Today I got to attend the annual “Muffins with Mom” at my youngest son’s pre-school. Every year all the mothers are treated to handmade wearables (think paper plate hats and matchbox lockets covered in rhinestones.) The children share their gifts with the mothers and enjoy a special treat. It’s a wonderfully put together affair each time that the teachers work hard on and of course, the kids are thrilled to show off their hard work.
The teachers also love to share a few of the answers the children give to questions about their mothers, in art form, in list form, and in a book they read to the mothers in the room. In the book each child answered the question “my favorite thing to do with mommy is _____” and my son answered “to cuddle.” That’s legit, he’s a cuddle monster. The teacher also read out the list on the wall where children answered what their mom’s did. Nearly every child answered that their mom cleaned the house, washed dishes, vacuumed the carpet, did the laundry, and some said they played with them. My son? “checks on us.” Busted. My kids play so well together outside I usually spend the time catching up on, you guessed it, housework. So I “check on them” outside.
Finally, the teachers had artwork on the wall that the children made to answer “what would you buy your mom if you had a million dollars?” The answers ranged from normal to nonsensical as you’d expect, saying they’d buy their moms shoes, purses, makeup, dogs, a toothbrush (ok!), the number 7, lots of phones and ipads. The moms all chuckled lightly at the answers or said “aww” when animals were purchased with imaginary money as gifts.
Realizing these were being read out loud I started flushing. My son proudly came home from school on Monday and told me about their project, along with what he has said he would buy me. I was waiting for it…
“Everett said if he had a million dollars he would buy his mommy DIAPERS!”
Cue the immediate uncomfortable laughter from the other moms. I know of just 2 moms of the group who knew what I did for work, and one was crying laughing. The others, unsure of how to react, just laughed. I spoke up to make sure the group didn’t get the wrong idea and announced that I worked in the cloth diaper industry.
The saving grace came when his teacher yelled out “I have to tell you the story.” She went on, “when we did this project and I asked Everett what he would buy his mommy you could tell he was thinking really hard. Then he said DIAPERS. Next, he made sure to tell me ‘not for mommy to wear’ to clear things up.”
Picture it: 2016, Florida, in a pretend village inside of a preschool. Me sitting in a tiny plastic chair wearing a paper plate hat, and bright freaking red.
My son knows how to get a laugh, make no mistake, he planned this. He loves the spotlight and knew his answer would be the most entertaining by far. My other son tells strangers I like looking at baby butts. It’s a miracle I’m not on a list somewhere and banned from schools by now. Everett beamed with pride at the reaction his calculated response received, and when we left the room the mother who is very familiar with what I do told her husband that my son stole the show with his answer.
I can only imagine how the next few years of school projects will go as my children learn more about the other website about menstrual cups, Put a Cup In It…. “My mommy teaches people how to put things in their vaginas to hold their blood!” complete with a bloody cup picture in watercolors. Now THAT is how you get a reaction at your next artshow, kids.