Everett has been breastfeeding for 18 months and 6 days. My first son Fletcher weaned at 18 months and 5 days old. I can still vividly remember the moment I realized he would never nurse again. We were rocking together in the glider and each night I would nurse him while doing so to get him to fall asleep. That night he didn’t need to nurse to fall asleep and he never did again. I shed a few tears as an important chapter of our lives came to a close.
Today means I have been nursing Everett one day longer than his brother did and weaning seems like a faraway concept and there are no plans in place. He is still my baby! I still wear him in my ring sling, I still nurse him many times a day and night, he still sleeps in my bed, and he even still looks like a baby to me! When Fletcher was this age he seemed so much older. I believe part of this is because he had quite a bit more hair and part was that he was my first and I wanted him to be “older” because his little brother would be earthside soon.
With no plans for another baby I want to keep Everett mine as long as I can. I don’t know how long we will nurse but I don’t think it will be initiated by me. We both find a great deal of comfort in our nursing sessions and he is easily soothed when a boo-boo happens or his brother hurts his feelings.
We’ve beaten tongue-tie, work trips away, new teeth, and even the dangers of toddlerdom (ya know, crazy acrobatics at the breast, ninja kicks, fun stuff like that) to make it this far.
I’ve put together a gallery of my favorite photos from our nursing adventure so far starting with a photo from his first latch all the way up to yesterday. (I did the same for Fletcher to celebrate our 1 year milestone) You might see a boob (or two)- be warned.
Mayim Bialik has made a name for herself recently as a “spokesmom” for the Attachment Parenting way of life. She is an actor and mother of two boys. She is also the spokesperson for Holistic Moms Network and advocate for La Leche League. Oh and she also holds a PhD in Neuroscience (which she mentions a few times in her book. Sometimes ad nauseum but I guarantee you if I had a PhD in anything I’d find a way to drop that into every few sentences.)
I devoured Beyond the Sling in a span of three nights. Each evening after the kids went to bed I started reading until my eyes crossed. I was hesitant to read the book at all because frankly Mayim is on the “extreme” end of my parenting spectrum. She is fully committed to living an AP lifestyle in every fashion. I come in at a much more relaxed version of AP. I identify with many aspects of the attachment parenting lifestyle but I have never read a book on the subject until now. My own personal journey to “AP” started from my instinctual parenting style that happened to mimic the principles of AP.
The book is laid out in four sections: Part 1 is about Trusting Your Instincts. Part 2 is about What Baby Needs. Part 3 is about What Baby Doesn’t Need. Part 4 is What Mommy Needs.
I won’t go over the entire book and explain where I agreed with Mayim and where I found myself on another page. I will say I agreed with her more than I did not. Mayim will tell you over and over that this is not a parenting manual. She has a unique perspective (she does drop some knowledge on you about why an attachment parenting style works best- proven by neuroscience and how the brain of a child operates) and is very honest about her own life experience. Many would say she is preaching from an unreachable mountain top because she is a celebrity and has behind the scenes help from a personal staff of chefs, nannies, and housekeepers. On the contrary, it appears her finances are no better than many upper middle class families. Her lifestyle is frugal by choice and necessity and she admits in the book to only having vacations when they are financed by speaking engagements. If you were afraid to read the book for that reason alone then know she is coming from a place more like our own (except that she IS famous and DOES live in LA.) She is promoting a style of parenting that is not mainstream and she obviously believes in this lifestyle. Those who don’t might find her writing dismissive of other styles even though she often sneaks in a “and if you do, that’s ok.” for extra coverage.
Reading Beyond the Sling re-ignited the passion I have for sharing my experience here on the blog and elsewhere. I have two amazing boys and I credit the work my husband and I do to cater to their needs appropriately and lovingly. We don’t practice Cry it Out. I feed my son when he asks (by signing since he is not yet verbal.) I bounce my youngest son to sleep every single night because it is what works, what he likes, and it keeps us both happy (for now.) I just want to share some of the most poignant parts of the book that made me nod my head in agreement and expound on them with examples from my own parenting journey thus far.
Society puts pressure on babies to develop much sooner than they should. Babies are expected to speak early, sit early, roll over, and so on. Yes, Yes, and Yes! I recall as a first time mom how much value I placed on the milestones of my son. He isn’t sitting up and 80% of babies his age are sitting by now. He isn’t speaking and everyone else’s babies are talking, why isn’t he talking? I spent a lot of energy on these issues. One milestone “sleeping through the night” is one that Fletcher really hit “late.” If I were to tell myself then one thing that I know now I would simply say “put away the baby books, leave your message-board for babies born that month so you can stop comparing every move, and parent to your instinct and not to the advice of others.”
Natural Birth isn’t a choice for women who want to be “martyrs.” The act of giving birth naturally is amazing and one of the best experiences of my life. I didn’t do it for a merit badge. I did it because of the benefits for the baby and myself. I did it because I realized how many problems arose because I didn’t do it the first time. My baby was born too early (what I learned from my induction) and was a lazy nurser. I had a terrible labor that I can hardly remember because I wasn’t present. The differences between my two children are astounding and so was my own recovery period. Natural birth (and the care from my midwives I received) most certainly had a positive effect on my second son and I, who was born at home. The outlook by many that we choose natural birth so that we can brag is silly. However it is something to be proud of and is the biggest adrenaline rush I have ever had.
Breastfeeding is easy, even when it’s hard. Amen. Mayim experienced many, many, many issues with breastfeeding. I also fought to nurse my first son and relied on lactation consultants to get through. I am so glad we beat those first few months of challenges because afterwards we had a smooth sailing breastfeeding relationship. With my second son I still had problems. Had I not had a network of support I might have failed- it turned out that Everett was Tongue Tied and needed to be clipped in order to latch properly. It is easy and natural and hard and complicated all at the same time. But when it clicks you will have this gift like no other that never requires washing bottles (unless you are pumping part time or full time and for that you have my respect!) and never having to run to the store for more milk.
Babies want to be held (or worn.) Mayim points out a fact that some parents don’t expect and others refuse to believe or give in to- babies love to be held. I was also actually surprised that I had to be holding my first son every waking moment. There were times when he would be asleep in my arms and any attempt at laying him down o moving was met with fierce cries. So I sat. And sat. The luxury of baby number one. I called my husband and begged him to come home because I was starving and couldn’t get up to get food. Eventually I discovered babywearing and that opened up many doors (including those to the refrigerator while baby napped on my chest and I was hands free.)
Sleeping alone can be lonely. For babies and for adults. I was deathly afraid to sleep with my first son because co-sleeping had a very bad rap and still does. Afraid I would kill my son I endured exhaustion like no other. He woke 6-12 times a night to nurse and often I was up all night getting him latched, fed, and asleep. One day I napped with him when hubby was home. That translated to part time bed-sharing. Then full time. And then I was a co-sleeping parent. The joy co-sleeping brought me with my first son was unexpected. I loved waking to his baby smiles, baby kisses, baby cuddles. I enjoyed sleeping “all night” even though I woke a few times to nurse him. Is he scarred for life? I don’t think so. He sleeps full 10-12 hours nights in his own bed (read our jounrey to this point) and with no fighting. If the argument is that c0-sleeping fosters bad sleep habits down the line I don’t see it. He learned that his parents loves him, protected him, and would always be there for his needs. I think these ideas made him a more independent child. Crying it out, explained by Mayim in the book and many others in other literature, teaches children that their parents aren’t there for them when they need it.
Kids don’t understand the concept of sharing and Mayim doesn’t like forcing kids to share. I learned something new from this book: I also don’t like forcing kids to share. My gut hated interfering in playdates and on playgrounds when my son grabbed a toy from another child or one was ripped away from him. I felt very “helicopter” parent as I demanded he return an item or explained that the toy was taken from him so he should suck it up and share it. Either way it felt like I was teaching my child his needs or wants were less important than the other children’s. I am a total people pleaser, I bend at every request or acquiesce when really I don’t want to. For weeks I’ve contemplated this and wondered if my methods in public settings regarding sharing were teaching my son the same. Thankfully I read this book and the timely section on sharing. How will I handle this touchy subject amongst other parents when my son refuses to share a toy he is really enjoying? Well, Mayim has some ideas. Will I always choose this route? Probably not. But I don’t want my sons growing up thinking they come last. By setting the example in the home and with his brother I’m hoping both boys learn sharing when their brains best comprehend it. Fletcher gets the concept for the most part but Ev is still a toddler and so this section applied more to him.
“Illogical consequences” and Gentle Discipline. This section on gentle discipline both ignited my desire to master it and at the same time had me doubting the possibility of it entirely. I don’t spank at all or use any form or physical punishment. We do practice “time-outs” which Mayim doesn’t feel fits GD. The section that most inspired me was focused on “illogical consequences.” I saw myself in the examples given- “If you don’t eat your dinner you can’t go outside and play” would be a sentence spoken recently by me to my son. This technique works for me but I learned why and the reason left me wanting to change my tactics. I’ve been doing really well with more “logical” consequences and I have noticed these still work. It sometimes takes me a minute to figure out what the consequence is and so far some have been quite silly but this whole thing is still new to me. In general I am hoping to continue working on being less like my own parents were (yelling, raising my voice, enacting frequent punishments that were sometimes cruel or excessive) and more kind, level headed, yet effective in my discipline.
I did roll my eyes a bit when Mayim had quite a bit to say about “bribery” for children when trying to get a good outcome. I don’t like bribery but I use it. Maybe more than I should. I can’t think of a parent who hasn’t, especially in a pinch, offered a sweet treat or reward for good behavior. I can see where she is coming from in her reasoning but I can’t remove that tool from my parenting arsenal, sorry Mayim!
Keeping your relationships strong. I can’t say enough good things about this section. Many aspects of AP look, to outsiders, as a sure fire way to lose your husband, family, and friends. Sleep with your baby=never have sex again. Breastfeed past 6 months= never go on a date or vacation/ lose your boobs and your husband’s interest in them. Etc, etc. I will be the first to admit (and so will most other moms) that many of the non mainstream parenting choices can make other relationships difficult to maintain. But having children is bound to change your life and how you relate to your husband and friends regardless. I always tell myself (and my husband when he complains- yes he has and does complain about some of my choices) that this period of our lives is so short and also so precious. I get jealous when I miss some really amazing opportunities to go out but there will be more chances. There are some pretty sound advice nuggets on how to recharge yourself and your relationships with others.
It seems as if I am now worshipping the ground Maim Bialik walks on. I assure you I am not. I did find a lot of comfort and inspiration in this book. Most of my parenting desires and my style has been worked out as a second time mother but I would have loved this book as a first time mom when my instincts were in place but I didn’t have the knowledge or guts to follow it all. Parents who are finding that they question the conventional parenting advice they receive, who doubt that leaving a baby in a crib alone to cry, who think feeding a baby when they are hungry is not spoiling them, who need to hear that they aren’t weird but are in fact doing a great service by listening to their instincts- these are people who should read Beyond the Sling.
To those wondering, I did not receive a free promotional copy of the book. In fact I walked into a Barnes and Noble and paid $23.00 for the thing. Had I known Amazon.com was so much cheaper (affiliate link) I would have ordered online. Oh well! You can benefit! I’m “paying it forward” by sending my copy to a random winner. Just use the form below. Please only enter if you really want to read the book and plan to.
I’ve been learning how to shoot in Manual Mode on my Nikon D80 for the past 2 weeks in earnest (inspired by Jill from Baby Rabies). After shooting a few photos of my guy I laid the camera down on the bed and he signed for milk. I crawled in bed with him and cuddled up for a nursing session. With the camera within reach I grabbed it and took this shot. Thankfully the settings worked fairly well since we were in the same lighting as before. I’m sure I’ll cherish this photo forever as a lasting reminder of the 16+ months we have been in a nursing relationship. Everett is 16.5 months and not even close to weaning. I’m OK with that.
This post about about menstruation. You have been warned.
I haven’t had a period in almost 100 weeks. That is about 24 months or 2 years. Everett is 14 months old and I was pregnant for 41.5 weeks. Before that I had 2 cycles and went 1 year and 5 days without a period while breastfeeding Fletcher plus the 38 weeks while I was pregnant. 200 weeks without a period from the past 4 years. I’m not complaining, I think that is pretty awesome and that I’m lucky. Breastfeeding works to keep menstruation at bay for me but it doesn’t for everyone.
But. (Yes, there is a but.) I’m reaching the stage of paranoia. Every twinge of the abdomen, every uncomfortable feeling, every back ache makes me run to the bathroom expecting to see red. Usually I chant to myself while pulling down my pants “please no red, please no red, please no red” and sigh with relief when I see none.
I would happily breastfeed for another year or more if it came with a guarantee of a life without periods. In fact, I am one handed typing this while breastfeeding my 14 month old and bouncing him to sleep on my yoga ball. I haz talent. One reason I’m sure my period hasn’t returned is that we are still nursing on demand 24/7. I don’t keep track but I would guess that Everett nurses 4-12 times a day and 2-4 times at night.
Once my lovely lady returns I will be attempting to use the Diva Cup. After starting to use cloth diapers on Fletcher I learned about the wonderful world of reusable menstrual products. There are cloth options for Moms (called Mama Cloth) and those come in a variety of absorbency levels (just like disposable Maxi Pads) and even panty liners. Because I was a tampon girl before learning about a reusable feminine care I will be giving the reusable menstrual cup a go.
My opinion on the Diva Cup went from the initial “Ewww” to the curious “How do you get it IN there, won’t you have to put your hands in that thing….” to “OK, I’m intrigued, tell me more” to the research phase and the “Hmmm… that is kinda cool.” and finally to the “I’m gonna buy one. This is better than disposable tampons and will save money and waste.”
Unlike my environmental drive to use cloth diapers the deciding factor to use a Diva Cup was really based on what using chemical and paper products INSIDE my body was doing to it. I have yet to actually go out and purchase a Diva Cup because I am trying not to tempt fate. Part of me would like to be prepared and the other is too superstitious. If I have one SHE will finally come back.
If I had the sanity for it I am pretty sure I would just keep getting pregnant and breastfeeding. That is how much I hate periods.
The longer I nurse the more I start longing for the days of wearing beautiful, lacy, SEXY bras again. I know part of this is tied to wanting to feel sexy again, and part is getting over the hump of the after pregnancy/birth lack of *ahem* desire for certain things. Once that desire is back I would like to start looking more desirable and less “sweatpants.”
Usually nursing and sexy bras don’t go together. There are many brands offering cozy and comfortable nursing bras. I should know, I own many of them and wear them on a daily basis. However, when I get all dressed up I would like to have a bra that matches that feeling. Something sexy, lacy, feminine, and that still gives me access to nurse my baby.
Enter the Cake Lingerie line of nursing bras. Out of the “sexy” brands now offered for nursing bras I feel this brand is the sexiest! I was fortunate enough to get to see their line in person at ABC Kids Expo. These bras are made better and designed better than the bras I wore before having kids.
Cake Lingerie does make the popular nursing bra option of the “smooth cup” for under T-Shirts, and more day to day wear bras. For my review I was able to try one of the bras in their Fashion line. I was sent Coconut Ice (Plunge). This bra has a lot of details- lace all the way around, pretty pink and black striped fabric on the bust, decorative straps, a oretty black bow in the center, and a multitude of settings on the back for the ever changing pregnant and nursing figure.
After doing some playing around with the straps and adjusting it to my size, I was happy to find a different kind of silhouette than my every day nursing bras achieved. It wasn’t something I would wear under my everyday tight T-Shirts, but would look pretty awesome under my nice dresses. It was more of a “bombshell” shape.
It was a challenge for me to decide on a size. The company uses a different sizing system and I was torn as to what would fit best. After some translating from the European sizes and talking with Ashleigh from Cake Lingerie, I decided on a 32 D and it was a bit too big in the cup. I used some padded inserts from a bikini I had laying around in order to test the shape better. In most other brands from the US I am usually a 32 D- 32 DD.
I loved everything about the bra when it came to the shape, the appearance, the quality, and the attention to details. The only thing was that my skin didn’t like the lace! Insert sad face here. I just couldn’t wear this bra all day. By the late afternoon I was one of those women who walk in from a day out at work/ running errands, who immediately unclasp and throw off their bra. It was kind of funny because I have been wearing shapeless and plain cotton nursing bras for so long I forgot what wearing something “pretty” actually felt like before having babies. The band with the lace trim caused some itching. It wasn’t the FIT that made it uncomfortable. I would like to try their Toffee bra in the future; with no lace I expect it would be much more comfortable for longer periods of time. It is also the ONLY nursing bra with a convertible strap option!
One thing that is nice about the shape of this bra is the wide set straps. Often, with nursing bras your straps are more centered to the cup. Certain shirts require wider straps or else they will be visible. I like to wear this bra with my Toni Top, and even though that top is so wide set they somtimes sneak out, this is a bra that works with it. Plus the straps are pretty, black, and lacy, so it works.
I was so impressed with the company and I’m thrilled that I met them at ABC Kids. They really understand what goes into making a maternity and nursing bra. They offer a huge variety of sizes, including Plus Sizes, and styles. I’ve never talked to a man who knows more about nursing bras than Keith, who was at the booth during ABC Kids.
I’m going to be stalking Zulily and hope that Cake Lingerie comes back so that I can try one of their other bras. Admittedly, their price is high at around 59.00 per bra. After you have tried a lot of cheaper bras and realize how quickly they wear out their welcome and lose shape you start thinking of more expensive bras as an investment. It has been a gradual shift in my thinking. But, I still prefer saving money when I can, which is why I try catching good brands like Cake Lingerie on sale.
You can also find Cake Lingerie at A Mother’s Boutique here in the US in select styles. If you are unsure of your size I know Judy will answer your questions.
{Email subscribers should click over to see the embedded video} I love spending time with my family during the Holidays. This means there are get togethers and maybe even a party or two. These events, at least in my family, are LOUD and packed with people you see only once or twice a year and some people you see often.
As much as I advocate for women to nurse in public I will admit that I am nervous about nursing in front of my own family. I haven’t put my finger on the reason. Part of it could be that I am not very comfortable around some of my family members to begin with, and part could be the fear of slipping and showing more of my breast than I would like to.
I do not use covers and don’t plan to start now. Everett wouldn’t have it either. He is also a very distracted nurser so I have to either find a quiet place to nurse him, or come armed with items that make it easier for him to nurse without popping off every 5 seconds and exposing my nipple.
When I went to the ABC Kids Expo I was fortunate enough to find a few things (and came home with them too!) that do just that. I show them off on my video embedded above, but I’ve also written more about them.
The first is the Toni Top designed by the same woman who masterminded the (uh-ma-zing) Pumpease Handsfree Nursing Bra. The Toni Top is meant to be worn by women who are pregnant, nursing, or not nursing. It doesn’t look like a maternity or breastfeeding top. In fact, it is one of the most stylish tops in my wardrobe right now. The criss-crossed panels move up or down to allow you to nurse discreetly. I demo-ed the top at ABC and was able to easily keep myself covered whenever Ev decided, on a whim, to pop off. It makes nursing a distracted toddler easy. I will say that you have to find just the right nursing bra to work with the top since it is cut in a diamond shape. Your bra will need straps that are wider set. I have found my HOTMilk and Cake Lingerie to be the best fit, however they still can show. I do usually just put a black tank top with 1 inch straps on under. These will cover my straps. I would also love for it to come in an XS and more colors, perhaps a goldenrod yellow or avocado green?! (I just saw that Smoke is the next color and they will have a pencil skirt to match. I need them BOTH!)
My second “MUST HAVE” for nursing in public and keeping Everett happy and contained is my Mommy Necklace. I’ve been a fan since I discovered them early in my first son’s life, so almost 3 years ago now. I only have a couple but I could easily buy more if my wallet let me. Mommy Necklaces are designed to be handled by babies but look stylish. They have various styles, lengths, and pendant choices. I prefer the dangling donut myself.
When you really need a baby to be entertained you will want to bring out the big guns…. the Nourish. Nourish is the classier cousin of the Snazzy. I used to use the Snazzy when I was flying and needed to keep the little hands occupied. Nourish is a more toned down version of Snazzy. It still has a lot of color to it, but it keeps to a jewel tone family and not primary colors and rainbows. The beads are more rounded in case you are babywearing (the Snazzy had a few square beads and Raelynn explained her reason for changing this was for babywearing in case the baby was laying on it) but it is still a fun necklace for the baby to explore.
Another option in the necklace department would be Teething Bling. It is more simple than a Mommy Necklace but provides something for the babies to nibble on and the large donut is easily palmed. They offer a variety of colors and some patterns. I have a bronze and black and wear them both; they happen to match most of my wardrobe.
A Mother’s Boutique saw my post of me nursing my son in the Toni Top and said I was so pretty in it (Judy, I had to tell someone!) that she would love me to review it and would love to sponsor a giveaway. I had planned on posting about the top at some point anyways since I love it so much, so a giveaway in conjunction is just icing on the cake! In case you aren’t aware, Judy is the Boobie Whisperer and can help any of you find the perfect nursing bra. She offers virtual fittings too.
Now for the Giveaway!!! I will be giving a Toni Top away to one lucky DDL reader. I also have a Nourish Necklace that I was given at ABC Kids to give to one of my readers! Enter on the Rafflecopter below. You will need Javascript enabled to enter.
Select links included in this post are affiliate links. I will receive a small percentage of any purchases made through them , so thank you!
Everett recently turned a year old, but this week marks the one year anniversary of bouncing on my big orange ball.
Regular readers can probably cite many references to my yoga ball. It all started when Ev was a week old. That first week was blissful; he slept most of the day and the entire night with the exception of dream feeding at night. I was counting my lucky stars that everything was going smoothly. One day things changed- my once content baby was suddenly screaming. It didn’t sound like a normal fussy cry. My poor newborn seemed like he was in pain and I had no idea how to help.
I tried the usual suspects: gas, keeping a dry diaper on at all times, nursing, etc…. On a whim I tried sitting on my Birth Ball while holding him. I bounced and he calmed down. He stopped screaming, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I was a ball of nerves but bouncing on that ball turned me into one large aching muscle. It didn’t matter though because my baby was happy and sleeping.
Every night around 9 pm I had to bounce my baby and nurse him to sleep. My husband and I would watch a movie while my older son was in bed. I held my new baby and bounced. When my back was in such pain I could hardly stand it I would hand him to Steven and he would bounce him. Back and forth it went until I took him to bed with me. Some nights he needed to be bounced back to sleep but in general it was just a late evening fussy period.
It took a few weeks for me to figure out that Everett was sensitive to dairy. By the time the elimination diet worked and he was out of that constant screaming phase he was used to being bounced to sleep.
Along the way the ball became a part of our lives. It was my right arm. Many major events were spent on that ball. Fletcher’s 2nd birthday and Thanksgiving Dinner, Christmas Morning, almost every meal in the early days, and so on.
At 2 months old we drove to visit our family and left the ball at home. At the hotel after my baby screamed and screamed I sent my husband off to the front desk. I had him ask their permission to borrow the yoga ball in their fitness room for the night.
When we arrived in Charlotte I immediately sent him off to buy a new ball. It was bigger and better than my original. I spent all of Christmas Morning on the ball keeping Everett happy while we opened gifts.
Everett's First Christmas
We deflated the ball and took it back home with us. From that point on whenever I left town I would deflate the ball and reinflate it at my destination. Only recently have I left it at home.
This year the blog could be called “The Website Built on a Yoga Ball” because I would guess 65% of my work has been done while bouncing Everett on the ball. Recently it hasn’t been as much but the first 8 months I was on it for 2-5 hours a day. Eventually I stopped having aches. I never noticed when it happened. Someone remarked that I must have a strong core from bouncing all day. Honestly, the bonus “fitness” aspect never occured to me until then. Who knows? Maybe the ball is why I shrank back down to a size 2 pretty soon after Ev was born.
Remember that awesome animation I made about cloth diapers many months ago? 10 of the 12 hours I worked on it were spent with Ev in my arms. I animated it frame by frame, one handed, while bouncing. The Cloth Diaper Finder? The original spreadsheet of 105 diapers that would become the database was created while bouncing and typing one handed. And any time you see me at a Monday night #clothdiapers twitter chat I am probably bouncing and typing with one hand.
The majority of my video editing is done when he is asleep on me. Or at least it used to be. It was another activity I could do one handed. My husband bought a trackpad mouse for me when I also purchased new video editing software. This revolutionized my bouncing and working. My set up is as follows:
Trackpad mouse on left of keyboard. Keyboard in center. Laser mouse on right. Then I have a monitor in front and my laptop connected which acts as my second monitor when I need one. If Everett is nursing/sleeping on one side I can use my other hand and the mouse on that side. It increased my productivity.
Working
I never expected to be bouncing Everett to sleep after he was a year old. Then again, there was a time I didn’t expect I would ever co-sleep with a baby over a year old, or even nurse a baby that long. Funny how your expectations change. Even a few months back I assumed when I wrote this post when he turned a year old that it would be a farewell…..
These days I am on the ball 1 hour or two a day. I only have to give him a quick bounce at 12:30 for his nap. Some days he lets me lay him down, others I have to hold him or sleep with him. Luckily 12:30 is his brother’s nap time also so it doesn’t hold me back from playing with him. Each night around 8:30 he gets bounced to sleep. Same as naps, sometimes I can lay him down and others I am stuck with him. And when I lay him down he wakes an hour later and I get him again. If he would sleep in a carrier on me I could have had an easier time of all of this but he rarely did and never does now.
I have to remind myself, and my husband, that my first son was rocked and nursed to sleep until he was probably 18 months old. And he slept with me until about 20 months. Now? He is a fabulous sleeper! He goes to nap when I tell him and sleeps for 2-3 hours, and he sleeps all night long every night. Because of traveling for the holidays and some big changes coming soon in our lives I won’t be trying to change his habits anytime soon. And when we do I will be using the same method I used on Fletcher. That turned out just fine.
In a few years I will look back fondly on the thousands of hours I have logged while getting to hold my little baby. I will miss that time where he wants me to hold him and where I am his entire world. I don’t regret “spoiling” him because he is a baby. I’m thankful I found a solution that works for our family and keeps him happy. Overall, he is actually a pretty darn good baby.
If I could change one thing it would be……. the color of that damn ball. Now it is a part of my home decor and the orange really clases with my green couch and red chairs.
The silver lining to an otherwise gloomy day came to me at a SuperCuts. I know, I’m as surprised as you are about that one. I don’t dare get my hair cut in any mass chain cuttery with the actual name “Cut” in it, but I will take my son there to get a “3″ in the back and a “5″ on top.
The young lady who was cutting my son’s hair was beautiful, youthful, and personable. She immediately thought to ask if she could offer the reward of a “l-o-l-l-i” which I appreciated. Generally, I decline but since she secretly asked and my son needed some coaxing I reluctantly agreed.
With the promise of a lollipop, color of his choice, and an iPhone in hand to keep him still for the 10 minute clipper session, my son was ready for a trim.
The stylist and I, I’ll call her Beth, started talking. I commented at how great she was with my son. She went on to tell me how she came from a family with 5 brothers and sisters. She then told me that I reminded her of her own mother; young, with a child strapped to my person (I wore Everett in the Ergo on front and walked Fletcher in), and seemingly had it all together.
Then she asked my age, to which I responded “26.”
“How old were you when you had your first baby?”
“I was 23.”
She told me that is the age she wants to start her family, and she is just shy of 23.
Because she noticed my carrier she actually asked if I used cloth diapers. When the subject of cloth diapers comes up in real life I have to gauge the other person’s interest level. Do I bombard them with information and tell them what I do for work? Or do I just state that I do indeed use cloth diapers?
Since she seemed really interested I went with the first option. She asked about my favorite brands, and a few questions related to reviewing diapers for a living. Then we got to the good stuff: Homebirth.
The topic arose organically, we went from cloth diapers, to breastfeeding to homebirth. To my surprise, she was interested in pursuing a homebirth. She is still a little naive about it though, considering when I told her about my son being born at home she asked “Without any pain meds?!” in a surprised voice.
Maybe I am stereotyping, but never in a million years would I have pegged this young lady for a potential homebirther. Then again, I don’t consider myself in the “homebirth image” if there was such a thing. To the general public I assume a homebirther would have hairy legs, wear birkies, have a head scarf, and live in a Yurt. See the SNL Skit:
Beth was stylish, well accessorized, tan, an unnatural blonde, and so young!
I immediately told Beth that she should watch Business of Being Born, the documentary on the state of our Maternal Healthcare System in the US by Ricki Lake and Abby Epstein.
Get this: she has already seen it! And that video is what inspired her to consider homebirth.
“I already know how doctors are in a rush to get things done and I see how that could mess things up.” she said.
I almost leapt out of my shoes! A young woman, not yet pregnant, has already seen The Business of Being Born and it impacted her enough to think critically about her future birth.
I gave her a brief description of how easy and amazing my own homebirth (Everett- 10-20-2010) was compared to my first son’s birth. Then I told her she had to read Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth. The film and the book are the things I suggest to anyone thinking of giving birth at home.
Business of Being Born really shows you WHY so many women end up having C-Sections and unplanned interventions. It fit my first birth to a T. Uncessecary Induction—>Constant Fetal Monitoring—–>Laboring in the Bed—–>Stronger Than Normal Contractions from Pitocin—->Epidural—–>Total loss of control and misery——->Crummy Birth Experience. I got a healthy baby out of it (although I believe he was induced too early- more on what my overdue baby taught me about my first induction) and I love my son, but it shouldn’t have been that way. I should have advocated for myself. I believed, as most people do, that the doctor and hospital staff had my best interest at heart. Maybe, but only if it fit into their schedule and their ideals of when a baby should appear.
Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth is my Bible for natural childbirth. One doesn’t have to have a homebirth to benefit from the lessons inside. No truer words have ever been spoken about any topic than when Ina May eloquently explains “Sphincter Law.” Ever try to shit with someone watching you? Didn’t work out so well? Try the same effort (pushing) with 5 unfamiliar faces watching your crotch under a harsh light. Or, conversely, try having a BM in your own peaceful bathroom, alone, in normal conditions. Doesn’t giving birth on your turf, in your home, make sense? I’ve already professed my love for this book, you can read more if you want.
I’d like to think my chance encounter with Beth, and my positive homebirth experience, has only solidified her desire to look further into homebirth (and cloth diapers!). Even though she is only 4 years younger than me, she is in the next group of women in line to give birth. As with all things, the ripple effect of her deciding to homebirth will reach others. Her friends, her family, her own children.
I was one of the lucky ones. My labor resulted in a vaginal delivery. For that I am so grateful. This isn’t always the case, clearly, because the C-Section rate in the US is 32.9%. {The Unneccesarean}
I want the Beths of the world to know the facts. Understand their rights, not just as a woman, but as a person.
Even if Beth decides to give birth at a hospital, with an OB or Midwife, she should ask questions. “Why do you say I HAVE to have the baby by 39 weeks? Why do I need this test? Do I have to have a cervical dilation check? Can I walk around during labor?” Not every OB is bad, and not every Midwife is good. A woman can have a good birth experience at a birth center, even a hospital, if she asks the right questions and finds the right care provider. More importantly, her partner has to advocate for her against any outside pressures.
My mistake was the same one that every other mother makes. I trusted a broken system.
I want to run into a million more Beths and talk about homebirth and cloth diapers and breastfeeding. Not in a pushy way, or a “holier than though” way, but just a way. They say knowledge is power right? Since schools and universities don’t teach “How to Have a Baby 101″ the conversation is up to those of us who know. Unfortunately for many of us, we learned the hard way.
So next time a subject you are passionate about presents itself in a SuperCuts, go for it. You may just make a huge difference in someone’s life, or look like a crazy. Take that risk, option B won’t kill you if it happens.
How many people have you had the chance to chat with about your chosen passion subject(s)? Do you think you made an impact? How do you handle not coming off as a zealot while hoping to make a difference/ educate?
Wasting breast milk should be a crime punishable by the Iron Maiden. Breast Milk is the most amazing liquid on the planet. It hydrates, it nourishes, it heals, it comforts, it is pure awesomesauce.
So when I decided to leave my son with his father while I attended BlogHer ’11 in San Diego I was immediately hit with the prospect of pumping milk for 4 days. My first thought would be to bring it home with me because simply dumping it was out of the question! Then I realized what an ordeal that would be. Even if I somehow procured Dry Ice to pack it into a cooler for the 8+ hour trip home I would face the TSA. Would I get an educated agent who understood how to handle breastmilk? Or an agent who demanded I taste my milk or scan it in an X Ray machine?
Then it hit me: Donate it! Yes! I would find a mother local to San Diego who had a baby in need of breast milk. Even if I only had 50 ounces isn’t that something? Of course it is! And lightning struck again when I decided to blog about my donation plans to enlist other lactating mothers! It was brilliant (in my humble opinion.)
For any of you unaware, there are various ways a person can donate breast milk.
One would be donating to a Milk Bank. A Milk Bank would screen the donor through blood tests and the milk is then pasterurized or otherwise turned into other forms of milk for babies. Even though donors are not getting paid for the milk the banks do charge a (hefty) price for human milk. A great read regarding Milk Banks and the human milk business is on JWOC {Swindled: The Ugly Side of Milk Donation} I would recommend reading this if you are considering donating to a Milk Bank in order to be informed about what happens to your milk in many cases.
Peer Milk Sharing involves direct person to person donations. Utilizing online or in person connections women can donate milk to one another for various reasons. It is really up to the donor and recipient to be honest and up front regarding health concerns or medications being taken. Reasons for peer milk donations range from intolerance to formula, adoptive parents, and help for cancer patients.
BlogHer Milk Recipient. CUTE!
I knew a Peer to Peer Milk Share would be the best in my situation. I was staying at a hotel so I would need to the recipient to pick up the milk. I chose Eats on Feets and after a quick search, found their Facebook Page for Southern California. After posting my plans on the page I quickly got an email from a mother who needed the milk. Her son had been tongue tied and he was clipped but she pumped and was having supply issues. The baby wasn’t doing well on formula and tolerated breast milk much better.
I responded that I would at least have my own milk but potentially the milk from a few other moms.
Word spread through the internet about my plan. I had comments on my blog post, tweets from other attendees, and emails asking to be involved. Another mom created a Facebook Group for moms pumping at BlogHer (regardless of donating) and we kept in touch in this way.
At BlogHer I found even more moms! Purely by coincidence I chatted with a mother at a party who was pumping and boy am I glad I did! Molly of Milwaukee Mamas.com turned out to be our biggest “producer” and needs an award for her amazing supply! Her milk was a large percentage of the total we donated! Other attendees also spread the word in person.
I want to send a HUGE THANK YOU to all of the moms who donated. We had 1 time pumpers who were away from older nurslings and others like myself who had babies under a year old and lots of milk was still flowing! 1 oz or 100 ounces, these women took time to save their milk instead of the easy path of dumping it down the drain. They have my gratitude!
In no particular order here are the moms I know who donated:
And One Employee of the Convention Center handed me a bag too (and was asked of any meds/etc first of course)
That is a grand total of 14 (including myself)
All I can say is Wow. I have tears in my eyes just typing out the list of Moms involved. I am so amazed at the hugeness of this donation, the willingness of so many women to donate, and the overall positive outcome. Most people don’t even know that breast milk donation is an option, so to have so many involved is truly amazing and such a testament to the caliber of women who attend BlogHer!
Just 1 of 2 Bags
In order to collect every possible drop of breastmilk I was able to wrangle Jill (Baby Rabies) to meet up with our milk recipient on Sunday morning. I had to leave our hotel at 4:15 am so having anyone meet that early would have been crazy. Instead, I collected as much milk as possible the night before (and ran back and forth from the North and South Towers of the hotel about 5 times!) then dropped it off to Jill at 12:30 am (after I pumped for the last time) where her fridge was already stocked with milk. I have a feeling our baby recipient is going to gain a few pounds- let’s just say that Jill and Suzanne both make milk with extra cream! It resembled yogurt- no lie! And in case you are curious, we all wrote our names on our own bags of milk. If Sam shows any sort of negative reaction to the milk hopefully it will be possible to trace to one mother and they can discontinue using those bags.
Jill met with Jen (Life with Levi) in the morning for her milk and the milk we pumped at the party. They delivered the milk to our mom (I hate that I couldn’t be there myself but getting more milk was more important!) on Sunday morning and it all went smoothly. I am so relieved!
In total we had 70 bags of milk. Most had 4 ounces (or more) in each bag. My guess is we had 350 ounces at least but to be safe let’s say 300 ounces were donated.
300 Ounces.
Suddenly, the inconvenience of pumping was replaced with a warm fuzzy feeling. Sam, our little donor baby, has been drinking the breastmilk and Mom says his tummy is already acting better compared to the formula. Luckily they had lots of room in the freezer!
Blissed out and in a Breastmilk Coma.
So next year, New York City, if you are going to be pumping at BlogHer ’12, just let me know! We’ll be doing the same through Eats on Feets in August 2012. I may not be breastfeeding by then (who knows) but I will be happy to coordinate another BlogHer Breast Milk Donation.
Anyone can donate breastmilk at any time! If you have a freezer overflowing with milk, or have an oversupply, or just want to donate, locate an Eats on Feets or Human Milk for Human Babies Chapter in your area!
, the documentary on the state of our Maternal Healthcare System in the US by Ricki Lake and Abby Epstein.
