it!

Visual of my acrobatic son in bed with us

I have decided that my son needs to sleep in his own bed, all night.  Not because I don’t love sleeping with him, because I do.  I love snuggling all night and waking up next to him saying a random word every morning like “uh oh” or the standard screaming of “mama, Daaadeeee!”  I need him to sleep in his own bed because in a few short months I will have a new nursling by my side in the bed.  I will also have a husband in that bed.  Our bed is a Queen, not a stately King!

Plus, lately he has been very restless at night.  He used to wake around midnight from his own bed to come to ours (at least we get a little bit if evening time alone in bed!) and sleep all night.  Now he tosses and turns and wakes so that he can put his head on my chest or place his hand in between my boobs.  You read correctly; he likes to put his hand down my shirt in my cleavage for comfort.  This is a little thing that developed after he weaned.  He still loves my boobs but they have a new purpose.  Being that I am pregnant, him moving and kicking and doing acrobatics next to me has gotten very uncomfortable and a little scary.

Sleeping with his hands down my shirt

Since he falls asleep with me rocking him or with me laying next to him in his own bed I have a head start.  He knows he goes “nite nite” in his bed.  He has never fallen asleep on his own but he definitely knows the routine.  I just have no clue how to get him to accept that his bed is his home for the entire night.  I have tried many times to get him back to sleep once he wakes up in his bed.  It works, but he wakes up shortly after I leave and then points to the door screaming.  He wants to be in OUR bed.  I give in and we all get a good night’s rest.

For the past 2 nights I have slept on the floor next to his bed on a couch cushion.  As soon as he wakes I try to comfort him back to sleep.  So far he has crawled out of bed and onto the floor with me.  I have to put him back in his bed.  The only way he falls back asleep is if I am in bed next to him.  Even worse, he has spidey senses and knows when I leave.  I have to wait until he is deeply asleep before getting up and going back to my floor pallet.  If I were with him he would sleep the rest of the night but he knows I am not and wakes again.  This time he won’t let me slip away.  No matter how ninja like I escape after he falls back asleep he will wake up.  So for these two nights I have actually slept in a short twin bed with my son.  I have to curl up because it isn’t long enough for my body.  Often times I am relegated to a small section since my son hogs the bed.

This isn’t solving our problem.  Now I am co-sleeping in a short twin bed.  I would rather co-sleep in my comfy queen!!!  I feel like doing this has to say something.  It says “You are not allowed back in my bed for sleeping.  You will sleep in your own bed.”  But how do I get him to let me leave him?  I try shhushing him to sleep, patting, etc, things that don’t have me IN bed with him but after the 2nd waking he has none of those.  I know I have to do this now before I am too pregnant to do it later, and of course before his brother arrives.  Co-sleeping with a restless 2 year old, newborn, Mommy, and Daddy is not going to work for this family.  Sorry!

I would love any advice from those who have been in a similar situation.  Or just words of sympathy for the pregnant lady sleeping on the floor/ in a toddler bed!

Cloth diapering is a wonderful way to save your family money while keeping thousands of disposable diapers out of the landfill.  But, what do you do with the poop!?!?

Poop was my husband’s number 2 concern (tehehe) when it came to cloth diapering.  The number 1 concern was the overall smell.  “What do you do with it?” he would ask me.  While I was pregnant I could only cite information from the internet.  “Well, we can buy a sprayer and spray it in the toilet.”  I told him.  I showed him the sprayers online and he decided that was a good enough answer.  The catch:  he was having nothing to do with it.  Now that we are pros at cloth diapering I am going to outline some of the best ways to deal with the presents your precious baby leaves you.

Stage 1. This stage, when your baby is fresh out of the oven, is a tricky one.  Meconium, the sticky tar poop that will be your baby’s first bowel movements, and can stain your diapers.  Most parents are not using cloth for the first few days during this phase since they are at the hospital.  In fact, you may never even see it since the nurses do many of the changes.  If you are going to bring cloth diapers with you to the hospital or you are having a home birth and will use your own cloth diapers from the start, here is what you should do for meconium.  You can opt to use a diaper liner in preparation.  I personally would not do this since even the softest diaper liners are not soft enough for a newborn baby.  My suggestion is to use toilet paper, or a sprayer if you have one already, to remove as much as the meconium as possible.  You also want to do this as soon as you can to prevent staining.  Wash your diaper as normal.  If there is a stain, sun it out.  If the stain is persistent, try applying lemon juice to it and sun it again.  Don’t fret, meconium may only happen once or a few times.

Stage 2. Exclusively Breastfed Babies:  Babies who only have breastmilk will have sweet smelling and completely water soluble poop.  You heard me!  Now, when I say the poop smells sweet, it isn’t a pleasant odor, but it isn’t entirely unpleasant.  In fact, it can be hard to tell if your baby has pooped sometimes since cloth diapers and EBF poop don’t have much of an odor.  This stage is great because it gives you a break.  Diapers which have been soiled with EBF poop can be chucked into the diaper pail or wet bag with no rinsing or scraping.  This poop can look mustard yellow, orange, or even green and it will have a seedy texture.  The colors will vary and will change over time, even when still being EBF.  This stage has its challenges though.  EBF poop is notorious for having “blow-outs”.  The good news, cloth diapers can almost always contain them.  I remember reading that cloth diapers contained the mess.  Friends used to tell me horror stories abut their babies waking up with poop all the way up to their necks.  We had one blow out with cloth, which was minor.  EBF poop will also rarely stain.  Once again, use the sun or wait a few washes and the stains will most likely be gone.  My favorite part about EBF poop, some babies who are breastfed only poop every few days to once a week, or even fewer.  My son only pooped every 4-6 days.  The reason is that with breastmilk, it is so chocked full of useable goodness that they baby uses most of it, with very little left to spare.  For Formula Fed babies you can also just wash the diapers, but the color will most likely be different than EBF babies.  The poop will also have more of a nasty smell to it.  Most FF babies will also probably poop once a day or more.

Stage 3. This is where it gets sticky, and maybe even a little hairy!  Literally!  Your baby will be starting solids somewhere between 4-8 months.  Say goodbye to the simplicity of tossing your diapers in the pail!  You can also forget about going a week without poop.  Your baby is going to have sticky, peanut butter like poop.  You may even find large chuncks of food that weren’t digested well.  These all need to be sprayed off or scraped off before being put into the washer.  I think of it this way: by getting the bulk of the poop out before you wash your diapers you are giving them the cleanest start.  If they are coated in poop you are a few steps behind and your washer has to work harder, and you will need more steps to get them clean.  Now, I haven’t tried this myself, but I have heard that spatulas work great for this stage to scrape that peanut buttery poop off of the diaper.  You just want to use a lot of caution when washing your dishes not to mix up the poop spatula and the regular one.  Spraying is the way to go in this instance. Flushable liners are nice for going out and can save you having to take a mess filled diaper home or dunking your diaper in a public toilet.

Stage 4. Once your baby is eating more and more solids their poop may begin to thicken up.  It will be more than peanut buttery but less than solid.  This poop is prime for “shaking.”  You can shake it into the toilet and flush it.  You may also just want to spray it off, or spray after you shake it for an even cleaner diaper.  This is a flux stage so it is going to vary for every baby.

Stage 5. Disgusting, toddler, solidish poop.  Every toddler is different and they are going to be eating a variety of different foods.  You can expect pretty solid poop, but I have heard some moms say that their toddler never had completely solid stools.  If your child is eating meats, expect some very stinky poop!  This should also be shakeable poop.  Shake what you can off into the toilet, and then either put it directly in the pail or spray it off.  If there are stains, which is very likely, sun them!

Even at 18 months old my son doesn’t have solid poops all the time.  Depending on what he eats, we get wet to semi solid to completely solid.  The diaper sprayer truly is your best friend in most all of the stages!

Photo Credit: Flickr, AFP PHOTO/PHILIPPE DESMAZES

This article was recently brought to my attention, however it appears that it is 4 years old.  Since the first publishing Rabbi Shmuley has since apologized.  I address that at the end of my response.  No matter how old the article is it is still alive and kicking on the internet and doing damage to new and expecting mothers, perpetuating “booby traps.“

Recently I read the article by Rabbi Shmuley titled “Moms, Don’t Forget to feed Your Marriages” which may as well have been titled “Moms, Screw Nature, Use a Bottle and Give your Husband a Blow Job.”

While I agree being a Mom sometimes makes being a Wife a chore, I think most husbands (good ones that is) will concede that taking care of your child is the priority.  This includes breastfeeding them for as long as the mother and child wish.  In the article, 11 months is thought to be too long!  11 months is a great acheivement, but not all mothers wish to stop there.  As much as my husband would have liked having me back 100% and our bed, he knew how much breastfeeding meant to my son and I.  Plus, he didn’t have to wake in the middle of the night to feed him.  PLUS, any time my son was cranky, I had these magic things that instantly shut him up.

Even if you take breastfeeding out of the parenting equation, marriage still isn’t easy.  Raising a child is a 24/7 obligation.  One that leaves little time for romance and sexy time.  Showering is a chore for most moms if they stay at home.  Then there is the constant house cleaning, dish washing, butt wiping, tamtrum handling, and toddler wrestling.  By bed time most days I just want to veg on the couch and eat ice cream, with or without my hubby.  He is also tired from his day job and night time toddlering that he appreciates the quiet time by playing video games.  These things make us happy, but don’t necessarily equal a candle lit dinner.

In truth, we have been trying to prioritize our marriage by going out alone at least once a month.  Somehow this keeps getting put on the back burner.  We have to find a sitter and arrange somewhere to go.

I am not even breastfeeding anymore!  But our lives are less than sexy sometimes.  The Rabbi wants to see happy, in love couples.  And breastfeeding supposedly makes that impossible.  Really?  Because even while nursing my husband and I took time to hug, to kiss, to cuddle, to say “I Love You” in front of our son, or not.  Being in love doesn’t mean having sex like you are teenagers.  Any married couple knows sex in college and sex after kids are not the same.  Being in love means loving each other even without the crazy drunk pre-kids sex.

Saying breastfeeding turns your husband off may or may not be true.  But that shouldn’t even matter.  I personally got to a point where I wanted my breasts to be left alone by everyone.  I assure you though, my husband never lost interest in them.  And my husband saw me give birth as well, and he still loves me!  He didn’t get “all up in that” but he saw things.  More things than I saw.  Yet we still managed to make another human baby, and I was breastfeeding then too!

Regarding nursing in public, the Rabbi has it all wrong there too.  Some men let their wives run around half naked for the world to see.  To each their own.  But when a mother has the top half of her breast exposed (or not even) this is considered indecent or overexposure?  This will extinguish the spark?!?!  Rabbi, do you know men?  Men get turned on by waking up in the morning.  I think they can deal with their wives feeding their own children on a park bench without a blanket over their heads.  You know what this made me think of?  This reminded me of conservative Muslim women who have to wear burkas in public and only their husbands can see their bodies, any of it.

Articles like this do a disservice to potential mothers.  Women who love their husband and want nothing more than to have a relationship with them even after the baby comes.  Will they choose to formula feed for fear of losing an intimate relationship with their husbands?  Maybe.  Is that necessary?  No.  Plenty of women breastfeed their children for 1, 2, even 3 or more years and still have a loving relationship with their husbands.  And plenty of women formula feed and don’t.  And Vice Versa.  I can’t say there aren’t men who fit this article.  But those men suck.  If your husband can’t be adult enough to get over breastfeeding, you don’t need him.

*** After I wrote this, but before publishing it, someone posted a follow-up by Rabbi Shmuley since he received quite the backlash from his writing.  The article orginally appeared 4 years ago and looks to have been recently republished on Beliefnet.com.  His response can be read on his website. Still, even after apologizing and back pedaling, the damage was done.  Not only to his reputation, but to potential influential readers of his old article.  His first article comes off as misogynistic which he acknowledges.  I understand the point he is trying to make, which is valid, but he did it all wrong. Still, I find the apology a small step compared to the weight and tone of the first article.

I am getting serious about potty learning now.  I started ECing (elimination communication- practicing infant “potty training” by reading a baby’s cues and catching eliminations) my son when he was 6 months old on a part time basis.  In the beginning we were excited about it and sometimes went a whole day with no wet diapers.  But I got busier in life and my son got busier and would rather play than sit on the potty and hang out with me.  We still did it, sometimes 1-3 times a day, and sometimes we would go days or weeks between using a potty.  To me, EC wasn’t an all or nothing thing.  The reason I wanted to EC was to save myself a few diapers of washing and to introduce my son to the potty at a young age to avoid that fear some children have.

At 18 months old my son is definitely not afraid to use the potty.  He has still not shown any signs before he needs to go.  He doesn’t tell me or sign, or go to the potty beforehand.  I am still reading his cues and going by patterns.

He pees after he wakes for the day and after naps.  He pees before his bath.  He poops after breakfast and dinner (usually).  I put him on the potty those times when I can.  I can tell he needs to poop when he passes gas.  If I wait for the “poop face” or grunting it is too late…. the deed is halfway or totally done.

My son practicing being diaper free. You may be able to see the pee in the potty.

Some people might think I am trying too early.  I see it as making him more aware of his bodily functions.  Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on your point of view) my son cares nothing about being wet or sitting in poop.  He would wear the same diaper all day with no complaints.  This makes it harder.  If he was bothered by those things I would assume he would be more interested in using the potty.

To me it is worth the extra effort.  The age for potty training is getting older and older.  I want my son to be on the younger end.  This means less laundry for me.  My son benefits by not having to wear diapers anymore.  He could also play in the Ikea playroom!

Even as I write this I wonder if I am crazy.  Running my son to the potty every time he passes gas…. but it is working for our family.  Even if it takes months of this before he begins telling me he needs to potty, I will still do it.  Plus, not having to spray a poopy diaper is a benefit I can live with.

Tomorrow I will be posting a list of cloth trainers, similar to my swim diaper post, so stay tuned!

While pregnant with my son Fletcher, I had a dream.  In this dream I was in my glider rocking my newborn baby boy.  He was in my arms, beautiful, wrinkly, sweet, and perfect in every way.  And, I was nursing him.  It was the most wonderful dream…. we seemed so happy and breastfeeding was natural for us.  I woke up excited about this particular aspect of having my son and the idea of being everything to him.  His life source before and after birth.

It seems like only yesterday I had that dream.  Today marks 7 days without nursing my son.  He weaned when he was 18 months and 5 days.

I knew it was over when I was rocking him in the glider before bed.  He had not nursed the night before so I was trying to not offer it again thinking maybe he was done.  He was crying and very upset; he didn’t want to go to bed.  I caved and offered him “milkies.”  Instead of happily agreeing he shook his head “no.”  Cue the mommy waterworks.  As much as I wanted him to be finished knowing he really was done broke my heart.  In theory, having him wean would make my life much easier.  Once I hit my second trimester my nipples became extremely sensitive.  There were many times I cried while he nursed.  He never bit me, but he does have a mouth full of teeth and one tight latch makes for a very painful experience.  Reality was a lot harder to cope with.  Realizing that I would never again bond with him in that way.  He was really done…

Our nursing journey began on a rocky road.  Latch trouble, very painful and bleeding nipples, nipple shields, lactation consultant visits, and marathon nursing sessions on the couch followed by cold gel packs and lanolin cream.

By 3 months I finally had it figured out, including the all important side lying position which transitioned us into a cosleeping family.

By 6 months I was nursing in public comfortably and proudly.

By a year I was ecstatic that we made it and was ready to go where the wind blew us.

Then I got pregnant and had to decide whether we should try weaning or tandem nursing.  At that point he was nursing on demand many times a day.  I decided to limit our sessions to a few a day.  This took about 2 weeks for him to stop signing for milk unless it was time for a nap or night time.  To get him to that point I used distractions when he would come up for a nibble.  I would offer a cup of milk or play with him, read, anything to distract him from boredom nursing.

A few weeks ago I nixed the first of the morning feeding.  This was a sad one.  I loved laying in bed with him in the morning and nursing him while cuddling.  However, out of the three a day, this was the only one I could get rid of.  He nursed to sleep for his nap and bedtime.

Then away went the nap nursing session.  I rocked him to sleep without nursing him which was a gradual transition.

I felt sure I would be nursing him to sleep every night, however.  We tried having Daddy rock him to sleep but even if he did get him asleep he could never get him into bed without him waking up.  So he would come to me them want to nurse.

Then we went to visit our family in North Carolina.  We had some major sleep issues at first.  Me and my husband took turns trying to get him down.  Some days he fell asleep very late and many hours after his “night” nursing session.  Then, he dropped it.  Suddenly he was fine with me simply rocking him to sleep.  He didn’t ask and I didn’t offer.  When I did offer, he refused.  I believe this was mostly due to a drop in supply.  There was nothing to get so why try, he decided.

I won’t call it baby led weaning because I consciously pared down feedings over a few months time.  I tried to make it as painless as possible for both of us.  In the beginning when we transitioned from 6-8 to 3 a day, occasionally when he asked and cried I would give in.  I knew he loved it and so did I.  But as a busy toddler he has quickly forgotten the days of constant nursing.  He has signed for milk once or twice but he also uses it as a synonym to “sleep.”  He knows the milk is gone.  I already had a low supply from being pregnant.  The last time he nursed it was for a few seconds.  He got the comfort then allowed me to rock him to sleep.

I know I did what was right.  Even though I would have gone longer, having 19 weeks of not nursing is good for everyone.  I dreaded nursing him due to the pain, and I know he could sense that.  I resented having to nurse him to sleep while being in pain while my husband watched TV.  This break gives me time to rest my nipples and mentally prepare for nursing a newborn again.  I’m really not sure how I would have coped with nursing my toddler to sleep on top of nursing a brand new little one.

Now I am already excited about getting to nurse my next little boy.  I hope my experience will make the first few weeks more relaxing for me and the new baby.  I look forward to watching my toddler grow and become a little person while I get to nourish a new little life.  Only time will tell if my son will become jealous of the new nursling or if he will have forgotten that that was our thing.  I am so proud that we had a happy, healthy, and joy filled 18 months of breastfeeding.  I am also proud of the transition we have made.  It wasn’t easy but it was worth it.