My husband was a tough nut to crack when it came to homebirth.

Once I knew I wanted to have our second son at home and I grew the balls to tell him- it wasn’t pretty.

After weeks of discussion he hesitantly agreed to meet with a midwife, if only to shut me up.

The rest is history.

We had our homebirth on October 20, 2010 (birth story).  It was perfect.  Baby and Mom were healthy and my husband never had to see the placenta.

If you saw us on the street you would never think “I bet those people had their baby at home.”

If there is a “homebirth” stereotype it wouldn’t be us.

I asked my husband if I could interview him about homebirth.  While I was researching the idea the one thing I wanted was a movie or video to show my husband that showed “real” guys who supported their wives’ decision to have a homebirth.  (There is a DVD but I was too cheap to buy it!)

Now that he is part of the Homebirthing Dads club I asked him a few questions about getting to that point and the birth itself.

He isn’t a man of many words and he may not give the “OMG Homebirth is awesome!” answers that others would want, but I think his honesty and the fact that he still did it, speak to the fact that anyone can do it.

In case you are wondering, my husband wanted to be “anonymous.”  He has been seen many times on this blog in photos however the video will also be on YouTube so for that avenue he preferred to not show his face.

I mentioned briefly in a recent post on my views that Nitrous Oxide would be a wonderful option for women who wanted some pain relief during labor but didn’t want an epidural.  Good news! It is making a comeback in the US!

In the US there are only 2 hospitals that currently offer Nitrous Oxide as pain relief for women in labor, but decades ago this was common practice.  Other countries that use Nitrous Oxide include: Canada, Australia, Finland, Sweden, and the UK.  Many homebirth midwives in these countries even offer this as an option.

Since Epidurals came into fashion, with their complete pain relief (i.e numb from the waist down) the Nitrous use waned and eventually disappeared.  But why?

With so many known side effects and possible risks for the fetus that we know come from epidurals (excellent article from Mothering on the hidden dangers of epidurals-I experienced the trouble with breastfeeding), why would a drug that seems to be completely harmless to mother and child not be an option? Money certainly plays a role since epidurals cost big bucks and make hospitals lots of moolah.  And that, my friends, is an entirely different post.

As a mother who has given birth with an epidural, and without, I have seen the extremes.  I had a completely immobile birth resulting from an epidural.  I was not given the option for what some call the “walking epidural,” though I doubt one could truly walk and labor with a tube in your back.  With my homebirth I experienced every contraction and was present for the pain.

Given a choice, I would certainly like to have had a little less pain, but be completely present of mind and body during my labor.

THAT is what nitrous does.  Nitrous is administered just like you would receive it for dental work and is given to the mother at will.

How many of you had hopes for a natural birth and wanted to “wait and see” how things progressed?  That was my plan too.  I was on pitocin and was waiting to see if I would need pain relief.  I waited as long as possible and gave in to the epidural after suffering very strong, humpback contractions brought on by labor inducing drugs.

What if, instead of having to have that epidural when things became too painful, I could use Nitrous Oxide to take the edge off of the pain while still being in control of my body?  I could use it when I wanted, then stop using it once things became manageable (presumably after transition).  You can’t just stop an epidural!  Even after mine was turned off it took 3 hours to regain feeling, just when I was in the pushing phase.  And unlike an epidural, with Nitrous Oxide when it comes time to push, you won’t have to be told when to do it.  This is so very important!

Right now there are two major options: Epidural, or natural.  Complete submission to pain medication and the risks associated with it, including being tied to a bed for hours and hours, or a natural labor and the intense pain that comes with that.  Yet there are some who are in between.  Those women have to choose from two ends of the spectrum. (edited to add: yes there are drugs out there available but these have some pretty gross side effects.  I tried Nubain and it made my labor far worse.  Maybe others had better experience than I did)

Most of us have an (understandable) apprehension about labor. First time mothers especially don’t know what it will be like, how long it will take, and if they can manage their contractions.  The media’s portrayal of labor and that it is a screamfest in need of major drugs (as seen on One Born Every Minute) has tainted women’s view of a natural event.  Fear of pain pushes many of them to get an epidural before they even get far into labor (and you can argue that this in itself leads to unwanted complications leading to C-Sections).  Not every pregnant woman does extensive research into their options, and only know what they are told by their doctors.  Reading Ina May’s Guide To Childbirth made me believe in my ability to birth naturally.

I, for one, am happy to see this form of pain relief making a comeback.  It isn’t being rolled out in full force but I believe once women see what it can do there will be enough demand that other hospitals will want to partake.  More information about Nitrous Oxide in labor (full risks and benefits) can be found in this Position Statement put out by the American College of Nurse-Midwives (.pdf)

It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You don’t win a medal for giving birth all natural (but it is definitely something to be proud of, and I am very happy I did so) so if taking the edge off of labor pains in a safe and effective way will reduce unnecessary C-Sections and possibly even increase breastfeeding rates I say DO IT.

Would you use Nitrous Oxide in your future births, hospital, birth center, or home, of you had the option?

Because everyone I know online is pregnant I have been hearing a lot about their labors.  Some were hospital births, some were at home, and many were even VBACs.  Luckily, most of my friends are pretty informed about pregnancy, labor, and delivery.  This meant that most of them waited for the baby to come when the baby was ready.  Many of these babies decided they wanted to wait until after their “due date.”

This is what I noticed.  These “overdue” babies gave their mamas a short labor.  All labors, whether they are an hour or 20, hurt.  If I were given a choice, I would rather have a relatively quick and intense labor like the one I had with my second son, than the 20 hour slow starting, induced labor of my first.

Everett was born at home at 41 weeks and 3 days.  My labor was 4 hours and 45 minutes including 20 minutes of pushing.

Friend A was 41 weeks and 3 days with her third baby (her second HBAC), and her labor was 6 hours.

Jill from Baby Rabies recently gave birth to her second baby at 41 weeks.  She walked into the hospital at a 7 and delivered 2 hours after checking in after an intense and fast labor. Her birth story.

We were all “overdue,” very large, uncomfortable, and ready to have a baby.  We waited a long time

One of my theories is that my babies need to bake longer than the “40 week” mark.  Every woman is different, every pregnancy is different.  Why is there so much importance placed on this magic 40 week mark?  The reason I say this is because of the differences I saw in my first son after birth compared to my second.

My first son was induced when I was 39 weeks 3 days.  To most pregnant people they would assume this is plenty of time to bake a baby.  My OB decided to induce me because I had Gestational Diabetes and was told going 1 day over 40 wasn’t an option (pshaw… wish I had known) and because at my growth scans they noticed my baby’s abdomen was measuring small (but consistently small, why worry?).  The day we went in for a follow up scan they told me to pack my bags and come in the next day because, and I quote, “the baby has baked long enough.”

I had a pitocin induced labor which took over 20 hours from start to finish.  I couldn’t take the humpback contractions and opted for the epidural.  To this day I am amazed I ended up with a vaginal birth now that I know the statistics for inductions and long labors.

Fletcher was 7 lbs 2 0z and 19.5 inches long.  He was coated with thick vernix.  Why do I mention this?  Typically, full term babies have already sloughed off most or all of their vernix.

A very cheesey newborn

Fletcher was very drowsy and we had an insanely difficult time with nursing.  He didn’t latch properly and would fall asleep at the breast in minutes.  Instead of cuddling my new baby I was forced to torture him to stay awake in order to eat.  I undressed him, flicked his feet, blew on his face, all to get food in his belly by order of the nurses.

He was also fairly small and rag dollish.  He became jaundiced but not severe enough to need lights.  He looked like a stick figure baby when I look back at photos.

In comparison, my “overdue” baby, Everett, was born at 41 weeks 3 days (2 full weeks more than Fletcher).  He weighed 8 lbs 8 oz and was 20.5 inches long.

He also had vernix, but a much lighter coating.

He was alert and ready to nurse.

He had the head control of a 1 month old and could lift his head off my chest at a few minutes old.

His latch was perfect (but he was tongue tied which we had clipped, more on that here)

He also slept great from day 1 (at night that is)

I am not saying every problem I had with my first son was related to him being born too early, nor am I saying every thing right with my second has to do with him being born overdue.  My boys both also had very different birth experiences.  Fletcher was induced, put through a long labor and a very long pushing phase (3 hours) and was born while I was on an Epidural.  Everett came when he was ready, he had a calm labor lasting less than 5 hours with a 20 minute push phase.  Part of their difference in labor is probably because second labors are typically faster as well, so I can’t blame everything on being induced.

My wish for all women is that they not have to even deal with the pressure to be induced.  With the staggering rate of C-Sections, babies born too soon thanks to being induced before the baby was ready (you can read a recent article in Time magazine to that effect, which is ironic since I wrote this a week ago, good timing!), and the high rate of Maternal deaths in the US, women need to educate themselves and possibly prepare to butt heads with their care provider.

I wasn’t exactly thrilled about being 41 weeks and 3 days pregnant but I trusted my body and my baby. I had a very routine (and easy) pregnancy other than my gestational diabetes, which was well under control.  My baby made a grand entrance into the world and kept us all anxiously waiting.  I’m so thankful for our supportive midwives and the internet for informing me that I am in charge of my body, not my OB GYN.

To say I am not terrified of giving birth naturally would be lying. Labor is painful (unless you are an amazing hypobirther or you have that rare disease where you don’t feel pain) and I am afraid I will suck at it.  But then again, I am ready to go for it!  And I am excited to do my birth my way with the wonderful support system I am putting in place.  I will have my midwife, the assistant, my doula, and my husband.

My husband, son, and I went to meet my homebirth midwife for the first time on Tuesday.  We came armed with a million questions and stayed for 2 hours.  Even though I have been using a midwife for my prenatal care thus far, the one on one attention we received at this appointment was more than the combined time I have talked with my former midwife.  It felt great to discuss all of my fears, concerns, ambitions, goals, hopes, and expectations.  The room was relaxed, and there was a playroom that kept my son occupied nearly the entire time.  I thought sharing the questions my husband and I came up with would potentially help other couples who are considering homebirth, even if some seem silly!

1. Tub rental: do you rent a tub, which tub, and how much?

2. Does the tub come with a pump (for drainage)?

3.What documents do you need (medical history from prev doctor)?

4. What number do we call, back up numbers?

5. Travel time (she is 1.5 hours away):  when do we call?

6. What do you bring (medical supplies like oxygen)?

7. What if there is a transfer, do you have hospital privileges?

8. Should I have a birth plan?

9. Payment: upfront or after billing insurance?

10. Is there a specific birth kit you want me to buy?

11.  Should we have 2 plans (in case of change to a hospital)?

12. If the blood sugar is low for baby, what would you do?

13.  If baby shows signs of jaundice, what to do?

14. When/ how do we follow-up with pediatrician?

15.   Birth Certificate/ etc, how is this done?

16.  Clean-up?!?!  Who does this and how? (my husband’s number one concern.  Answer: they do it all)

17. What do we need in house that isn’t in the birth kit?

18.  What is your record of c sections/ transfers.

19.  If I need stitching?

20.  Tear prevention massage?

21.  Medical waste disposal?

22.  How long do you stay after the birth?

23.  How late can I go?  How will you monitor to make sure it is safe to go over?  Natural induction methods?

24. If I go “too late” would I need to deliver in a hospital?

25. What would warrant a change to a hospital birth?

26.   If in a tub, how do you tell if the cord is wrapped around neck?

27.  If I am Group B positive, what happens then?

28.  What about pushing the tummy to get blood out?  Not needed?

All of these questions were answered for us.  Some answers were surprising (like that nurses don’t need to push on your stomach every hour and wake you up, but you can do it yourself if you want) and some were reassuring (her second time mom rate of C Sections was 1% for 20 years).  I felt very at ease with her and am very confident she can help me have a wonderful birth experience.  I never would have considered homebirth with my first child, and I can tell you if I had my husband would not have budged on it.  Now, we have both learned a lot about being parents and pregnancy, as well as how the “system” isn’t always in the best interest of the mother and child.  I regret my induction with my son, which was not necessary.  If only I had known!  We had a positive outcome and still had a vaginal birth, but so many women are induced for no reason and end up having a C-Section.  I ordered my birth kit already and it is on the way, and there are so many other things to prepare.  It has been a long battle to get this homebirth, but in a way I always knew it would happen. Every time I imagined giving birth to my son it was at home.  Now it is a reality.  Yikes!

My next baby will be here in a few short weeks and I am feeling the anxiety.  I don’t have a baby bath tub, or enough swaddling blankets.  I have to pull out all of those fun things like burp cloths and my handy Nose Frida (no bulb syringe here, this thing works great!).  I also need to get a new dresser to hold enough clothes for 2 children.

What I won’t be preparing: bottles.  Won’t use them.  Pump: probably won’t be using that either, though I may grab it in a moment of engorged desperation.  Nursery: baby will be either sleeping next to me in bed or next to our bed in our Hushamok hammock.

What I hope not to prepare: a hospital labor bag!  I will find out very soon if homebirth is a possibility for us.  Since the MMA (Midwifery Modernization Act) passed and Certified Nurse Midwives have the right to practice homebirths in the state of NY without a signed practice agreement with an OB, there is hope.  The only foreseeable block is that my potential midwife already has a mom due at the end of October and she also wants to take some time off that month.  If she can get coverage from one of the other midwives in Ithaca then I should be good.  The next hurdle would just be meeting with her and making sure I am comfortable with her.  It looks like my insurance does cover homebirth, at least 70%.  NY State does have a law stating a woman has the right to choose her birth setting and doctor and insurance must cover it.  Strange that NY is great for Homebirth in terms of insurance, but it took so long for homebirths to be practiced without the legal tape and hoops.

Besides my obvious reasons for wanting a homebirth, the main perk would be not having to scramble for childcare when I go into labor.  Living far from friends and family is very hard, and even harder when you need to leave your house in a relative hurry with short notice.  Grandma’s are good for that, “friends” are not.  Especially those with jobs and children.  I would still want to have someone come to help with Fletcher depending on the time.  But at least he wouldn’t have to pack up and come to the hospital with us, which is what I am afraid of.

If things don’t pan out then I will be ok, but only because I do love my current midwife.  She is caring and competent and will make my birth experience as close to a home birth as possible.  I would actually be sad to lose her if I get my homebirth.  I only wish she could deliver me at home!

Pregnancy wise, this has been a breeze compared to my first.  With my first I weighed close to what I weigh now before I even got pregnant.  And I kept gaining.  I had constant hip pain very early on.  It hurt to walk up and down stairs.  I ran out of breath, my Gestational Diabetes had me on far fewer carbs than I can eat now, and I was generally pretty miserable.  These days I forget I am pregnant.  While I am beginning to experience trouble sleeping and some hip pain at night, during the day I am comfortable.  My GERD has settled down thanks to my Gestational Diabetes diet and I stopped taking any medications for it besides the occasional Tums.  I do have to pee a lot but I don’t think there is a way to avoid that at this point.  I am also getting a little lazy.  My floor hasn’t been mopped in a couple of weeks!  The only reason it isn’t coated with crumbs is that I have a Roomba.

I am getting more and more excited about meeting my next son.  I am also starting to dread the impending loss of sleep that I have only recently started getting.  I am afraid two children will kill me, especially since the one I have keeps me busy enough.  Still, I will be happy to have him here with us!

Image: Free Our Midwives

The past few weeks I have been feeling a need to really own my birth experience this time around.  My son’s birth was a very medical one.  I was induced at 39 weeks because his abdomen was measuring small and because I had gestational diabetes.  I was not going to be allowed to go over 40 weeks no matter what.  I was given pitocin and chained to a bed or glider for something like 22 hours.  Bed to chair, chair to bed.  No wonder I couldn’t manage my pain (or pee for that matter.)

I was slow to progress and stayed at a 2 for a very long time.  When I got to a 3 I asked for the epi.  I was ashamed of myself but between the nausea and humpback contractions (no one warned me about that… I was one of the lucky ones) and exhaustion I needed that break.  I slept for a few hours and when I woke up they told me I was a 10.  Shocking how out of it I was for the last few hours of my labor.

They turned the epi off and I pushed for 3 hours.  By the time I was in the homestretch the epi had mostly worn off and I was able to work with my contractions to get him out.

When I got pregnant with number two I was once again planning to try for a natural birth.  I looked for a midwife who would support me in that decision.  I did not do research with my OB and had someone I wasn’t happy with.  I found a wonderful midwife and a very pro natural birth practice.  I will be working with a doula as well.

This week I decided I wanted a home birth.  I used to be pretty afraid of that option.  As much as I admired those women who did it, I was worried about being too far from a hospital.  The idea just wouldn’t shake.  Imagining laboring in my own home, where I could get comfortable, take a shower, be in a tub, get a drink or snack, and be with my son made me decide I wanted to look into it.

I approached the subject with my husband.  He was less than thrilled.  After begging I was granted a phone call to a homebirth midwife.  The closest ones are all 1.5 hours away.  I told him it was unlikely to begin with since I am far along and they have to select patients who fit their schedule.

Not only was the midwife going to be on sabbatical, but apparently insurance issues made the decision for me.  As of July 1 midwives from Ithaca can not do home births.

In NY state Midwives have to have a practice agreement with an OB.  These midwives had one with an Ithaca doctor.  Then, he terminated that thanks to insurance issues.

Basically no woman in my area can have a home birth.

I was crushed.  I had this vision of being relaxed and at peace in my home.  Instead I will have another hospital birth.  I am hoping the doula and caring midwife will help me be strong and avoid an epidural.

It is so sad that my choice was taken from me.  If this is my last baby I will never get the home birth experience.  And if the laws aren’t changed, neither will hundreds of other mothers in my area.

Free Our Midwives is working to change the law to help midwives in NY practice.  Hopefully they do!