After almost 4 years of parenting I have discovered the secret to getting a baby to sleep through the night: never go to bed yourself!

The longer I stay awake in anticipation of my son waking for the first time, usually between 11 PM and 12:30 AM, the longer he waits. If he hasn’t woken up by 12:30 I usually wait longer. Once I decide to give up, typically around 1 AM, he starts to cry as soon as my head hits the pillow.

Coincidence? I think not. More like a conspiracy to rob mothers of their sleep even when they are sleeping.

Damned if they do {sleep}, damned if they don’t {sleep}.

I read a book!  And because I read a book I feel the need to post about it since I deserve a pat on the back for making time to read said book with two young boys, running a small cloth diaper empire, and keeping up with Draw Something (just kidding, sort of).  The book is Beyond the Sling: A Real-Life Guide to Raising Confident, Loving Children the Attachment Parenting Way

Mayim Bialik has made a name for herself recently as a “spokesmom” for the Attachment Parenting way of life.  She is an actor and mother of two boys.  She is also the spokesperson for Holistic Moms Network and advocate for La Leche League.  Oh and she also holds a PhD in Neuroscience (which she mentions a few times in her book.  Sometimes ad nauseum but I guarantee you if I had a PhD in anything I’d find a way to drop that into every few sentences.)

I devoured Beyond the Sling in a span of three nights.  Each evening after the kids went to bed I started reading until my eyes crossed.  I was hesitant to read the book at all because frankly Mayim is on the “extreme” end of my parenting spectrum.  She is fully committed to living an AP lifestyle in every fashion.  I come in at a much more relaxed version of AP.  I identify with many aspects of the attachment parenting lifestyle but I have never read a book on the subject until now.  My own personal journey to “AP” started from my instinctual parenting style that happened to mimic the principles of AP.

The book is laid out in four sections: Part 1 is about Trusting Your Instincts.  Part 2 is about What Baby Needs.  Part 3 is about What Baby Doesn’t Need.  Part 4 is What Mommy Needs.

I won’t go over the entire book and explain where I agreed with Mayim and where I found myself on another page.  I will say I agreed with her more than I did not.  Mayim will tell you over and over that this is not a parenting manual.  She has a unique perspective (she does drop some knowledge on you about why an attachment parenting style works best- proven by neuroscience and how the brain of a child operates) and is very honest about her own life experience.  Many would say she is preaching from an unreachable mountain top because she is a celebrity and has behind the scenes help from a personal staff of chefs, nannies, and housekeepers.  On the contrary, it appears her finances are no better than many upper middle class families.  Her lifestyle is frugal by choice and necessity and she admits in the book to only having vacations when they are financed by speaking engagements.  If you were afraid to read the book for that reason alone then know she is coming from a place more like our own (except that she IS famous and DOES live in LA.)  She is promoting a style of parenting that is not mainstream and she obviously believes in this lifestyle.  Those who don’t might find her writing dismissive of other styles even though she often sneaks in a “and if you do, that’s ok.” for extra coverage.

Reading Beyond the Sling re-ignited the passion I have for sharing my experience here on the blog and elsewhere.  I have two amazing boys and I credit the work my husband and I do to cater to their needs appropriately and lovingly.  We don’t practice Cry it Out.  I feed my son when he asks (by signing since he is not yet verbal.)  I bounce my youngest son to sleep every single night because it is what works, what he likes, and it keeps us both happy (for now.)  I just want to share some of the most poignant parts of the book that made me nod my head in agreement and expound on them with examples from my own parenting journey thus far.

Society puts pressure on babies to develop much sooner than they should.  Babies are expected to speak early, sit early, roll over, and so on.  Yes, Yes, and Yes!  I recall as a first time mom how much value I placed on the milestones of my son.  He isn’t sitting up and 80% of babies his age are sitting by now.  He isn’t speaking and everyone else’s babies are talking, why isn’t he talking?  I spent a lot of energy on these issues.  One milestone “sleeping through the night” is one that Fletcher really hit “late.”  If I were to tell myself then one thing that I know now I would simply say “put away the baby books, leave your message-board for babies born that month so you can stop comparing every move, and parent to your instinct and not to the advice of others.”

Natural Birth isn’t a choice for women who want to be “martyrs.”  The act of giving birth naturally is amazing and one of the best experiences of my life.  I didn’t do it for a merit badge.  I did it because of the benefits for the baby and myself.  I did it because I realized how many problems arose because I didn’t do it the first time.  My baby was born too early (what I learned from my induction) and was a lazy nurser.  I had a terrible labor that I can hardly remember because I wasn’t present.  The differences between my two children are astounding and so was my own recovery period.  Natural birth (and the care from my midwives I received) most certainly had a positive effect on my second son and I, who was born at home.  The outlook by many that we choose natural birth so that we can brag is silly.  However it is something to be proud of and is the biggest adrenaline rush I have ever had.

Breastfeeding is easy, even when it’s hard.  Amen.  Mayim experienced many, many, many issues with breastfeeding.  I also fought to nurse my first son and relied on lactation consultants to get through.  I am so glad we beat those first few months of challenges because afterwards we had a smooth sailing breastfeeding relationship.  With my second son I still had problems. Had I not had a network of support I might have failed- it turned out that Everett was Tongue Tied and needed to be clipped in order to latch properly.  It is easy and natural and hard and complicated all at the same time.  But when it clicks you will have this gift like no other that never requires washing bottles (unless you are pumping part time or full time and for that you have my respect!) and never having to run to the store for more milk.

Babies want to be held (or worn.)  Mayim points out a fact that some parents don’t expect and others refuse to believe or give in to- babies love to be held.  I was also actually surprised that I had to be holding my first son every waking moment.  There were times when he would be asleep in my arms and any attempt at laying him down o moving was met with fierce cries.  So I sat.  And sat.  The luxury of baby number one.  I called my husband and begged him to come home because I was starving and couldn’t get up to get food.  Eventually I discovered babywearing and that opened up many doors (including those to the refrigerator while baby napped on my chest and I was hands free.)

Sleeping alone can be lonely.  For babies and for adults.  I was deathly afraid to sleep with my first son because co-sleeping had a very bad rap and still does.  Afraid I would kill my son I endured exhaustion like no other.  He woke 6-12 times a night to nurse and often I was up all night getting him latched, fed, and asleep.  One day I napped with him when hubby was home.  That translated to part time bed-sharing.  Then full time.  And then I was a co-sleeping parent.  The joy co-sleeping brought me with my first son was unexpected.  I loved waking to his baby smiles, baby kisses, baby cuddles.  I enjoyed sleeping “all night” even though I woke a few times to nurse him.  Is he scarred for life?  I don’t think so.  He sleeps full 10-12 hours nights in his own bed (read our jounrey to this point) and with no fighting.  If the argument is that c0-sleeping fosters bad sleep habits down the line I don’t see it.  He learned that his parents loves him, protected him, and would always be there for his needs.  I think these ideas made him a more independent child.  Crying it out, explained by Mayim in the book and many others in other literature, teaches children that their parents aren’t there for them when they need it.

Kids don’t understand the concept of sharing and Mayim doesn’t like forcing kids to share.  I learned something new from this book:  I also don’t like forcing kids to share.  My gut hated interfering in playdates and on playgrounds when my son grabbed a toy from another child or one was ripped away from him.  I felt very “helicopter” parent as I demanded he return an item or explained that the toy was taken from him so he should suck it up and share it.  Either way it felt like I was teaching my child his needs or wants were less important than the other children’s.  I am a total people pleaser, I bend at every request or acquiesce when really I don’t want to.  For weeks I’ve contemplated this and wondered if my methods in public settings regarding sharing were teaching my son the same.  Thankfully I read this book and the timely section on sharing.  How will I handle this touchy subject amongst other parents when my son refuses to share a toy he is really enjoying?  Well, Mayim has some ideas.  Will I always choose this route?  Probably not.  But I don’t want my sons growing up thinking they come last.  By setting the example in the home and with his brother I’m hoping both boys learn sharing when their brains best comprehend it.  Fletcher gets the concept for the most part but Ev is still a toddler and so this section applied more to him.

“Illogical consequences” and Gentle Discipline.  This section on gentle discipline both ignited my desire to master it and at the same time had me doubting the possibility of it entirely. I don’t spank at all or use any form or physical punishment.  We do practice “time-outs” which Mayim doesn’t feel fits GD.  The section that most inspired me was focused on “illogical consequences.”  I saw myself in the examples given- “If you don’t eat your dinner you can’t go outside and play” would be a sentence spoken recently by me to my son.  This technique works for me but I learned why and the reason left me wanting to change my tactics.  I’ve been doing really well with more “logical” consequences and I have noticed these still work.  It sometimes takes me a minute to figure out what the consequence is and so far some have been quite silly but this whole thing is still new to me.  In general I am hoping to continue working on being less like my own parents were (yelling, raising my voice, enacting frequent punishments that were sometimes cruel or excessive) and more kind, level headed, yet effective in my discipline.

I did roll my eyes a bit when Mayim had quite a bit to say about “bribery” for children when trying to get a good outcome.  I don’t like bribery but I use it.  Maybe more than I should.  I can’t think of a parent who hasn’t, especially in a pinch, offered a sweet treat or reward for good behavior.  I can see where she is coming from in her reasoning but I can’t remove that tool from my parenting arsenal, sorry Mayim!

Keeping your relationships strong.  I can’t say enough good things about this section.  Many aspects of AP look, to outsiders, as a sure fire way to lose your husband, family, and friends.  Sleep with your baby=never have sex again.  Breastfeed past 6 months= never go on a date or vacation/ lose your boobs and your husband’s interest in them.  Etc, etc.  I will be the first to admit (and so will most other moms) that many of the non mainstream parenting choices can make other relationships difficult to maintain.  But having children is bound to change your life and how you relate to your husband and friends regardless.  I always tell myself (and my husband when he complains- yes he has and does complain about some of my choices) that this period of our lives is so short and also so precious.  I get jealous when I miss some really amazing opportunities to go out but there will be more chances.  There are some pretty sound advice nuggets on how to recharge yourself and your relationships with others.

It seems as if I am now worshipping the ground Maim Bialik walks on.  I assure you I am not.  I did find a lot of comfort and inspiration in this book.  Most of my parenting desires and my style has been worked out as a second time mother but I would have loved this book as a first time mom when my instincts were in place but I didn’t have the knowledge or guts to follow it all.  Parents who are finding that they question the conventional parenting advice they receive, who doubt that leaving a baby in a crib alone to cry, who think feeding a baby when they are hungry is not spoiling them, who need to hear that they aren’t weird but are in fact doing a great service by listening to their instincts- these are people who should read Beyond the Sling.

To those wondering, I did not receive a free promotional copy of the book.  In fact I walked into a Barnes and Noble and paid $23.00 for the thing.  Had I known Amazon.com was so much cheaper (affiliate link) I would have ordered online.  Oh well!  You can benefit!  I’m “paying it forward” by sending my copy to a random winner.  Just use the form below.  Please only enter if you really want to read the book and plan to.

Read the full story

My son at 6:00 am this morning

I didn’t choose to be a co-sleeping parent, it chose me.  If my children would have slept in a crib I probably would have let them.  I would get even less sleep than I do even if they slept all night because I am constantly afraid any sleep time away from me means they are dead.  If my youngest son sleeps longer than an hour in his bed I start checking his breathing.

Co-sleeping is the right choice for my family.  My husband would be fine without it, but most husbands would.  I like to remind him, and myself, that our babies are only babies for a blink of eye in the grand scheme of our lives.  I want to soak up every minute of their baby time.  I’d love to bottle their baby essence and keep it on my night stand for the future times when I will need it.

For now, I still have a baby.  He won’t be one much longer, but he is still my baby.  We have co-slept since day one this time.  I gave birth to him in my bedroom and laid down with him in my bed for our first co-nap.  He sleeps in his bed for naps, and even spends some time in his bed for a few hours at night when we are lucky.  I know he won’t sleep there forever because I’ve already been down this road.  I didn’t ruin my first son for life by sharing a bed with him.  He is now a champion sleeper in his own bedder, and sleeper through the nighter.  He is even better and napping.

I practice Co-Sleeping safely.  My children have never once fallen out of the bed, or been smothered with a pillow.  I’ve certainly never woken to find myself sleeping next to a baby holding a cleaver.  

I make choices for my family based on facts and based on instinct.  The bad publicity co-sleeping gets lead me to believe it was equal to killing babies when I first had my son.  But my instincts, and his, took us down another path.  I will always hold our co-sleeping days together fondly in my heart.  When it ends for Everett and I will be sad, but accepting as we move to a new chapter.

The dangers of Co-Sleeping lie in misinformation, and lack of information.  If parents choose to share a bed with their child they should be aware of the risks and the benefits.  Scaring parents with ads like these doesn’t do any favors foranyone.

I am not a “controversial” blogger. In fact, when writing out my posts I am constantly asking myself “Will this offend someone?  Can this be taken the wrong way?” And so on.  Yet, just the topics I write about are controversial in themselves so I do get the upset mother commenting every once in a while.  I’ll admit it, it sucks.  I get a little sweaty just reading it.  Did I really just hurt someone’s feelings?!

I have been afraid to “push buttons” my entire life. When I have had confrontations in the past they never really went that well.  If a boss of mine was stepping all over me I let them.  The only time I ever stood up for myself was in high school.  I worked as a waitress at a steak house; the manager was a tool.  One day I found out from a friend that he was mocking me and my laugh (which is rather unique and it is a love it/hate it thing) and calling me names to the staff.  I was so upset but not sure what to do.  I stewed over my shift.  I wanted to walk out and tell him to kiss my ass.  So I did.  I calculated my totals and handed him the money for the day from my food sales and the tip share.  I let him know I had heard the things he said and I couldn’t work with him anymore.  As I stormed off, dirty black apron in hand, he shouted after me “You better have all my money!”  To which I replied, “Every last penny!”  I was shaking, sweating, and a little nauseous.  I was also only partially employed (I was working 2 jobs to support myself.) and nervous.  I told myself I never wanted to have that happen again.

Then in college I was the Customer Service Coordinator for TJ Maxx.  This was a stressful job, mainly because no one was preventing the theft of goods and the return fraud occurring many times a day, every day.  So, I took matters into my own hands.  I became a vigilante, upholding righteousness and truth.  I refused returns, I stalked the thieves and called them out on their crap.  It was exciting and got my blood boiling and my heart racing.  This was a different kind of confrontation.  I was fighting for morality.  It was black and white; stealing and fraud are bad, mmmk?  Don’t do it or I will catch you.  I had no problem telling a customer to their face that they are pulling crap, bye bye.  If I ever see you again I will catch you.

Blogging is different and the same. I can sit behind my computer and write about my passions; cloth diapering, breastfeeding, babywearing, homebirth and natural childbirth, co-sleeping, and so on.  It just so happens that a lot of these topics polarize the mommy community.  When you say breastfeeding is good, the formula feeding moms often hear “formula is bad.”  When you say natural childbirth was the best choice you made the mom who chose an epidural hears “Epidurals are wrong and bad for the baby.”  If I say “Disposable diapers are wasteful and toxic” I am interpreted as telling moms they are harming the earth and their baby.

Is that what I mean?  Of course not.  But by praising one topic the other gets put down.  It isn’t like I am equally supportive of disposable diapers but I just happen to be writing about cloth diapers; that simply doesn’t jive.

For the record, here is where I am coming from.

I had a homebirth and it was all natural.  I also had a hospital birth, induced with pitocin, and had an epidural.  I loved my homebirth experience, but the hospital experience made me who I am today.  I don’t look down on any woman for choosing pain medications.  In fact, I wish the US had the option for Nitrous Oxide, a pain relief method commonly used overseas including homebirths!  It is safer, it is fast, and can be administered off and on at will.  Having a natural birth doesn’t make you a better mom but it is something to be proud of (but not brag about, big difference.)

I also love breastfeeding and I think every mother should attempt it.  It is cliche, but that is what they are there for!  Boobs are many things; they are food for babies, nice to look at and play with for your significant other, and they make nice pillows.  It doesn’t have to be a one or the other thing.  If you choose to formula feed for that reason then maybe I do have something to say about it.  If you fell prey to the many booby traps in the world that came between you and your baby’s nursing relationship I am sorry.  Then there are the moms who had to for other reasons that are out of their control.  I don’t think you are a bad mom, you are feeding your baby.  In the end, that is the most important thing.  Babies need to eat and need to be loved.  In my world, that means breastfeeding and cuddling my baby.

Cloth diapers….. oh boy.  Cloth is my thing.  I love cloth diapers, if I didn’t I wouldn’t spend the considerable time and effort that I do maintaining this website.  I would like everyone to use cloth diapers for whom it is feasible.  Unlike some others, I know there is a time and a place for disposable diapers and hybrid inserts.  I have used them myself.  I have never tried to hide that fact.  When we have ammonia issues (far too often than I should but dammit I can’t get rid of it!) my toddler sleeps in a disposable.  *gasp* Yes he does.  If not, he wakes up with a gigantic burn.  I have been reduced to tears before at watching my son not want to sit in his bath because it hurt his privates.  Nothing stings more than knowing the choice you made to better the environment and protect your baby from chemicals back fired.

Other reasons cloth might not be for you: no washer/dryer access. I won’t lie to your face and tell you that I would hand wash diapers daily in order to use cloth.  Call me names, I don’t care!  Some of you have commented that you do just that, and that is cool.  It isn’t for me. Update! I decided to try handwashing and using flat cloth diapers for 7 days. I found it possible, not ideal. My journey can be found here: Flats Challenge

Discussing cloth diapers in a mommy forum (I have been trying to put into words a post on mom boards, one of these days I will post it) can conjure up some serious feelings.  Usually the disposable moms get sick of hearing about how awesome cloth diapers are.  I have seen the alienation of moms when a group of women get to chatting about fluff.  And then, if you say something bad about cloth, the fluffy moms can get nasty.

I’m not gonna rehash it, but I wrote about The Great Divide of Cloth Diapering and why maybe we should promote to the middle class and not say “well if you can’t afford disposable diapers, why don’t you use cloth?” to families who just can’t.

If a low income family does have the ability to wash cloth diapers, often times they are unaware that it is an option or cannot afford the start up cost.  A friend of mine is working on starting a local diaper loaning program for these families.  I’d love to see more reusable diaper banks on a local level!

You will never hear me say that your choice to ______ was wrong.  Advocacy, in my eyes, isn’t about black and white.  Stealing is wrong, but getting an epidural- that was your choice and you have the right to do so.  I’m just thankful there are so many options in life.  I know that many of you are here because you come here often, you “get” me and my ideas, you share many of my passions.  Then there are those of you who might have ended up here from following a link on Facebook or Twitter, or you googled something.  Maybe you are here to leave a comment on a different post telling me I should be ashamed of myself for not seeing the other side.  I do.  I might not agree with it, and it isn’t for me, but it is for someone.

Finally, one thing I have learned in the 2 years I’ve been a parent is this:

Never, ever, ever say “Never.”

I have eaten my words more than once when it comes to my parenting ideals and what happened.  ”My son will never watch _____” or “My son will only eat ______”  Guess what? He watches ____ and he eats a ton of ____.  Overall, things have gone my way but toddlers sure know how to manipulate their parents.

I remind myself of this every time I see another parent holding a bottle or giving their kid a sucker, turning on the TV, or putting them in their crib and receiving protests.  I don’t know where they are coming from or how they got to where they are and neither do you.

I will be linking this post again and again when I take to blogging about something that might “offend” others.  If you do read a controversial post here, it is a rare one!  They do seem to bring in the most traffic so I get why there are so many blogs dedicated to pissing people off, but that is not me! Still, when I see something that needs to be said in the name of promoting or defending my passions, I am sure as hell going to write about it!

image via flickr user Tony3 using the Creative Commons License

If you remember many months ago I was writing out my co-sleeping woes. I had a toddler who slept with me most of the night.  I was pregnant and needed space, plus I knew a new baby was going to be bedsharing with us so I wanted to get the toddler into his own bed.

We were able to do this successfully in a very gentle way. I slept next to my son’s bed on the floor for a week.  Eventually he stopped waking at night.  When he did, he came to our room and let me put him back in his bed.  It was a HUGE accomplishment.

He backslid towards the end of my pregnancy.  He wanted mama cuddles.  I’m sure he knew something big was up.  2 weeks after the baby was born we got things back to normal and he was napping and sleeping in his bed.

Well…. almost back to normal.  My well meaning husband started laying next to my son in his bed for him to fall asleep after I gave birth to Everett.  We used to sit in a chair in the room, but not lay with him.  Our hope was that we could start just laying him in his bed and say “Nite, Nite” then leave.  Having hubby lay with him really put us backwards.  Eventually I was going to use the “walking chair” method to ease him into falling asleep alone.

In December we drove to North Carolina to visit family.  Christmas Day I had bought tickets for my husband to watch a movie, a special gift to get him out of the house and give him some time alone.  Unfortunately, Fletcher stayed up later than usual and I was faced with a problem.  How to get him to sleep while Everett was awake.  Both kids needed me at the same time.  Everett was crying without me, even with my Mother-in-law, and Fletcher needed to be put to bed.

Steven laid him in bed and left for the movies but he was still awake.  My husband swore he thought he would fall asleep.  I laughed because he has never fallen asleep without one of us with him.  Then I had a lightbulb moment!

I started talking to Fletcher, from downstairs, through our Summer Sleek and Secure Video Monitor (which I reviewed for this site). I told him to go Nite Nites, go to sleep, that I loved him, etc.  He was talking to himself.  Then…….. silence. I heard the tell tale deep breathing.  He was asleep.  I was in another room, downstairs even.  It was truly a Christmas Miracle!

We tried again the next night.  It worked.  The following night we tried again and it didn’t work.  Eventually we stopped trying at home because he was sick and I felt better cuddling with him before bed.

A few weeks ago my husband informed me he had to go out of town, twice, in February.  Cue Mommy Freak out.  I had no idea what I was going to do at bedtime.  Naps are hard enough here but I manage.  I still have to lay with Fletcher so Everett has to be happy or asleep.  That can be hard to make happen around nap time for Fletcher.

2 weeks ago I decided to give the monitor another shot.  I put Fletcher in his bed after reading a few books.  I laid him down, tucked him in, handed him his Robot, and told him to take a nap.  I left the room and he started yelling for Mommy.  Quickly, I pushed the button to talk to him.  “Mommy is in the other room taking care of the baby.  Put your head on your pillow, close your eyes, and take a nap.”  ”OK” he said.

He talked to himself.  Then called out for me again. “I love you, take a nap.  We will play when you wake up.”  ”Yeah!” He chattered a minute.  Then fell asleep.  He never even tried to get out of bed.

That night I did the same thing.  This time we turned on his Twilight Turtle (godsend because he wants to lay in bed to look at the stars on his ceiling.  He loves it!) and tucked him in.  Lots of kisses, love you’s, goodnights.  Then I left.

As expected he asked for us.  No crying though.  My husband took the monitor and told him “Count the stars on the ceiling.  Go to sleep.  Goodnight.” Then we hear “boo, bah, boo, pour, figh….” It wasn’t long and he was asleep.  Celebrations occurred in the living room!

Every day since I have successfully used this technique. It is to the point that I don’t even have to use the monitor often, if at all.  I still like him to know I didn’t just leave him.  But he doesn’t need it anymore.

I feel like we are at the stage where he is a true independent sleeper.  We have gone through the tiniest baby steps to get here.  Co-sleeping, to part time co-sleeping, to night weaning which lead to the end of co-sleeping, then laying with him for sleep, to a simple “Good night.”  A part of me is dying a little inside knowing how fast he is growing up.  I marvel at him every day and the little boy things he does.  When I tell him something, he understands.  That is why this method works.  He knows we are right next door.  He knows his brother needs Mommy for milkies so I can’t stay in his room.

While he is sick I still lay with him if he needs me.  I am happy to do it.  Knowing I avoided having a huge dilemma while my husband is gone is a huge weight off of my shoulders.  I am so proud of my Fletcher-man.  I am also so proud of my husband and I for doing the best for him, even when his sleep habits had us in tears.

Just to give you an idea of the benefits of learning to fall asleep on your own, before this I rocked him to sleep or laid next to him in his bed for every nap.  He would go down for a nap anywhere from 11:30-3:30.  He would sleep 1-3 hours, but usually around 2 hours.  At night he needed someone laying next to him.  His bedtime was usually 9:30-10:30.  We waited until he was tired, otherwise he would fight sleep and we would be in his room for an hour or more.  He would wake around 7:30-8:30.

Now, he naps almost every day at 12:00 -12:30.  He doesn’t have to look tired.  I put him in whether he is playing and happy or already drowsy.  His naps are almost always over 2 hours, one day he took a 4 hour nap!  No matter how long his nap, he gets put in bed around 8:30, sometimes even 8!  And he wakes for the day at 7:30.  I get no real protests, and he has even asked or agreed to nap or go to bed. How is that for most improved sleeper of the year?!

Maybe this method will work for some of you in the same situation.  I used the Summer Infant Sleek and Secure Handheld Color Video Monitor (Amazon Affiliate link) I received to review. If anyone knows of a cheaper alternative, maybe just a regular, non video monitor that you can talk through, please let us know in the comments.  I didn’t have a lot of luck with that.

Have your babies always fallen asleep alone?  If not, how did you make the transition?

This review and giveaway is part of the New Baby Event Part 2.

The idea of using a hammock never crossed my mind until my first son was 8 months old or so.  A friend of mine had a baby the same age and she slept through the night and took naps all in her hammock. While I (nor anyone else) can say it was the hammock for sure that made for such great sleeping habits, I thought I would try it with this next baby.  My first son just started sleeping all night and he is almost two.  Even now he wakes up one time a night every so often.  It has been exhausting.

After my husband agreed a hammock was the way to go I set about researching.  There are a few choices on the market. (I have a hammock comparison list.) Luckily, when I was at a children’s expo over a year ago I discovered a brand called Hushamok. The hammock was beautiful.  The stand was stylish.  The hammock itself was organic.  There was even the option to buy a seat to use when the baby was awake.  I decided after looking over all of my options that this was my hammock.  I bought one while pregnant.

Why Hushamok?

From their website:

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS)

While a complete medical cause of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) remains unknown, pediatricians agree that infants should sleep on their backs to prevent SIDS. Hushamok creates a restful and nurturing sleep environment for newborn sleep and beyond.

Flat Head Syndrome (Plagiocephaly)

Hushamok baby hammock is designed to conform to baby’s heads, which helps prevent flat head syndrome.

Positional plagiocephaly or ‘flathead syndrome’ can occur when a baby’s head develops a flat spot. This occurs when babies spend a considerable amount of time with their head resting in the same position. In the early ’90s, parents have been told to put their babies to sleep on their back to reduce the risk of SIDs. Since then experts have also noted a fivefold increase in the incidence of misshapen heads.

Babies are born with soft, pliable skulls, so when they rest in the same position on a regular basis, their head can develop a flat spot where it presses against a mattress as found in nursery furniture such as cribs and baby bassinets.

Infant Acid Reflux

To prevent acid reflux in infants, pediatricians recommend keeping baby’s head slightly elevated. Without the use of potentially harmful pillows or other objects Hushamok baby hammock designs provide an elevation that will reduce the symptoms of acid reflux.

Restless Sleepers

William Sears (M.D), Robert Sears (M.D.), James Sears (M.D.) and Martha Sears (R.N.) recommend the natural swinging, rocking and bouncing motion of a baby hammock to induce sleep2. Hushamok’s unique design also helps ease symptoms of colic, which often interrupts newborn sleep cycles. Unlike adults, babies are triggered to sleep by motion; as many mothers notice during pregnancy when baby is asleep during the day and awake at night.

What about safety?

One of the things I wanted to be sure of was that my choice was a safe sleeping environment for my baby.  I also co-sleep, which when done correctly is very safe.  I like having my baby close by the bed or in my arms.  At first glance, a hammock seems unsafe simply because it moves around.

First of all, the Hushamok has passed the safety tests of the JPMA (Juvenile Products Manufacturers Association).  The hammock should only be used until a baby begins rolling or sitting.  This coincides with a baby or 4-6 months.  Since the hammock easily rocks and sways this is pretty logical.  The way the stand and hammock are made makes for a very stable base.  Anyone who has heard of the Amby Hammock recall knows there were a couple of incidences of babies suffocating after they rolled in their hammocks.  It seems the hammock was set up incorrectly.

The Hushamok sets up very easy thanks to their easy (and fool proof) to put together stand.  I have the Aluminum stand.  There are 4 pieces which notch together.  There is no other way to put them together.  The wide base gives the hammock stability.

The hammock itself is on a leaf spring.  This is basically a long arc of a flexible but hard plastic.  A pin is in this spring, and the pin attaches to the stand in a way that makes it impossible for it to come out unless being taken off on purpose.  The hammock material is organic cotton.  There is a mattress that is poly filled.  I prefer this mattress because it has cushion, but not enough for the baby to be in danger or suffocating.  It is also breathable and “molds” so it would be harder for the baby to move left or right.

For more about the safety of the Hushamok you can visit their page.

Truly, the main reason I chose the Hushamok was for the beauty of it!  I could stare at it all day.  I swore before kids that the junky plastic toys and tacky swings with crazy accessories would never enter my house.  Guess what?  They did.  But this hammock makes me happy because it is a functional piece of art for my baby to sleep in.  If I had the money I would have upgraded to to Okoa stand.  Still, the aluminum stand is still beautiful, and in its own way since a brushed aluminum has a modern and sleek look to it.

Since the baby has arrived the Hushamok has been wonderful for naps time and early nights.  I do still co-sleep the majority of the night because secretly I love it, but practically, he wakes to nurse often and we both get more sleep this way.  During the day when it is time for a nap I take my sleeping baby and lay him in the hammock.  If he wakes early and I know he still needs/wants to sleep, I gently bounce the hammock (since it is on a spring this is very easy to do) and he falls back asleep.  This can also easily be done from the bed since the hammock is directly next to my bed.  If I have gone to bed while he was sleeping in the hammock and he wakes, I can lift him right from my bed to get him and nurse him.

One trick I have found is that if I lay a heating pad inside the hammock before I know I am putting him in for a nap or bed (and remove it of course) it makes it easier for him to lay down.  There are times I try laying him in and he wakes, and part of this is that the mattress is cold and he was used to laying on me.  Having the mattress warmed up keeps him happy.

The hammock also comes with a travel bag.  The stand can be disassembled and the whole things fits into the bag.  This is a nice feature for traveling families to keep a consistent sleep environment for their baby without taking up too much space.  The bag is around the same size of a pack and play folded up, maybe smaller.

I will admit that he doesn’t always want to sleep in the hammock, but he also doesn’t always want to sleep on me, or his Mamaroo.  It is just a baby thing!  I am still thrilled with the long naps he has taken in it so far and how pretty it is to look at!  I know I would want to sleep in it if I could.

There will be another Hushamok review in a few months of the MySeat, which is a harness seat that can be used as a gentle place to put your younger baby, all the way to a super cozy place for your young child to read a book.

Hushamok has offered to give one lucky DDL Reader a Hushamok Hammock.

*** please note this giveaway is for the hammock itself, it does not include the stand.  The hammock can be hung from the ceiling.

Mandatory Entry:

(1 entry) Visit Hushamok.com and let me know another fact you learned from their webpage. Leave it as a comment.

For extra entries do any or all of the following.  Leave a comment for each you do.

(1 entry) Follow @KimRosas on twitter and tweet this giveaway. Please tweet, “Your baby can have sweet dreams in the @hushamok baby hammock.  Enter to win from @KimRosas. http://b6net.th8.us Ends Nov 30.” Leave a comment with a link to your status.

You can tweet once a day for the duration of the contest. Leave a comment with your status for each tweet. 1 entry per day.

(1 Entry)  Follow @hushamok on Twitter. Leave a comment.

(1 entry) Subscribe to my blog via email through feedburner. Leave a comment.

(1 entry) Follow me through Google Friend Connect or via a reader. Leave a comment.

(1 entry) Grab my button and post it on your blog. Leave a comment.

(2 entries) Blog about this giveaway and link to it. Post a link in the comment.

(2 entries) Get Creative: Post about this giveaway on a messageboard or forum. Leave a comment with a link.

(1 Entry) Click “Share this” and share this giveaway on your Facebook page. Leave a comment.

(1 Entry) “Like” Hushamok on Facebook. Leave a comment.

(1 Entry) “Like” Dirty Diaper Laundry on Facebook.  Leave a comment.

(1 Entry) Go to Dirty Diaper Laundry on Facebook and start a discussion or reply to a discussion.  Tell me what you did. Just leave your comment

(1 Entry) Subscribe to my YouTube Channel. Leave a comment.

The hammock was purchased by me for review.  No compensation was received for my review and all opinions are 100% my own and genuine.  Giveaway ends on November 30. Winner will be chosen using random.org. If the winner does not respond within 48 hours a new winner will be drawn. *Open to US and Canada*

With only 2 bedrooms in our house, we had to decide how we wanted to handle having another baby.  He is obviously too young to share a room with his brother, and besides that, we co-sleep at least part time.

The main concern was: where will I change the baby’s diaper in the middle of the night?  I didn’t want to use our bed, or the floor.  I considered moving my son’s changing table into our room and buying a dresser/changing table combo for his room.  But then genius struck!  I realized I could attach a changing pad to my vanity if I removed the mirror.  I found the perfect one, which strapped around the table.  Then my husband bought drawers for underneath to store our diapers and the baby’s clothing.

This was worked beautifully for the short term.  Once the baby is a little larger and more mobile it won’t be as safe.  Hopefully by then we won’t need to change him at night anyway.  Wishful thinking, right?

A few weeks ago I wrote about the trouble I was having getting my son to sleep the entire night in his toddler bed-“How to end Co-sleeping. Advice Needed!!!.” I WAS PLEADING FOR ADVICE!  Thankfully, tons of people (well, tons for me!) commented on my dilemma with lots of useful advice.

Many of you suggested the Supernanny tactic- this involves leading the child back to their bed and saying goodnight, and as they continue to come out of their room, you keep escorting them back over and over until they get the picture.

Others said I should put him bed in our room until he got used to sleeping in it all night, then move it back to his room.

Then there were lots of other ideas, these are just the ones I saw most frequently.

I was already sleeping in his room to get him used to sleeping in his bed all night when I posted.  This worked well, although once I started sleeping in my own room again (I slept in his room for 5 nights and he reduced his wakings and also submitted to staying in his bed, something he previously refused) and he continued to wake up once a night.

Whenever he would wake up, most nights he would not cry, but walk into our bedroom.  He wanted me to walk him back to his bed!  I did, and would sit next to him while he fell asleep.

We have tried to make this a gradual transition for him. I used to rock him to sleep and lay him in bed.  Then, I began rocking him but not letting him fall asleep.  I laid him in bed and he would make me lay next to him until he fell asleep.  I started sitting next to him rather than laying, which was a hard jump for him.  He wanted to be cuddled while he was falling asleep.  After a few nights of crying he let me begin sitting next to him.  Also, I did try the Supernanny techinique and it worked one night!  However, the next night he was so upset I sat next to him after many times of him walking out and crying.  This basically allowed me to just sit next to him.  He figured it was either let me sit next to him, or have him cry and have no Mommy at all.  He made a wise choice.

Now, I have moved from sitting next to him on the bed to sitting on the ottoman a few feet away.  We still start out in the glider.   We read a ton of books, we rock and he puts his head on my chest (and if I am wearing a high necked shirt he pulls it down so he is skin to skin!).  I sing to him and then tell him I am laying him in bed.  He then grabs his monkey which he always shoves next to me in the glider, and sits up.  I carry him to bed, he rolls over on his tummy and cuddles his monkey, I cover him up, and sit on the ottoman while he falls asleep.  He will look over to make sure I am there until he falls asleep.

My next move will be to slide my seat farther from his bed, and farther still, until I am out of the door.  This is based on a famous sleep training method that I don’t know the name of!  I don’t think this would have worked a few months ago in our case, but he is old enough for it now.

Most nights he sleeps the entire night, others he wakes up once.  He easily falls back asleep as long as I put him back in bed.

This is a vast improvement to him waking at 12 from his bed to come to ours.  It has been a very long, long road to get his sleeping habits to a place where we are all relatively happy.  Daddy can even put him to bed now, something that was impossible before.  I am feeling very good about where we are at and the progress he will make.  I believe I can get him falling asleep on his own before the baby gets here.  I am also hoping he decides to sleep all night every night, but even a few nights a week is more than I was getting just a few months ago.

The sad thing is, we haven’t napped or slept together in a couple of weeks.  At first, he would come to bed for an extra 2 hours or so with us in the morning.  And occasionally I would nap with him for some snuggle time.  Now he won’t do either.  This has also made him wake up 2-3 hours earlier than normal.  It is for the best since the baby will be here very soon, but I miss my extra cuddle time so much.

I hope this method will help others who are working on transitioning their toddlers to a bed or crib from co-sleeping.  This has taken months, just like our weaning process, to keep him happy and to minimize trauma.  Thanks to everyone who had advice or just words of commiseration.  I truly appreciate it!

Bed-sharing, co-sleeping, the Family Bed, call it what you will.  My family co-sleeps on a part-time basis.  My son is put to sleep in his crib.  He usually wakes up at 4 am to nurse.  I take him from his crib and into my bed.  He curls up next to me and nurses, and we fall asleep together.  It is the best of both worlds: nursing and cuddling.  

But, OMG you are going to smother your baby!!!  No, I’m not.  My son has his own blanket (swaddled) and I keep my own blankets below him.  My knees are instinctively positioned under him, preventing him from scooting under covers.  He sleeps on my arm, which stays around him preventing him from rolling off the bed.  I am also a very light sleeper.  

When Fletcher was born my in-laws made me very afraid of co-sleeping.  I remember when he was a few days old, out of desperation and exhaustion I nursed him in bed and slept with him next to me.  He wouldn’t stop crying and I just couldn’t find anything that worked besides cuddling.  I mentioned it at the dinner table and the response was, “Oh, I did everything I could not to fall asleep with my kids.  That is dangerous.  You should never, ever do that again, no matter how tired you are.”  Wah wah.  So, for many weeks I would wake up every few hours, take my son into the living room where I could comfortably nurse with my nursing pillow, then after an hour of him nursing (this is when we had troubles and I had to use a shield), I would try to get him into his cradle without him waking.  If he woke up, I could be up for quite some time.  

It was probably two months before I started co-sleeping.  The first time was a nap.  We were both tired.  I decided to give the side lying nursing position another shot.  Previously, I had no success at it.  This time, it worked.  I laid on the bed, Fletcher nursed, and we both fell asleep.  What an awesome feeling.  I got to nap and so did he.  I cannot describe how sleep deprived I was up until this point.  The old adage, “Sleep when the baby sleeps” never worked because he only wanted to nap in my arms.  And at night I was still nursing 4-6 times while having to stay awake.  

That week, every time my son would wake up from his cradle, I would take him into my bed, into my arms, and nurse him into a peaceful slumber.  From that point on I felt like a new woman.  Why had I let other people’s opinions matter so much to me?  Had I been doing this from the beginning I would have completely enjoyed my son, instead of resenting the fact that I had to wake up and nurse him all night.

To people who think co-sleeping can contribute to SIDS, please read this amazing article- Why Nighttime Breastfeeding and Bedsharing Is So Important- that is well researched and beautifully written.  The arguments for co-sleeping make so much sense to me.  I can’t think of a better way to wake up than seeing my son smiling and cuddled in my arms.