Yeah I know… I’m late to the party… but when this phrase popped into my head I had to share it because frankly it was just too perfect not to.

Women were born to birth babies. Forget about the screaming, dramatized labors you see in the Media.

Educate yourself about birth. Read a good book like Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth. Watch a great documentary like The Business of Being Born. Surround yourself with the support you need (family, friends, midwives, and doulas).

Then finally, when the time comes, KEEP CALM AND BIRTH AT HOME. Sounds so simple, sounds so easy, but it really can be both.

{read my homebirth story}

Over a year ago I gave birth to my second baby at home.  Almost 3 years ago I gave birth to my first baby in a hospital.  Both experiences were valuable and the results were phenomenal because I have two amazing sons.

Lately I have been going over each birth and the anticipation leading up to them.  As a first time mother who was living in a new state, far away from family, I was relying on acquaintances to help pick the OB/GYN that would eventually deliver my son.  We chose the OB based on the hospital he delivered at.  I never considered a homebirth but I was planning on a natural delivery.

Image credit Pavel Tcholakov via Flickr

The desire to get pregnant was strong for me.  I always wanted to be a mother.  The scariest thing to me, prior to getting pregnant, was the idea of being in a hospital.  I had never been admitted to one in my life before giving birth. Other than the occasional ER visit (including one for swallowing the bar on my tongue ring in college!) I never spent much time in the hospital as a patient, only as a volunteer.  The idea terrified me.  Hospitals are cold, depressing places in my mind.  There are sick people there, dying people, people in pain.  Then me: going to give birth on what would become one of the happiest days of my life.

I was afraid of getting lost in that gigantic hospital and never finding the labor and delivery ward.  I was pertrified of having any IV’s put into my veins.  I worried about how the unwelcoming environment would affect my labor and my overall comfort level.  I was even afraid of sleeping there overnight and the possibility that my husband wouldn’t be allowed to stay with me.

With all of these concerns a homebirth still never came to mind.

I ended up with a very intervened birth.  I was induced, I had IV’s in my  veins, I had a heartrate monitor on during the entire 20+ hour labor, I wore a hideous hospital gown, I received an epidural, I had to have a catheter inserted, and I received stitches.  I am still amazed that I still had a vaginal birth.  The odds were against me.

Now it is very easy for me to look back and scream into the past “Have a homebirth!”  It is even easier for me to wonder why, after having experienced both, hospitals are the norm.  Hospitals are for the sick and injured.

Labor is not a disease or a broken bone. Pregnant women are not sick.  Birth is a part of life that every mother is intended to experience.  On rare occasions complications make hospital births safer for mothers who are high risk or for babies who are known to have problems that will need medical attention after delivery.  Thank goodness these options are there.

It saddens me to think of the women who are in my shoes, or will be.  Afraid of the hospital but unaware of the alternative of a homebirth.  The more we talk about it the more the idea won’t sound so crazy.

I’m incredibly thankful for all of the women who make homebirth a topic of conversation, who normalize it, and who live it.  Ina May Gaskinand Ricki Lakeare my homebirth heros and women whose work and passion played a huge role in giving me the courage to homebirth.  I also admire Gina of The Feminist Breeder who writes about homebirth and feminist issues.  She also gave birth at home, live.  I’m honored to have witnessed it as well.

I don’t know if there are more children in my future.  If there are I will plan for another homebirth.  I can’t imagine ever going back to a hospital.  If I had to choose between a Hospital and Homebirth I would choose a Birth Center (which is cheating, I didn’t give that option).  The next time I’m admitted to a hospital it should be for a real emergency or illness.  Eventually my lucky streak has to run out, right?

Right before bed last night I saw a Facebook post from my friend, and fellow Birth Lover, Ginni.  She linked to a Live Homebirth in progress.  Because the birth world is rather small I realized it happened to be that of Talina.  I follow her on Twitter and have read her blog on occasion.  I knew already that she was giving birth on The Farm.

The Farm is a community built by Ina May Gaskin, the world’s most famous midwife, and her husband.  It is a place women come to give birth in peace.  If the woman doesn’t live at The Farm she can stay in a cabin for a portion of her pregnancy until the baby is born.

When I joined the birth it was around 11:30 PM.  I intended on popping on just to see what was going on, then jumping in bed.  And I did, until I was laying in bed next to my son and husband and realized there was no way I was falling asleep.  She was 8 centimeters…… I could stay up right?

Like a fly on the wall, I, and eventually 1,800 other looky-loo’s viewed the homebirth of baby girl Everly.

Why would someone want to watch a live homebirth?

For me, it was a beautiful and empowering vision of what birth can be.  It just so happens that Talina made birth look easy.  She hardly made a sound until it came time to push.  There was no hair pulling, screaming, cursing, white knuckle clutching, or other theatrics that often come to mind when natural childbirth is pictured.  My own homebirth was not nearly as peaceful and quiet, but women labor differently.  I was a vocalizer!

For others, it was a hopeful glimpse at what they wanted to happen.  There were numerous mothers who were due any day.  First time mothers who were going to deliver in a hospital with the desire for a natural childbirth, and mothers planning a homebirth.

Then there were those who were watching with envy at what was taken from them by incompetent hospital staff, or an unfortunate set of circumstances, or true medical emergencies.  Bad hospital experiences and C- Section stories littered the chat.  You could tell some mothers were watching with sadness and jealousy (and of course happiness for Talina) and others were healing during the process, knowing that birth CAN be normal.

Fortunately, there were very few trolls.  I feared that due to the public nature of the birth (anyone could view it and join the live chat) that many perverts and trolls would join in.  It happened, but I can only remember 2-3.  Also, the Mother and Father didn’t monitor the chat so the negative and condescending comments from some of the viewers about what position she should labor in, why are they checking her cervix, why did they break her water, why are they cutting the cord now, etc weren’t seen.

Overall it was something I would do again.  I might be spoiled because Talina truly made birth look like a minor event.  She was calm, relaxed, and listened to her body.  Her contractions worked the baby down slowly which was a great thing considering that she was in labor 15 hours by my count.

I stayed up until 3:00 am EST to see the birth.  We kept thinking it would be any minute now, but there was no rush for the mother.  We were along for the ride.  We cheered on mom and dad.  The dad was the ideal birth partner.  He applied counter pressure to her back during contractions, he massaged her, comforted her, and held her from behind in bed during the pushing phase.

When it was really time for the birth the parents woke their daughter who is about 2.5-3 years old.  They wanted her to see her sister being born.  She was at the head of the bed and not in the baby zone.  She was tired and shy, burying her head in her dad’s arm.

And I totally cried. The sister threw me over the edge.  I couldn’t take how beautiful and perfect this family was!  It was what a birth should be.

My hope is that out of the 1,800 viewers there, many had their ideas about homebirth changed for the better.  My fear is that she made it look so easy maybe others think it isn’t hard work!  She was working, but she was in control!

And now I am still riding off of the Contact Birth High (and lack of sleep delirium).  I want to do it again, right now!  I want to have another homebirth.  I want to invite my boys this time.  And I want to film it instead of just taking photos.  I don’t have any video from Everett’s birth except 20 seconds that were accidentally filmed during a contraction.  Will I have another baby?  I don’t know.

People may not approve of a woman broadcasting her birth live for the world to see.  That’s OK, they don’t all have to approve, and they certainly don’t have to watch.  I’m so glad she put out a healthy, normal, beautiful natural homebirth for the internet to see and I’m honored I was able to be a part of it.

Talina blogs at Harvest of Daily Life, which is currently down due to the overwhelming traffic last night.  I’ll be anxiously waiting to see photos of her beautiful new baby girl and hear her side of the story.

The silver lining to an otherwise gloomy day came to me at a SuperCuts. I know, I’m as surprised as you are about that one. I don’t dare get my hair cut in any mass chain cuttery with the actual name “Cut” in it, but I will take my son there to get a “3″ in the back and a “5″ on top.

The young lady who was cutting my son’s hair was beautiful, youthful, and personable.  She immediately thought to ask if she could offer the reward of a “l-o-l-l-i” which I appreciated.  Generally, I decline but since she secretly asked and my son needed some coaxing I reluctantly agreed.

With the promise of a lollipop, color of his choice, and an iPhone in hand to keep him still for the 10 minute clipper session, my son was ready for a trim.

The stylist and I, I’ll call her Beth, started talking.  I commented at how great she was with my son.  She went on to tell me how she came from a family with 5 brothers and sisters.  She then told me that I reminded her of her own mother; young, with a child strapped to my person (I wore Everett in the Ergo on front and walked Fletcher in), and seemingly had it all together.

Then she asked my age, to which I responded “26.”

“How old were you when you had your first baby?”

“I was 23.”

She told me that is the age she wants to start her family, and she is just shy of 23.

Because she noticed my carrier she actually asked if I used cloth diapers. When the subject of cloth diapers comes up in real life I have to gauge the other person’s interest level.  Do I bombard them with information and tell them what I do for work?  Or do I just state that I do indeed use cloth diapers?

Since she seemed really interested I went with the first option.  She asked about my favorite brands, and a few questions related to reviewing diapers for a living.  Then we got to the good stuff: Homebirth.

The topic arose organically, we went from cloth diapers, to breastfeeding to homebirth.  To my surprise, she was interested in pursuing a homebirth.  She is still a little naive about it though, considering when I told her about my son being born at home she asked “Without any pain meds?!” in a surprised voice.

Maybe I am stereotyping, but never in a million years would I have pegged this young lady for a potential homebirther. Then again, I don’t consider myself in the “homebirth image” if there was such a thing.  To the general public I assume a homebirther would have hairy legs, wear birkies, have a head scarf, and live in a Yurt.  See the SNL Skit:

Beth was stylish, well accessorized, tan, an unnatural blonde, and so young!

I immediately told Beth that she should watch Business of Being Born, the documentary on the state of our Maternal Healthcare System in the US by Ricki Lake and Abby Epstein.

Get this: she has already seen it!  And that video is what inspired her to consider homebirth.

“I already know how doctors are in a rush to get things done and I see how that could mess things up.” she said.

I almost leapt out of my shoes!  A young woman, not yet pregnant, has already seen The Business of Being Born and it impacted her enough to think critically about her future birth.

I gave her a brief description of how easy and amazing my own homebirth (Everett- 10-20-2010) was compared to my first son’s birth.  Then I told her she had to read Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth.  The film and  the book are the things I suggest to anyone thinking of giving birth at home.

Business of Being Born really shows you WHY so many women end up having C-Sections and unplanned interventions. It fit my first birth to a T.  Uncessecary Induction—>Constant Fetal Monitoring—–>Laboring in the Bed—–>Stronger Than Normal Contractions from Pitocin—->Epidural—–>Total loss of control and misery——->Crummy Birth Experience.    I got a healthy baby out of it (although I believe he was induced too early- more on what my overdue baby taught me about my first induction) and I love my son, but it shouldn’t have been that way.  I should have advocated for myself.  I believed, as most people do, that the doctor and hospital staff had my best interest at heart.  Maybe, but only if it fit into their schedule and their ideals of when a baby should appear.

Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth is my Bible for natural childbirth. One doesn’t have to have a homebirth to benefit from the lessons inside.  No truer words have ever been spoken about any topic than when Ina May eloquently explains “Sphincter Law.”  Ever try to shit with someone watching you?  Didn’t work out so well?  Try the same effort (pushing) with 5 unfamiliar faces watching your crotch under a harsh light.  Or, conversely, try having a BM in your own peaceful bathroom, alone, in normal conditions.  Doesn’t giving birth on your turf, in your home, make sense?  I’ve already professed my love for this book, you can read more if you want.

I’d like to think my chance encounter with Beth, and my positive homebirth experience, has only solidified her desire to look further into homebirth (and cloth diapers!).  Even though she is only 4 years younger than me, she is in the next group of women in line to give birth.  As with all things, the ripple effect of her deciding to homebirth will reach others.  Her friends, her family, her own children.

I was one of  the lucky ones. My labor resulted in a vaginal delivery.  For that I am so grateful.  This isn’t always the case, clearly, because the C-Section rate in the US is 32.9%. {The Unneccesarean}

I want the Beths of the world to know the facts.  Understand their rights, not just as a woman, but as a person.

Even if Beth decides to give birth at a hospital, with an OB or Midwife, she should ask questions. “Why do you say I HAVE to have the baby by 39 weeks?  Why do I need this test?  Do I have to have a cervical dilation check?  Can I walk around during labor?”  Not every OB is bad, and not every Midwife is good.  A woman can have a good birth experience at a birth center, even a hospital, if she asks the right questions and finds the right care provider.  More importantly, her partner has to advocate for her against any outside pressures.

My mistake was the same one that every other mother makes.  I trusted a broken system.

I want to run into a million more Beths and talk about homebirth and cloth diapers and breastfeeding.  Not in a pushy way, or a “holier than though” way, but just a way.  They say knowledge is power right?  Since schools and universities don’t teach “How to Have a Baby 101″ the conversation is up to those of us who know.  Unfortunately for many of us, we learned the hard way.

So next time a subject you are passionate about presents itself in a SuperCuts, go for it.  You may just make a huge difference in someone’s life, or look like a crazy.  Take that risk, option B won’t kill you if it happens.

How many people have you had the chance to chat with about your chosen passion subject(s)?  Do you think you made an impact?  How do you handle not coming off as a zealot while hoping to make a difference/ educate?

My husband was a tough nut to crack when it came to homebirth.

Once I knew I wanted to have our second son at home and I grew the balls to tell him- it wasn’t pretty.

After weeks of discussion he hesitantly agreed to meet with a midwife, if only to shut me up.

The rest is history.

We had our homebirth on October 20, 2010 (birth story).  It was perfect.  Baby and Mom were healthy and my husband never had to see the placenta.

If you saw us on the street you would never think “I bet those people had their baby at home.”

If there is a “homebirth” stereotype it wouldn’t be us.

I asked my husband if I could interview him about homebirth.  While I was researching the idea the one thing I wanted was a movie or video to show my husband that showed “real” guys who supported their wives’ decision to have a homebirth.  (There is a DVD but I was too cheap to buy it!)

Now that he is part of the Homebirthing Dads club I asked him a few questions about getting to that point and the birth itself.

He isn’t a man of many words and he may not give the “OMG Homebirth is awesome!” answers that others would want, but I think his honesty and the fact that he still did it, speak to the fact that anyone can do it.

In case you are wondering, my husband wanted to be “anonymous.”  He has been seen many times on this blog in photos however the video will also be on YouTube so for that avenue he preferred to not show his face.

Even though today is just another day, it also has the title of Mother’s Day.  I’m not complaining!  This is the one day of year, other than my birthday, that I get special treatment.  I am guaranteed the option of sleeping in, I get gifts, and my husband is a little extra helpful around the house.

My two boys (oh my- I really have two children!) are both too young to understand Mother’s Day.  My toddler keeps saying “Happy Birthday Mommy, Happy Birthday Daddy, Happy Birthday Rhett, Happy Birthday Fletcher” since he associates gifts with birthdays.  He does keep giving me extra big hugs though, so he must know it is my special day.

When I look at my two boys together it is hard to believe that they are both mine.  I get to keep them.  They depend on me for all of their needs.  Fletcher thrived on my milk for 18 months.  Everett has bulked up to 19 pounds on my milk alone.  That in itself is amazing and hard to even imagine.  Not only did I build him inside of my body for 41 weeks and 5 days, I have fed him for 6.5 months on milk from my body.  He is solely made up of nutrients from ME.

Fletcher is my little dancer.  He can be anywhere- a store, at a festival, in our home, in an elevator- and when he hears a tune he starts dancing.  Anytime is a good time to dance.  He is so loving and kind to everyone.  He is constantly giving me hugs, his father hugs, and even his brother.  He is still young enough to believe that kisses are the cure for everything.  He has already asked me to kiss his “wee-wee” and “butt” boo boos to make them all better.  It was hilarious but frustrating for him since he really needed a boo boo kiss.  I politely declined and blew them kisses instead.  Fletcher is also just starting to experience fears.  We have had storms lately and he is afraid to sleep in his bed and asks for “Mommy’s bed.”  I love that just the act of sleeping in my bed is enough to calm his fears.

Everett is turning out to be the opposite of Fletcher in so many ways.  He sleeps well at night, mostly.  He is content to sit and play on the floor or with his brother.  You can look at him and he just smiles from ear to ear.  He likes to play shy and will smile at someone but then dig his face into my shirt, then smile again.  His favorite “toy” is crinkly paper.  He is a Daddy’s boy though.  When he saw his Dad after he came back from a 3 day trip, the smile on his face was bigger than any I have ever seen.  It melted my heart!

So far the best part about being a mom of two boys has been watching Everett and Fletcher interact.  Everett is in awe of his big brother.  He watches him run around the house with delight and when Fletcher smiles at him he always beams back.  We play “Laser Cats” but with “Laser Baby” and I use Ev as a laser gun and attack Fletcher.  Both kids enjoy this game more than anything in the world.

That day I become a mother of Two

At some point we will have to make the decision- will we add to our already happy family?  I love the pair of boys I have but of course I would love to add a girl to the mix for my own selfish reason.  What mother doesn’t want to make a little person in her image?  I want to share those girly bonding moments.  My husband already has his two boys.  He gets to look forward to camping and fishing trips, father son talks, and sharing a beer together one day.  Since I can’t control the sex of the next baby I will have to make the decision, along with my husband, what to do.  I know in my heart that if another boy joins the family I will love him.  I do love the craziness of having a house of boys.  I also want to have another wonderful homebirth one day.  But do I really want to go through the baby stage all over again?  There is a little bit of Michelle Duggar in me that feels that my purpose in life as a woman is to have children.  I mean, how cool is it that I can do that?  Isn’t it wrong of me to prevent that from happening?  Not for religious reasons, just the “wow” factor of growing babies, birthing them, and nursing them.  Then I remember how daily life is already a chore with two babies.

Even if the next 50 Mother’s Days are as a Mother of Two I will still be happy.  These boys give me more than enough love to live on for a million years!

Happy Mother’s Day to everyone!

Ina May Gaskin, America’s Leading Midwife, has a new book out this month titled Birth Matters: A Midwife’s Manifesta. And I am in tears from just finishing it.

I am sure many of my reader’s are familiar with Ina May and her life’s work of not only providing phenomal midwifery services to women at The Farm, her community in rural Tennessee, but also her dedication to promoting the midwifery model of care to improve women’s birth experiences.

Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth truly made me believe in my ability to birth my son at home.  It made me realize that I needed to “let my monkey out” while laboring, as Ina May so famously suggested.  I needed to tap into my primal self, the self that instinctively knows how to birth a baby.  The self who, if she didn’t realize she was pregnant and suddenly doubled over in pain and thought she had to make a gigantic bowel movement, would assume the position and birth a baby.

And I did. I moaned, I swayed, I paced, and knelt, and reached, and I grabbed that baby -at home- with the care of 2 great midwives, a doula, and my husband by my side.  So thank you, Ina May.

Birth Matters is different from her other books because it is a history of birth, an exploration of why birth changed from midwife driven to obstetrics and surgery, and how we can get it back to being about women, not profit.  Birth is not only a feminist issue, it is person issue.  Birth shapes mothers and fathers; and how babies are born can shape them as well.  Birth should be respected and honored, not treated as a medical issue in need of solving.

The US has a serious problem.  Our Motherhood Morbidity rates far exceed other nations with comparable technology and wealth.  As it stands, we are at 15.1 maternal deaths per 100,000 births in 2005, up from 7.5 per 100,000 in 1982.   Even sadder, the rates are likely higher than even we know since the CDC reports that two thirds of maternal deaths are not represented because the method of reporting deaths has no standard and is not being done properly.  We are behind 40 other countries.

To understand where we are, where we have been, and where we need to go Ina May documents her own journey to midwifery, the witch hunt and near total eradication of the midwife culture in the US, the resurgence of midwifery care thanks to the Natural Birth Movement, and how we still have a long way to go to get midwifery care to all mothers who desire it.

I myself had to travel 1.5 hours away to receive care in order to have a homebirth. Was it worth it?  Yes!  Would I do it again?  Absolutely.  Should I have to?  No. And NY isn’t the worst in terms of laws regarding midwifery care.  At least here midwives are now legal to practice and Certified Nurse Midwives can be covered by insurance.  Others have it far worse than I did.

So much of this book took me back to my own hospital birth.  In a way I am grateful for it because now I see why hospitals aren’t the best place to have a baby.  The OB/GYN model of care treats women as “ill” who need to be monitored, tested, and have their birth’s practically mapped out if the baby won’t come on their “estimated due date.”  Even the EDD’s are changing.  When once the expectation was that a mother would have her baby around 40-42 weeks, we have shortchanged mother’s by 2 weeks and say 40 is the max!  Just in my own life, the mothers I know who chose an OB and delivered in a hospital usually ended up delivering in the 37-40 week timeframe.  Many ended up with inductions.  Of the women I know who chose a midwife and/or a homebirth, most delivered in the 38-41 week time frame, or later.

I appreciate technological advances but where do we draw the line?  Ina May relates many of the “advances” in medicine and technology that have in fact done great harm to mothers and babies.  She even discusses the new phenomenon of stopping periods with birth control.  It seems the research on many drugs and procedures prescribed to women are lacking the long term studies they deserve.  Examples include DES (the hormone pill given to women to prevent miscarriages which has given two generations, maybe more, a rare cancer), X-Ray’s on pregnant women that were once all the rage, forcep deliveries for nearly every birth at one time, twilight sleep (women were drugged and given amnesiacs, tied down, and went totally crazy.  They gave birth tied down but never remembered it, thus thinking it went well and was painless, when in fact it was not).  Then there is the technical advance of Electronic Fetal Monitoring and the pain relief drug, the Epidural.

The last two can be useful, but with overuse they cause more harm than good.  EFM in particular seems wonderful, but it has replaced nurses and doctors with a beeping machine.

And what about the Cesarean? I don’t think even the most staunch natural birth adovocate will deny that the C-Section has a place in this world. It can and has saved countless mothers and babies.

It has also become commonplace, accepted, and normal.  It is no longer just a life saving measure.  It is prescribed for virtually all breach babies, multiples, and of course, for any women who has had a previous C-Section.

The World Health Organization says C-Section births should be no higher than 10-15%.  The US stands at 32%, nearly one in three women! Some hospitals have rates in the 60-75% range.  When the C-Section rate reaches its highest point at 5:00-6:00 PM we know something is wrong.

Ina May and others are proposing we change the broken maternal healthcare system.  Easier said than done, right?

There is a new Mother-Friendly Childbirth Initiative, and this is laid out in the book.  Among other things, to be classified as a CIMS hospital, free standing birth center, or homebirth practice, C-Section rates cannot exceed 15%, but the goal is 5%.  Inductions (a topic close to my heart) should not exceed the rate of 10%, episiotomies should not exceed 20% but the goal is 5%, and VBAC (vaginal births after Cesarean) should be at least 60% but the goal is 75%.  The VBAC rate finally has a chance to increase thanks to the recent ruling by ACOG saying every woman has the right to a trial of labor to achieve a vaginal birth after cesarean.

Other goals are to treat women with the respect their deserve, to give more women access to midwives who want it, to let women labor and move about freely, to let women eat or drink, and so on.  Things that you would think are common sense, yet they don’t happen in many hospitals.

The CIMS hospital would also discourage non religious circumcisions, follow the WHO-UNICEF’s “10 Steps of the Baby Friendly Hospital Initiative”  for successsful breastfeeding, and mothers would receive adequate post-partum care including homevisits.

I am almost in tears again reliving the story told in this book (and many other places) of a woman who died of a post-partum hemorrhage a few years ago in NY.  Her mother was concerned about her, and last time they spoke the woman complained of a head ache.  When police finally broke down her door many days alter (after being asked to many times) they found the mother had bled out and her newborn had died of dehydration and starvation.

Had there been a postpartum homevisit her condition would have likely been discovered.  And at the very least, the baby would have been discovered in time.  In the book the number of babies born to single mothers is reported to be nearly 50%.  Many probably don’t have family to check on them.

The US has a problem. There is a solution.  God-willing one day this broken system will be fixed and the needless deaths of mothers (and babies) due to inadequate care, botched C-Sections, and post-partum complications left undiscovered will cease.

That is why I will be joining the Rally at the U.S. Capital with Ina May Gaskin and The Safe Motherhood Quilt.

Find out more information on The Motherhood Quilt and its mission.

You are damn right Birth Matters.  So let’s fix it.

You can find a copy of Birth Matters from my affiliate Amazon.com.  If you buy from my link you can help fund my trip to DC!  I am also hoping to attend her speech which has a hefty ticket price and would involve an extra hotel night.

I received a copy of this book in advance from the publisher for review. I also devoured it in 3 days.  Clearly, I enjoyed it and I think you will too.

My second birth experience was a homebirth and I wouldn’t change a thing. But I also had a hospital delivery in what I believe to be a wonderful hospital. At the time I was looking for OB GYN’s (I never considered a midwife, it was so far off my radar you wouldn’t believe it.  I was quite a different person then and not educated in childbirth, breastfeeding, or AP anything) based on the recommendations of my husband’s co worker’s.  I switched OB’s early on because my first doctor would see us for 5 minutes after the nurse did all of the heavy lifting.  He criticized me for gaining too much weight too quickly, frankly, he was right, but it wasn’t in the nicest tone.

We picked a new OB GYN based on the hospital he delivered at and the fact that his office was 8 minutes from my house.  St. Joseph’s Medical Center was touted as a wonderful place to give birth.  They even had The Birth Place, an epidural free zone meant for low risk, natural birth deliveries that was more like home.  I wanted to give birth there but didn’t get to (I was “high risk” with Gestational Diabetes).

Still, this hospital was wonderful.  It is also one of very few “Baby Friendly” hospitals in the nation.

The Baby-Friendly Hospital Initiative (BFHI) is a global program sponsored by the World Health Organization (WHO) and the United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF) to encourage and recognize hospitals and birthing centers that offer an optimal level of care for infant feeding. The BFHI assists hospitals in giving mothers the information, confidence, and skills needed to successfully initiate and continue breastfeeding their babies or feeding formula safely, and gives special recognition to hospitals that have done so.

My labor and delivery nurses honored my birth plan.  I won’t write out my own birth story, but the induction process itself inhibited my desire to labor the way I wanted.  This ultimately led me to get an epidural.  This was not spurred on by my nurses or my doctor.  In fact, the doctor who delivered my son (not my own OB who was not on call) accepted our plan to leave the cord attached (delayed cord clamping) and allowed me to pull my son out on my own.

St Joseph’s also encourages “rooming in.” Rooming in means your baby is with you at all times as long as you are both healthy.  The nurses will likely change your baby but you are in charge of the rest.  Hopefully your hospital also allows your significant other to stay the night to help you.  Nurses will help you around the clock to nurse you baby (hopefully) if you need the assistance. If you are set on breastfeeding your baby you will want to insist on this.  If yours does not have this policy you may want to look around for a new hospital or ask if you can room in anyways.

Giving birth at a “baby friendly” hospital means you will also have access to excellent Lactation Consultants.  I have already written about how my Lactation Consultant saved my breastfeeding relationship with my first son.  I had free follow ups and I took advantage of them.

You will also want to ask:

• “What is your hospital’s C-Section rate?”
• “Can I eat during my labor?”
• “Can I eat my own food?”
• “Is there a shower or tub I can labor in”
• Are the rooms equipped with birth balls, birth stools, or other labor tools?”
• “Am I required to be monitored?”
• “Will the nurses read over my birth plan and honor it?”
• “If I have a C-Section, can I use a mirror to view the birth?”
• “Will I be able to nurse my baby within 15 minutes, barring any immediate complications?”
• “Can I check out early?”
• “Can I have a waterbirth if I choose?” (some hospitals have tubs for waterbirths, others allow you to bring your own tub.)
• “Can my doula be present?”

If you are delivering in a birth center that does not allow epidurals, you will want to ask what the transfer plan is in case of an emergency C-Section or if you decide you want pain medication.

Choosing the right care provider, whether it be an OB GYN or midwife, is also important. I can’t say that one is more important than the other.  Even the best provider can’t provide you with your birth experience if the hospital is working against you, and vice versa.  Most of these questions can apply to finding your provider.  If you are looking for a homebirth midwife I have a list of questions that you may want to copy.

Every woman deserves quality medical care.  I am so happy I chose a homebirth, but I know even if I had known more about childbirth while pregnant with my first son I still would have birthed in a hospital.  Being a first time mom, I wouldn’t have known how my labor would be, and being in a hospital would have felt safer.  However, I would have educated myself better about inductions and would have chosen a midwife rather than an OB GYN.  Unfortunately many women have no choices in hospitals because they only have the one in their town. In this case you will want to be your own advocate! Hire a doula, make sure your husband is on the same page with you regarding your birth plan.  And speaking of birth plans, having one that is too long or too strict may do more harm than good. Sometimes it is best to have 2, a detailed plan to discuss with the doctor/midwife who will be delivering you, and a shorter, list form for the labor nurses.  They will be more likely to read it this way.

I am not a “controversial” blogger. In fact, when writing out my posts I am constantly asking myself “Will this offend someone?  Can this be taken the wrong way?” And so on.  Yet, just the topics I write about are controversial in themselves so I do get the upset mother commenting every once in a while.  I’ll admit it, it sucks.  I get a little sweaty just reading it.  Did I really just hurt someone’s feelings?!

I have been afraid to “push buttons” my entire life. When I have had confrontations in the past they never really went that well.  If a boss of mine was stepping all over me I let them.  The only time I ever stood up for myself was in high school.  I worked as a waitress at a steak house; the manager was a tool.  One day I found out from a friend that he was mocking me and my laugh (which is rather unique and it is a love it/hate it thing) and calling me names to the staff.  I was so upset but not sure what to do.  I stewed over my shift.  I wanted to walk out and tell him to kiss my ass.  So I did.  I calculated my totals and handed him the money for the day from my food sales and the tip share.  I let him know I had heard the things he said and I couldn’t work with him anymore.  As I stormed off, dirty black apron in hand, he shouted after me “You better have all my money!”  To which I replied, “Every last penny!”  I was shaking, sweating, and a little nauseous.  I was also only partially employed (I was working 2 jobs to support myself.) and nervous.  I told myself I never wanted to have that happen again.

Then in college I was the Customer Service Coordinator for TJ Maxx.  This was a stressful job, mainly because no one was preventing the theft of goods and the return fraud occurring many times a day, every day.  So, I took matters into my own hands.  I became a vigilante, upholding righteousness and truth.  I refused returns, I stalked the thieves and called them out on their crap.  It was exciting and got my blood boiling and my heart racing.  This was a different kind of confrontation.  I was fighting for morality.  It was black and white; stealing and fraud are bad, mmmk?  Don’t do it or I will catch you.  I had no problem telling a customer to their face that they are pulling crap, bye bye.  If I ever see you again I will catch you.

Blogging is different and the same. I can sit behind my computer and write about my passions; cloth diapering, breastfeeding, babywearing, homebirth and natural childbirth, co-sleeping, and so on.  It just so happens that a lot of these topics polarize the mommy community.  When you say breastfeeding is good, the formula feeding moms often hear “formula is bad.”  When you say natural childbirth was the best choice you made the mom who chose an epidural hears “Epidurals are wrong and bad for the baby.”  If I say “Disposable diapers are wasteful and toxic” I am interpreted as telling moms they are harming the earth and their baby.

Is that what I mean?  Of course not.  But by praising one topic the other gets put down.  It isn’t like I am equally supportive of disposable diapers but I just happen to be writing about cloth diapers; that simply doesn’t jive.

For the record, here is where I am coming from.

I had a homebirth and it was all natural.  I also had a hospital birth, induced with pitocin, and had an epidural.  I loved my homebirth experience, but the hospital experience made me who I am today.  I don’t look down on any woman for choosing pain medications.  In fact, I wish the US had the option for Nitrous Oxide, a pain relief method commonly used overseas including homebirths!  It is safer, it is fast, and can be administered off and on at will.  Having a natural birth doesn’t make you a better mom but it is something to be proud of (but not brag about, big difference.)

I also love breastfeeding and I think every mother should attempt it.  It is cliche, but that is what they are there for!  Boobs are many things; they are food for babies, nice to look at and play with for your significant other, and they make nice pillows.  It doesn’t have to be a one or the other thing.  If you choose to formula feed for that reason then maybe I do have something to say about it.  If you fell prey to the many booby traps in the world that came between you and your baby’s nursing relationship I am sorry.  Then there are the moms who had to for other reasons that are out of their control.  I don’t think you are a bad mom, you are feeding your baby.  In the end, that is the most important thing.  Babies need to eat and need to be loved.  In my world, that means breastfeeding and cuddling my baby.

Cloth diapers….. oh boy.  Cloth is my thing.  I love cloth diapers, if I didn’t I wouldn’t spend the considerable time and effort that I do maintaining this website.  I would like everyone to use cloth diapers for whom it is feasible.  Unlike some others, I know there is a time and a place for disposable diapers and hybrid inserts.  I have used them myself.  I have never tried to hide that fact.  When we have ammonia issues (far too often than I should but dammit I can’t get rid of it!) my toddler sleeps in a disposable.  *gasp* Yes he does.  If not, he wakes up with a gigantic burn.  I have been reduced to tears before at watching my son not want to sit in his bath because it hurt his privates.  Nothing stings more than knowing the choice you made to better the environment and protect your baby from chemicals back fired.

Other reasons cloth might not be for you: no washer/dryer access. I won’t lie to your face and tell you that I would hand wash diapers daily in order to use cloth.  Call me names, I don’t care!  Some of you have commented that you do just that, and that is cool.  It isn’t for me. Update! I decided to try handwashing and using flat cloth diapers for 7 days. I found it possible, not ideal. My journey can be found here: Flats Challenge

Discussing cloth diapers in a mommy forum (I have been trying to put into words a post on mom boards, one of these days I will post it) can conjure up some serious feelings.  Usually the disposable moms get sick of hearing about how awesome cloth diapers are.  I have seen the alienation of moms when a group of women get to chatting about fluff.  And then, if you say something bad about cloth, the fluffy moms can get nasty.

I’m not gonna rehash it, but I wrote about The Great Divide of Cloth Diapering and why maybe we should promote to the middle class and not say “well if you can’t afford disposable diapers, why don’t you use cloth?” to families who just can’t.

If a low income family does have the ability to wash cloth diapers, often times they are unaware that it is an option or cannot afford the start up cost.  A friend of mine is working on starting a local diaper loaning program for these families.  I’d love to see more reusable diaper banks on a local level!

You will never hear me say that your choice to ______ was wrong.  Advocacy, in my eyes, isn’t about black and white.  Stealing is wrong, but getting an epidural- that was your choice and you have the right to do so.  I’m just thankful there are so many options in life.  I know that many of you are here because you come here often, you “get” me and my ideas, you share many of my passions.  Then there are those of you who might have ended up here from following a link on Facebook or Twitter, or you googled something.  Maybe you are here to leave a comment on a different post telling me I should be ashamed of myself for not seeing the other side.  I do.  I might not agree with it, and it isn’t for me, but it is for someone.

Finally, one thing I have learned in the 2 years I’ve been a parent is this:

Never, ever, ever say “Never.”

I have eaten my words more than once when it comes to my parenting ideals and what happened.  ”My son will never watch _____” or “My son will only eat ______”  Guess what? He watches ____ and he eats a ton of ____.  Overall, things have gone my way but toddlers sure know how to manipulate their parents.

I remind myself of this every time I see another parent holding a bottle or giving their kid a sucker, turning on the TV, or putting them in their crib and receiving protests.  I don’t know where they are coming from or how they got to where they are and neither do you.

I will be linking this post again and again when I take to blogging about something that might “offend” others.  If you do read a controversial post here, it is a rare one!  They do seem to bring in the most traffic so I get why there are so many blogs dedicated to pissing people off, but that is not me! Still, when I see something that needs to be said in the name of promoting or defending my passions, I am sure as hell going to write about it!

image via flickr user Tony3 using the Creative Commons License

I let another baby show into my life today.  It snuck up on me and I missed the premiere but thankfully Jezebel.com reminded me.  I set off to DVR the next showing.  Luckily, I knew the network, Lifetime, wouldn’t hold out on me too long before it re-aired the premiere.  I flipped through a day’s worth of quality programming such as “Reba,” “The New Adventures of Old Christine,” “Grey’s Anatomy,” “Desperate Housewives,” “Unsolved Mysteries,” and a heckuvalotta paid programming on how to lose weight, eat right, and get rid of stretchmarks…… then…… bam!  Next airing.  Remind me next time to find the title!  ”One Born Every Minute.”  Where have I heard that phrase before…… oh right.

I already knew coming into this episode that it was snarky and less than supportive of natural childbirth.  Both Jezebel.com and The Feminist Breeder had posts up already.  I wanted to see for myself.

In the introduction there are SCREAMING women cut into tiny, quick shots for high drama.  If I were pregnant I would want to run away screaming already.  Nothing like showing a woman in the most intense pain of their lives (although probably most of these shots were filmed during the pushing phase, where even a medicated woman would be screaming or making the O face) to remind you to take your birth control pill.

The title of this episode was so right on “To Medicate or Not, That is the Question” Every woman shown, even the woman who walked in with a birth plan and was dedicated to a low intervention, drug free birth, was asked numerous times “Would you like an epidural?”  Other versions of this question, “Do you want something for the pain?”  ”Would you like something in your IV to numb the pain?”  or the assumption, “Ready for your epidural, yet?”

One of the moms was interviewed and had this to say about giving birth drug free: “You wouldn’t go to the dentist and get your tooth pulled without medication, why would you give birth that way?” Or something to that effect.  I didn’t write it down… I was shaking a rattle for my baby while viewing the show!

No, I wouldn’t go med free to have a tooth pulled, nor would I request to have my arm sawed off without some anesthesia.  In these cases, the doctor is in complete control of the procedure.  I would merely be a limp, hopefully very medicated and very happy, piece of meat.

Childbirth is a horse of another color. Pain has a purpose. Pain makes you move, change positions, moan, yell, and scream.  Natural childbirth is a primal experience where you don’t care about the eyes around you.  Your decision making is purely instinctual.  This is a GREAT thing.  I felt trepidation about looking silly, making noise, and so on.  When the time came, I would have crab walked nude through the living room if that made the labor progress and the pain easier to manage.  Once you accept and embrace the pain, you will get through it.  And if you are having a hard time, visualize the baby coming through your birth canal.  I did this over and over, I could almost feel those warm wrinkles on his head before he even came out.

And because I am so impressed by the couple on this show who allowed their labor, no matter how loud, to be aired, I decided to let you see the only video from my homebirth.  20 seconds of a contraction during transition.  This was only a few minutes before I had to push.

I chose a homebirth to avoid the temptation of drugs.  I had an epidural the first time but I didn’t want another.  Now, If you ask me once if I want a bowl of ice cream when I am on a diet, I will say no.  If you come back and ask me again after I have already been thinking about how damn tasty that ice cream would be, so much so that I am salivating, I am going to say no but really, I want to say yes.  If you come back and say, “You know, one bowl of ice cream isn’t going to make you gain 10 pounds, and it will make you feel better.  Would you like one?”  I am going to say yes.

And if you use the tone of voice one of the nurses on the show used and say “Are you sure? ” And then makes a sing songy “OkaAAAaay” I am going to punch you, then eat my ice cream.

Jamie Lee Curtis narrates this show, which is based on the UK version.  From what I hear, the UK show is much more documentary like, and less “ting ting tong” with their music and editing.  The sarcasm evident in Jamie Lee’s voice whenever she says a woman doesn’t want the meds, or the woman is laboring her own way, is so uncalled for.  When one of the couples has their baby after 25 hours of labor, naturally, Jamie Lee says they survived their natural labor with such shock and sarcasm.  It was very reminiscent of the narrator on “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant” who, after these women had unassisted, natural births at home, who makes it sounds like it is a miracle the baby survived the drug free delivery.

If you are steadfast in your ideas about childbirth, go ahead and give the show a watch.  If you are pro-natural birth, you will want to shoot your TV.  Or, you can make it a drinking game and take a shot every time someone says “Epidural” or “Push.”

What saddens me is that every pregnancy and childbirth shows labor and delivery as a traumatic, excruciatingly painful, dangerous event that needs to be managed and monitored and controlled by the nurses and doctors.  The mainstream media rarely shows it for what it is: natural, instinctual, amazing, and beautiful. I watched these shows when I was pregnant with my first son and no doubt, they shaped my idea of childbirth.  That is what the general population is seeing, and that is why they are afraid of birth.

Lifetime wasn’t content scaring us to death with stories of unfaithful husbands, rape, and kidnapping, now they want to scare us away from childbirth too!  I think I will stick to the Will and Grace reruns.