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Daddy is an iPhone- Why You Should Stay Away From Short Sales-Updated 6/4

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{warning- adult language} {Scroll to bottom for the update} With 2 months 3 Months of living in separate states under our belts a few things have become clear- Everett thinks his father is an iPhone and Fletcher believes Daddy is always “at the office” or finding a house in Florida.

3 months ago we put a bid on a home we fell in love with that had a large back yard with old oak trees all around. It was on a cul-de-sac so the kids could play in the street and it had a lovely pool. There is work to be done on the home (built in the 70′s and has had some updating but still needs TLC) but the price was good and the location was better. Problem? It was a short sale.

Originally we took “short sales” out of our search because we read that the process took 3-6 months. Short sales, come to find out, aren’t short. Short refers to the fact that the mortgage holder will receive less money than they are owed because the owners are in danger of foreclosure. A short sale is better on their credit than a foreclosure but the paperwork and process is a bit of a nightmare. (better explanation of a short sale) (Also I need to stop googling about Bank of America Short Sales because every post/blog/article is nothing but bad news.)

Florida homes in our price range were lack luster, cookie cutter, boxy, and had no yard and definitely no trees for shade so after weighing our options and speaking with out realtor we took a gamble. One that isn’t paying off and that is threatening to drive us up the wall.

We were reassured that the stars were aligned in this case and it shouldn’t take longer than 3 months (we are pre-approved, they are HAFA approved, etc). I was planning to move down with my husband into an extended stay hotel, paid for by his company for 2 months, but we both decided it would be easier for the boys if we stayed behind at his parents in North Carolina after moving from Syracuse. It has definitely been easier in many ways- my Mother-in-Law has no shortage of toys for them and there is plenty of space. They have made friends in the cul-de-sac and I’m loving having “Oma” make them lunches and dinner everyday. I’m lucky that my in-laws are not typical and seem to like me. I do get whiffs of judgement here and there, usually concerning my choice to still nurse my 18 month old on demand and to sleep with him at night, but they leak that out passive aggressively. I expected it and I ignore it or reply back kindly that we are doing what we think is best.

Yesterday was when panic set in that it has been 3 months and we are no closer to having a home than we were before we moved! (Thank you Bank of America employee who went on vacation with our paperwork on your desk to work through- I can not tell you how fucking much I appreciate your consideration in this matter. I kinda hope you got sun burnt). We’ve been told “Your paperwork has been escalated and your (infuriating) negotiator (who went on fucking VACATION before getting to our paperwork like they were supposed to) has 48 hours to complete it (which was 1.5 weeks ago.) Then “You should hear back on Monday” (Which was 6 days ago). So we signed an extension on our bid until mid May. After that I don’t feel like I can wait any longer. We are currently browsing for homes now so if there is no news by then we can promptly bid on another house. Either way it seems the earliest we will have a home is mid to late JUNE.

During all of this time my husband has lived in Florida. He has 4 days to find another place to live. I won’t go into more detail but this is stressing us both out because it is either rent some room who knows where, rent a $$$ furnished apartment maybe? Then there is the cluster-fuck of what is happening with our entire earthly possessions in storage which was only originally meant to be temporary. This is another mess.

funny screencap from a late night FaceTime session. We look awesome

2 months in baby world is a lot. Everett has changed so much since we arrived in NC. He is saying many more words, expressing himself through sign language and hand gestures of his own invention, running and climbing like a boss, and really just turning into a little person! Fletcher has just blossomed even more and his verbal ability is just amazing me! We chat with my husband on the phone and we often do family FaceTime. Thank goodness for technology. It does break my heart than Everett learned to say “dada” when his father wasn’t even here to hear it and used it for the first time to refer to my iPhone. He knows who Daddy is and can point him out but he also knows Daddy is always in the phone so he brings it to me and says “dada” in his sweet voice then proceeds to mash the screen and try to navigate his way to the phone to call him. He associates my iPhone with his father in every way. Fletcher always says “Daddy is working” to Everett when he calls for him. He also tells everyone who will listen that “Our house is all packed up with bockes (boxes.)”

It is such a strange feeling when you have no “home” and don’t even know when you will be a family again. Steven says he is doing ok and that he is at least happy his parents are getting to spend time with our kids since he never knew his own grandparents. I understand that- I’ve actually been able to see my own family more too since they are all in North Carolina. Still- I am really missing my husband, and miss him seeing our kids grow. I also miss the extra help! I’m running on E and need a little time to myself and some extra sleep. Steven will be visiting again next week and I’m already excited!

Moral of the story- unless you have somewhere to live and infinite patience stay the heck away from short sales! The crazy thing is we could wait this whole time and not even be approved to buy- in which case I might just go bat shit crazy. It almost seems that BOA would rather the homes go into foreclosure than let a short sale be approved. Why else would the process be so convoluted and complicated that it takes 6 or more months to complete?! Don’t these people know that families are waiting for these homes? In our case, 3/4 of a family in one state and 1/4 in another? I don’t know who I’m angrier at- the bank, the employee who set us back who knows how long, the sellers who haven’t been cooperative either, or myself for expecting this to work out and putting us all through this nightmare. The entire short sale process needs to either be completely changed or done away with altogether.

UPDATE: May 8 we received word that our short sale was approved. This was a verbal message. Bank of America stated we should have an approval letter Friday or Monday. That was almost 4 weeks ago. 4 weeks where every. single. time. my phone rings my heart jumps because I think it is my husband calling to tell me we got the paper we need to move forward. 3 weekends where each Sunday I think “Monday is the day. It’s going to happen. We are going to get good news.” And then each time the clock rolls around to 6 PM and nothing happened my hopes are dashed and instead of playing with my kids, getting them dinner, bathing them, and putting them to bed I would much rather just hide in my room. In this time my Sister-in-Law has house hunted, bid on a home, been approved, supervised the remaining contruction, and closed. She became a homeowner in the time it has taken for one remaining document to be mailed to us. As happy as I am for her I can’t help but feel……. bitter? Jealous? Hopeless? While my family lives in different states and my heart is heavy from this ordeal I watched the easiest home sale in history happen for a family member. I wouldn’t wish our situation on anyone but that didn’t help my mental stability.

Tomorrow is Monday. Right now I am part anxious because I’m hoping to get good news. And part of me is dreading another day of dissapointment that is sure to come. Even after being in touch with the social media team of Bank of America, even after they escalated our file once again, and then again, and were reasured it was being working on and would be complete in 3 days (this was 2 weeks ago) there are no indications that this process will ever, ever, end.

For 5 weeks I have been physically ill off and on and I am sure it is stress related. (Not pregnant…. your question was pre-answered) If buying a home is an emotional roller coaster then buying a short sale (especially with BOA apparently) is like sky diving, but without a parachute.  

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Kim Rosas began Dirty Diaper Laundry in 2009 out of a desire to help more parents understand modern cloth diapers. She lives in Florida with her husband of 5 years and her two boys. Even though none of her boys wear diapers anymore she is still just as committed to promoting them. In her spare time Kim enjoys video editing, photography, and coffee.
  • Mumblesinpaint

    I’m sorry to hear about your housing troubles :(
    I think you’re entitled to use any and all language you like. 
    Not turned off at all.

  • Mamamanya

    Thanks Kim for adding the disclaimer :) I totally wasn’t expecting those words, so it just threw me for a loop this a.m. Sure hope things work out for you guys soon and your family can be back together under one roof. *hugs*

  • Laura

    BOA are just all-around asses. we purposely did NOT get a mortgage with them, just to have our mortgage bought by them a few months later. I hate them.

    • Anonymous

      ouch.

  • Stacy Fontana

    OH gosh Kim I’m sry you’re going through all that it’s so rough :( I hope you can find the support you need to get through this time and find a home SOON. I understand very much so because my husband has been in Afghanistan for 4.5 months now and this is now my 2nd pregnancy and he has missed BOTH. it’s really sad he never got to be here to see a belly growing. or maybe lucky that he missed out on my crazy hormones ;) The distance has made our hearts grow fonder indeed! though our minds maybe a little bat shit crazy too :P >.< it's hard. 7 more months to go…

  • http://www.facebook.com/stacy.fontana Stacy Mojica

    OH gosh Kim I’m sry you’re going through all that it’s so rough :( I hope you can find the support you need to get through this time and find a home SOON. I understand very much so because my husband has been in Afghanistan for 4.5 months now and this is now my 2nd pregnancy and he has missed BOTH. it’s really sad he never got to be here to see a belly growing. or maybe lucky that he missed out on my crazy hormones ;) The distance has made our hearts grow fonder indeed! though our minds maybe a little bat shit crazy too :P >.< it's hard. 7 more months to go…

  • http://www.facebook.com/princessnorm Norma Hess

    eh, who hasn’t used a curse word before? or heard one for that matter? I think the disclaimer was a sufficient to warn those not comfy with a little French ;)    Anyway, I’m sorry about the house situation… We recently moved into our new home and had quite a few fumbles along the way. Ours wasn’t a short sale at all but I think between the construction company, the mortgage company, and everyone in between, I must have cursed everyday for a few months. It IS very frustrating that companies forget there’s a family behind the whole process… They see a pile of paperwork and don’t realize there’s actual people on the other end. I hope this all works out for you and that you all end up back together soon so you can leave these frustrating days behind you. Best of luck!

  • http://twitter.com/FeministBreeder TheFeministBreeder

    I know EXACTLY how crazy-making a short-sale can be, having been on the opposite end of it. We lost our shirts on our condo 5 years ago and ended up being forced to do a short-sale. We got an offer on it IMMEDIATELY, but it took SIX MONTHS to close on it because the dude wanting to buy it was going to rent it out, and the condo board refused to approve the sale because they wanted the building 100% owner occupied. They failed to realize that if the bank took it, they’d have ZERO say in who ended up with the unit. Finally after many, many, many months of bullshit, the condo was off our backs on Valentine’s Day of 2008. Our realtor felt so bad for what we had gone through that she gave us the entire $1000 check she made in commission. Our credit has recovered, so we hope to buy one day again in the future.

  • Kat

    Yikes, I’m sorry! What a messy ordeal! My mom just closed on her short sale and it took forEVER for her as well. And I’m in the same boat for Daddy confusion unfortunately :( I have a 7 month old daughter and my husband deployed when she was 2 1/2 weeks old. We’ve gotten to Skype a handful of times, but we watch a lot of videos that he recorded before he left, so she thinks that “Daddy” is the computer. It breaks my heart, but just keep in mind that when he gets home, they’ll get to fall in love with him all over again!


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