After almost 4 years of parenting I have discovered the secret to getting a baby to sleep through the night: never go to bed yourself!

The longer I stay awake in anticipation of my son waking for the first time, usually between 11 PM and 12:30 AM, the longer he waits. If he hasn’t woken up by 12:30 I usually wait longer. Once I decide to give up, typically around 1 AM, he starts to cry as soon as my head hits the pillow.

Coincidence? I think not. More like a conspiracy to rob mothers of their sleep even when they are sleeping.

Damned if they do {sleep}, damned if they don’t {sleep}.

18 months and 5 days old- Nursing after a boo-boo

Everett has been breastfeeding for 18 months and 6 days.  My first son Fletcher weaned at 18 months and 5 days old.  I can still vividly remember the moment I realized he would never nurse again.  We were rocking together in the glider and each night I would nurse him while doing so to get him to fall asleep.  That night he didn’t need to nurse to fall asleep and he never did again.  I shed a few tears as an important chapter of our lives came to a close.

Today means I have been nursing Everett one day longer than his brother did and weaning seems like a faraway concept and there are no plans in place.  He is still my baby!  I still wear him in my ring sling, I still nurse him many times a day and night, he still sleeps in my bed, and he even still looks like a baby to me!  When Fletcher was this age he seemed so much older.  I believe part of this is because he had quite a bit more hair and part was that he was my first and I wanted him to be “older” because his little brother would be earthside soon.

With no plans for another baby I want to keep Everett mine as long as I can.  I don’t know how long we will nurse but I don’t think it will be initiated by me.  We both find a great deal of comfort in our nursing sessions and he is easily soothed when a boo-boo happens or his brother hurts his feelings.

We’ve beaten tongue-tie, work trips away, new teeth, and even the dangers of toddlerdom (ya know, crazy acrobatics at the breast, ninja kicks, fun stuff like that) to make it this far.

I’ve put together a gallery of my favorite photos from our nursing adventure so far starting with a photo from his first latch all the way up to yesterday.  (I did the same for Fletcher to celebrate our 1 year milestone) You might see a boob (or two)- be warned.

I read a book!  And because I read a book I feel the need to post about it since I deserve a pat on the back for making time to read said book with two young boys, running a small cloth diaper empire, and keeping up with Draw Something (just kidding, sort of).  The book is Beyond the Sling: A Real-Life Guide to Raising Confident, Loving Children the Attachment Parenting Way

Mayim Bialik has made a name for herself recently as a “spokesmom” for the Attachment Parenting way of life.  She is an actor and mother of two boys.  She is also the spokesperson for Holistic Moms Network and advocate for La Leche League.  Oh and she also holds a PhD in Neuroscience (which she mentions a few times in her book.  Sometimes ad nauseum but I guarantee you if I had a PhD in anything I’d find a way to drop that into every few sentences.)

I devoured Beyond the Sling in a span of three nights.  Each evening after the kids went to bed I started reading until my eyes crossed.  I was hesitant to read the book at all because frankly Mayim is on the “extreme” end of my parenting spectrum.  She is fully committed to living an AP lifestyle in every fashion.  I come in at a much more relaxed version of AP.  I identify with many aspects of the attachment parenting lifestyle but I have never read a book on the subject until now.  My own personal journey to “AP” started from my instinctual parenting style that happened to mimic the principles of AP.

The book is laid out in four sections: Part 1 is about Trusting Your Instincts.  Part 2 is about What Baby Needs.  Part 3 is about What Baby Doesn’t Need.  Part 4 is What Mommy Needs.

I won’t go over the entire book and explain where I agreed with Mayim and where I found myself on another page.  I will say I agreed with her more than I did not.  Mayim will tell you over and over that this is not a parenting manual.  She has a unique perspective (she does drop some knowledge on you about why an attachment parenting style works best- proven by neuroscience and how the brain of a child operates) and is very honest about her own life experience.  Many would say she is preaching from an unreachable mountain top because she is a celebrity and has behind the scenes help from a personal staff of chefs, nannies, and housekeepers.  On the contrary, it appears her finances are no better than many upper middle class families.  Her lifestyle is frugal by choice and necessity and she admits in the book to only having vacations when they are financed by speaking engagements.  If you were afraid to read the book for that reason alone then know she is coming from a place more like our own (except that she IS famous and DOES live in LA.)  She is promoting a style of parenting that is not mainstream and she obviously believes in this lifestyle.  Those who don’t might find her writing dismissive of other styles even though she often sneaks in a “and if you do, that’s ok.” for extra coverage.

Reading Beyond the Sling re-ignited the passion I have for sharing my experience here on the blog and elsewhere.  I have two amazing boys and I credit the work my husband and I do to cater to their needs appropriately and lovingly.  We don’t practice Cry it Out.  I feed my son when he asks (by signing since he is not yet verbal.)  I bounce my youngest son to sleep every single night because it is what works, what he likes, and it keeps us both happy (for now.)  I just want to share some of the most poignant parts of the book that made me nod my head in agreement and expound on them with examples from my own parenting journey thus far.

Society puts pressure on babies to develop much sooner than they should.  Babies are expected to speak early, sit early, roll over, and so on.  Yes, Yes, and Yes!  I recall as a first time mom how much value I placed on the milestones of my son.  He isn’t sitting up and 80% of babies his age are sitting by now.  He isn’t speaking and everyone else’s babies are talking, why isn’t he talking?  I spent a lot of energy on these issues.  One milestone “sleeping through the night” is one that Fletcher really hit “late.”  If I were to tell myself then one thing that I know now I would simply say “put away the baby books, leave your message-board for babies born that month so you can stop comparing every move, and parent to your instinct and not to the advice of others.”

Natural Birth isn’t a choice for women who want to be “martyrs.”  The act of giving birth naturally is amazing and one of the best experiences of my life.  I didn’t do it for a merit badge.  I did it because of the benefits for the baby and myself.  I did it because I realized how many problems arose because I didn’t do it the first time.  My baby was born too early (what I learned from my induction) and was a lazy nurser.  I had a terrible labor that I can hardly remember because I wasn’t present.  The differences between my two children are astounding and so was my own recovery period.  Natural birth (and the care from my midwives I received) most certainly had a positive effect on my second son and I, who was born at home.  The outlook by many that we choose natural birth so that we can brag is silly.  However it is something to be proud of and is the biggest adrenaline rush I have ever had.

Breastfeeding is easy, even when it’s hard.  Amen.  Mayim experienced many, many, many issues with breastfeeding.  I also fought to nurse my first son and relied on lactation consultants to get through.  I am so glad we beat those first few months of challenges because afterwards we had a smooth sailing breastfeeding relationship.  With my second son I still had problems. Had I not had a network of support I might have failed- it turned out that Everett was Tongue Tied and needed to be clipped in order to latch properly.  It is easy and natural and hard and complicated all at the same time.  But when it clicks you will have this gift like no other that never requires washing bottles (unless you are pumping part time or full time and for that you have my respect!) and never having to run to the store for more milk.

Babies want to be held (or worn.)  Mayim points out a fact that some parents don’t expect and others refuse to believe or give in to- babies love to be held.  I was also actually surprised that I had to be holding my first son every waking moment.  There were times when he would be asleep in my arms and any attempt at laying him down o moving was met with fierce cries.  So I sat.  And sat.  The luxury of baby number one.  I called my husband and begged him to come home because I was starving and couldn’t get up to get food.  Eventually I discovered babywearing and that opened up many doors (including those to the refrigerator while baby napped on my chest and I was hands free.)

Sleeping alone can be lonely.  For babies and for adults.  I was deathly afraid to sleep with my first son because co-sleeping had a very bad rap and still does.  Afraid I would kill my son I endured exhaustion like no other.  He woke 6-12 times a night to nurse and often I was up all night getting him latched, fed, and asleep.  One day I napped with him when hubby was home.  That translated to part time bed-sharing.  Then full time.  And then I was a co-sleeping parent.  The joy co-sleeping brought me with my first son was unexpected.  I loved waking to his baby smiles, baby kisses, baby cuddles.  I enjoyed sleeping “all night” even though I woke a few times to nurse him.  Is he scarred for life?  I don’t think so.  He sleeps full 10-12 hours nights in his own bed (read our jounrey to this point) and with no fighting.  If the argument is that c0-sleeping fosters bad sleep habits down the line I don’t see it.  He learned that his parents loves him, protected him, and would always be there for his needs.  I think these ideas made him a more independent child.  Crying it out, explained by Mayim in the book and many others in other literature, teaches children that their parents aren’t there for them when they need it.

Kids don’t understand the concept of sharing and Mayim doesn’t like forcing kids to share.  I learned something new from this book:  I also don’t like forcing kids to share.  My gut hated interfering in playdates and on playgrounds when my son grabbed a toy from another child or one was ripped away from him.  I felt very “helicopter” parent as I demanded he return an item or explained that the toy was taken from him so he should suck it up and share it.  Either way it felt like I was teaching my child his needs or wants were less important than the other children’s.  I am a total people pleaser, I bend at every request or acquiesce when really I don’t want to.  For weeks I’ve contemplated this and wondered if my methods in public settings regarding sharing were teaching my son the same.  Thankfully I read this book and the timely section on sharing.  How will I handle this touchy subject amongst other parents when my son refuses to share a toy he is really enjoying?  Well, Mayim has some ideas.  Will I always choose this route?  Probably not.  But I don’t want my sons growing up thinking they come last.  By setting the example in the home and with his brother I’m hoping both boys learn sharing when their brains best comprehend it.  Fletcher gets the concept for the most part but Ev is still a toddler and so this section applied more to him.

“Illogical consequences” and Gentle Discipline.  This section on gentle discipline both ignited my desire to master it and at the same time had me doubting the possibility of it entirely. I don’t spank at all or use any form or physical punishment.  We do practice “time-outs” which Mayim doesn’t feel fits GD.  The section that most inspired me was focused on “illogical consequences.”  I saw myself in the examples given- “If you don’t eat your dinner you can’t go outside and play” would be a sentence spoken recently by me to my son.  This technique works for me but I learned why and the reason left me wanting to change my tactics.  I’ve been doing really well with more “logical” consequences and I have noticed these still work.  It sometimes takes me a minute to figure out what the consequence is and so far some have been quite silly but this whole thing is still new to me.  In general I am hoping to continue working on being less like my own parents were (yelling, raising my voice, enacting frequent punishments that were sometimes cruel or excessive) and more kind, level headed, yet effective in my discipline.

I did roll my eyes a bit when Mayim had quite a bit to say about “bribery” for children when trying to get a good outcome.  I don’t like bribery but I use it.  Maybe more than I should.  I can’t think of a parent who hasn’t, especially in a pinch, offered a sweet treat or reward for good behavior.  I can see where she is coming from in her reasoning but I can’t remove that tool from my parenting arsenal, sorry Mayim!

Keeping your relationships strong.  I can’t say enough good things about this section.  Many aspects of AP look, to outsiders, as a sure fire way to lose your husband, family, and friends.  Sleep with your baby=never have sex again.  Breastfeed past 6 months= never go on a date or vacation/ lose your boobs and your husband’s interest in them.  Etc, etc.  I will be the first to admit (and so will most other moms) that many of the non mainstream parenting choices can make other relationships difficult to maintain.  But having children is bound to change your life and how you relate to your husband and friends regardless.  I always tell myself (and my husband when he complains- yes he has and does complain about some of my choices) that this period of our lives is so short and also so precious.  I get jealous when I miss some really amazing opportunities to go out but there will be more chances.  There are some pretty sound advice nuggets on how to recharge yourself and your relationships with others.

It seems as if I am now worshipping the ground Maim Bialik walks on.  I assure you I am not.  I did find a lot of comfort and inspiration in this book.  Most of my parenting desires and my style has been worked out as a second time mother but I would have loved this book as a first time mom when my instincts were in place but I didn’t have the knowledge or guts to follow it all.  Parents who are finding that they question the conventional parenting advice they receive, who doubt that leaving a baby in a crib alone to cry, who think feeding a baby when they are hungry is not spoiling them, who need to hear that they aren’t weird but are in fact doing a great service by listening to their instincts- these are people who should read Beyond the Sling.

To those wondering, I did not receive a free promotional copy of the book.  In fact I walked into a Barnes and Noble and paid $23.00 for the thing.  Had I known Amazon.com was so much cheaper (affiliate link) I would have ordered online.  Oh well!  You can benefit!  I’m “paying it forward” by sending my copy to a random winner.  Just use the form below.  Please only enter if you really want to read the book and plan to.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

I’ve been learning how to shoot in Manual Mode on my Nikon D80 for the past 2 weeks in earnest (inspired by Jill from Baby Rabies). After shooting a few photos of my guy I laid the camera down on the bed and he signed for milk. I crawled in bed with him and cuddled up for a nursing session. With the camera within reach I grabbed it and took this shot. Thankfully the settings worked fairly well since we were in the same lighting as before. I’m sure I’ll cherish this photo forever as a lasting reminder of the 16+ months we have been in a nursing relationship. Everett is 16.5 months and not even close to weaning. I’m OK with that.

PS:  I just made the “Cloth Rocks” t-shirt he is wearing available for sale in white or black on http://shopddl.com.

At a BWI Meeting

After attending a BWI (Babywearing International Meeting) and seeing a beautiful and comfortable Wrap Conversion (a wrap-long piece of woven fabric- cut and sewn together to make a Mei Tai) I knew I had to have one.  It seemed like it would solve some problems with comfort for longer time periods.  If you get a Wrap Conversion and keep the wrap straps then you have a wonderful hybrid- the ease of a Soft Structure Carrier (like the Ergo/Boba) and the comfortable and adjustability in the straps of a wrap.

One of the other reasons I wanted a Wrap Conversion Mei Tai (WCMT) was so that I could get a higher back carry.  I love back carries and they are more convenient for many occasions, but Everett hated being so low on my back and getting the view of the color shirt I was wearing.  I would attempt a high back carry in a woven wrap but I’ll admit that I’m not good enough!

I stalked The Baby Wearer’s FSOT for a WCMT.  Anytime one came up for sale it would either have a buckle, be a wrap I didn’t love, or I would love it and I would be too late.  In the meantime I posted my own beloved Beco Butterfly II in Scooters- a Hard to Find print that I stalked for over a year ago for my yet to be born baby Everett.  I love the print, it is still one of my favorites, but the carrier itself wasn’t comfortable enough and it never made it into my rotation.  I knew it was a sought after carrier so I posted it For Trade towards a WCMT and hoped for the best.

Honeycomb-esque Applique on the body

Stars aligned when a Scooters fan offered to trade my BBII towards a Wrap Conversion.  It gets confusing here but somehow this trade was for a brand new custom conversion.  I went for it, ordered the Dolcino Kreta wrap, paid another $100+ for the applique work (and upgraded to a hybrid waist and sweatshirt style hood) and waited.  My end goal was to have the carrier before I left for the ABC Kids Expo.  I needed a carrier I could wear Everett in for many hours at a time and I wanted him on my back.

The carrier made it just in time and I was able to practice with it before the show.  I did get him on my back and we walked around.  It was a very comfortable carrier.  I even carried an entire wooden glider from the basement around to the front of the house with him on my back- I am super woman!

When ABC Kids Came I packed her up and excitedly waited for my chance to wear Everett and show off the most beautiful carrier there.  It was handmade and totally custom to my design.

Instead- I gave myself “busted-arm syndrome” from carrying 20 pounds of baby around for 4 days straight and 6+ hours a day.

Long story short- Ev hated it.  He much preferred to be in a ring sling so I did get to wear him a little on my hip, or I put him in the new Boba 3G on my front.  I even wore him some in the Onya on my back and he enjoyed that the most.  But would he be caught dead in the $300 carrier I had made just for the conference?  Of course not!

That Expo was the hardest few days in recent memory.  There were other factors, not just the carrier.  Everett was overwhelmed and wanted to be held, not “worn.”  In all honesty he isn’t as into being worn as my first son was.  For Everett and I babywearing is a necessity for trips.  A convenience.  For Fletcher and I when he was younger I wore him because he loved it.  I would wear him just to get him to nap, or just for snuggles.  Everett is just not into that kind of babywearing.  I think I am still in denial…

Now I have the most beautiful carrier in the world just sitting in a giant Ikea bag in my coat closet along with my other carriers.  Unlike those other carriers, it never gets pulled out from hiding except every month or two when I decide to give it another chance.  Everett arches and squirms and I take him out.  It pretty much never sees the light of day like my Ring Slings and Soft Structure Carriers.

One day I’m going to ask my husband point blank- are we having another baby?  Because I need to know if I should let this carrier go to a loving home or if I should hoard it for baby #3.  I seriously hate to think that I have something this awesome that I will never get to use!  But after losing my son at Target last week (he ran off and dissapeared in .2 seconds…) it made my ovaries shrivel up so I may no longer be fertile.  For now I have to face facts: I am a Buckle Carrier (usually Boba) kinda girl.

Not me!

Because every other blog that has reviewed the new Onya Carrier has already come up with a clever way to incorporate the brand name into a funny title I decided to keep it simple.  Considering every time I hear the name I then say “All up on-ya” in a male, sexy, deep voice I know how tempting it can be!

I first encountered the Onya at the ABC Kids Expo this past year.  I’ve used a lot of soft structure carriers over the past 3+ years and the SSC is definitely my favorite carrier style.  When I attended the Expo I had my son Everett, who at the time he was 10 months old, so I was planning on babywearing him frequently.  The Onya was one of the carriers I wanted to test out while there.

Before I even go into details about the carrier itself I have to tell you all that the Onya inventor, Diane, is such a nice person.  She really brightened my day!  She explained the various features of the carrier to me and helped me get it on and sized.  We borrowed it for a the evening and returned it the next day.  Just from that time with the carrier I was impressed by it, but more importantly, Everett loved it for the back carry.

When Diane asked if I would like to give it a true review I was totally on board!  I just love trying out new carriers and playing with the buckles and settings!

Once it arrived I didn’t waste anytime.  I unboxed it and pre-adjusted the staps with some guesswork, then tossed Everett onto my back.  Since that day I’ve been using it around the house when he is a bit cranky and needs some mommy closeness and mommy needs to get housework accomplished.  My main use has been at home since the winter cold/snow has kept us from going out as much as we would like.  I have used it out of the house on shopping trips and I even used it outside for a romp in the snow!

Hands down the best thing about this carrier for me has been that the back carry is a bit higher than similar SSC’s.  Everett prefers being worn on the back in the Onya for this reason.  It is pretty obvious that he likes it.  When the baby is younger they are often stuck facing your back.  In the Onya he gets a higher view!

My next favorite feature would be that the back straps unbuckle and allow for criss crossing when performing a front carry.  Rather than reaching around to clip the chest clip on your own back or having someone do it for you, with the Onya you can buckle each strap easily under each arm.  The comfort level is not compromised- in fact I know many mama’s who prefer a criss cross in the back to a clip.  I don’t think one is better than the other, or haven’t noticed a difference.

The straps are insanely easy to adjust.  They glide throughlike BUTTER.  This is mostly a good thing because no one likes having to tug at a strap when you have one hand on a baby and need to get things adjusted quickly.  The only downside I found was when loosening straps it went from tight to way too loose in a split second because they are so smooth.  I had to condition mysef to pull ever so slightly to prevent it.

The waist belt is padded well and nice and wide which in the world of SSC’s means maximum comfort.  The straps are also adequately padded.  They feel a bit stiff (the straps) however and don’t bend/give as much as some other brands.  This could be something that happens over time when they break in, I just won’t know yet.  I also really appreciate the extra step of having multiple stitch lines through the waist belt and straps since it gives it a quality look.

The buckles match well and just feel downright well made.  When it comes to babywearing you want a carrier that has been well made and is safe.  I felt this was very true of the Onya.  Plus it was under development for over 4 years!  That is mighty impressive.

There is a sleep hood that is hidden.  You will need to just unzip it and pull it out.  I like that it is always there when you need it but hidden away.

The chair/seat thing is pretty cool.  It isn’t something that would make me pick it over any other carrier but having it could be to your advantage.  I see the chair seat as a good option for families who frequent those hole in the wall places that don’t cater to families and don’t have high chairs.  Of course in my life we try to make sure our destinations (like a restaurant) are family friendly.  I personally think if something doesn’t have a high chair then they don’t want a family with kids to be there.  And I don’t like that…

I chose to review the The Cruiser which is the cotton version of the Onya.  It currently comes in two color combinations- Dove Chocolate Chip (White/brown) and Leaf Green/ Umber (Green/brown).  One of the reasons I like the Onya is that the White carrier is very different.  It is a neutral color set and won’t totally clash with anything you own.  It is white though so you might see minor dirt on it more than you would on a typical black/brown carrier.  But I love the risk taking nature of it!  If you are more outdoorsy you might prefer the Outback which is a waterproof version of the carrier.

The Seat Chair gives a “poofy” appearance to the carrier.  You can’t take it out at all so there is not way to reduce the poof.

My chosen method of getting my baby on my back (The Super-Man Toss) is a little more difficult to use with this carrier.  The only way I can explain it is that the seat is deeper than most and I can’t get him as deep in it as I need from this method.  I usually have to get my husband or someone else to push my son deeper into the seat.  I do actually like the deeper seat pocket but since I wear him on my back the most it has given me a hard time!

I am a very petite person.  In the Onya I felt I could have tightened my straps a little more.  Everett wasn’t as snug against my back as I wanted.  I am barely 100 pounds (sometimes not even) so for the vast majority of people this isn’t going to be an issue.

You need to be aware before putting the carrier on, how your straps are tightened.  If you leave the straps loose on the side that faces your back (when doing a back carry) you have to tighten them by pulling away from you, backwards.  It is practically impossible 9at least for me) so after having this happen a few times I finally got the memo and would check each time and tighten that strap all the way.

I have enjoyed, and am still enjoying using the Onya Baby Carrier.  It is so clear how much love and thought went into the design.  Often when a first version of a product is released you can nitpick and find little things that could use improving.  I just can’t complain too much about anything.  One day I’m sure they’ll be able to add more color choices and those things come with time.

You can buy the Onya Baby Carrier through their website or from select retailers.  I’d also love it of you could “Like” Onya Baby on Facebook.  They are always posting wonderful words of babywearing wisdom and sage parenting advice.  

The longer I nurse the more I start longing for the days of wearing beautiful, lacy, SEXY bras again.  I know part of this is tied to wanting to feel sexy again, and part is getting over the hump of the after pregnancy/birth lack of *ahem* desire for certain things.  Once that desire is back I would like to start looking more desirable and less “sweatpants.”

Usually nursing and sexy bras don’t go together.  There are many brands offering cozy and comfortable nursing bras.  I should know, I own many of them and wear them on a daily basis.  However, when I get all dressed up I would like to have a bra that matches that feeling.  Something sexy, lacy, feminine, and that still gives me access to nurse my baby.

Enter the Cake Lingerie line of nursing bras.  Out of the “sexy” brands now offered for nursing bras I feel this brand is the sexiest!  I was fortunate enough to get to see their line in person at ABC Kids Expo.  These bras are made better and designed better than the bras I wore before having kids.

Cake Lingerie does make the popular nursing bra option of the “smooth cup” for under T-Shirts, and more day to day wear bras.  For my review I was able to try one of the bras in their Fashion line.  I was sent Coconut Ice (Plunge).  This bra has a lot of details- lace all the way around, pretty pink and black striped fabric on the bust, decorative straps, a oretty black bow in the center, and a multitude of settings on the back for the ever changing pregnant and nursing figure.

After doing some playing around with the straps and adjusting it to my size, I was happy to find a different kind of silhouette than my every day nursing bras achieved.   It wasn’t something I would wear under my everyday tight T-Shirts, but would look pretty awesome under my nice dresses.  It was more of a “bombshell” shape.

It was a challenge for me to decide on a size.  The company uses a different sizing system and I was torn as to what would fit best.  After some translating from the European sizes and talking with Ashleigh from Cake Lingerie, I decided on a 32 D and it was a bit too big in the cup.  I used some padded inserts from a bikini I had laying around in order to test the shape better.  In most other brands from the US I am usually a 32 D- 32 DD.

I loved everything about the bra when it came to the shape, the appearance, the quality, and the attention to details.  The only thing was that my skin didn’t like the lace!  Insert sad face here.  I just couldn’t wear this bra all day.  By the late afternoon I was one of those women who walk in from a day out at work/ running errands, who immediately unclasp and throw off their bra. It was kind of funny because I have been wearing shapeless and plain cotton nursing bras for so long I forgot what wearing something “pretty” actually felt like before having babies.  The band with the lace trim caused some itching.  It wasn’t the FIT that made it uncomfortable.  I would like to try their Toffee bra in the future; with no lace I expect it would be much more comfortable for longer periods of time.  It is also the ONLY nursing bra with a convertible strap option!

One thing that is nice about the shape of this bra is the wide set straps.  Often, with nursing bras your straps are more centered to the cup.  Certain shirts require wider straps or else they will be visible.  I like to wear this bra with my Toni Top, and even though that top is so wide set they somtimes sneak out, this is a bra that works with it.  Plus the straps are pretty, black, and lacy, so it works.

I was so impressed with the company and I’m thrilled that I met them at ABC Kids.  They really understand what goes into making a maternity and nursing bra.  They offer a huge variety of sizes, including Plus Sizes, and styles.  I’ve never talked to a man who knows more about nursing bras than Keith, who was at the booth during ABC Kids.

I’m going to be stalking Zulily and hope that Cake Lingerie comes back so that I can try one of their other bras.  Admittedly, their price is high at around 59.00 per bra.  After you have tried a lot of cheaper bras and realize how quickly they wear out their welcome and lose shape you start thinking of more expensive bras as an investment.  It has been a gradual shift in my thinking.  But, I still prefer saving money when I can, which is why I try catching good brands like Cake Lingerie on sale.

You can also find Cake Lingerie at A Mother’s Boutique here in the US in select styles.  If you are unsure of your size I know Judy will answer your questions.

*some links are affiliate links.

{Email subscribers should click over to see the embedded video} I love spending time with my family during the Holidays.  This means there are get togethers and maybe even a party or two.  These events, at least in my family, are LOUD and packed with people you see only once or twice a year and some people you see often.

As much as I advocate for women to nurse in public I will admit that I am nervous about nursing in front of my own family.  I haven’t put my finger on the reason.  Part of it could be that I am not very comfortable around some of my family members to begin with, and part could be the fear of slipping and showing more of my breast than I would like to.

I do not use covers and don’t plan to start now.  Everett wouldn’t have it either.  He is also a very distracted nurser so I have to either find a quiet place to nurse him, or come armed with items that make it easier for him to nurse without popping off every 5 seconds and exposing my nipple.

When I went to the ABC Kids Expo I was fortunate enough to find a few things (and came home with them too!) that do just that.  I show them off on my video embedded above, but I’ve also written more about them.

The first is the Toni Top designed by the same woman who masterminded the (uh-ma-zing) Pumpease Handsfree Nursing Bra.  The Toni Top is meant to be worn by women who are pregnant, nursing, or not nursing.  It doesn’t look like a maternity or breastfeeding top.  In fact, it is one of the most stylish tops in my wardrobe right now.  The criss-crossed panels move up or down to allow you to nurse discreetly.  I demo-ed the top at ABC and was able to easily keep myself covered whenever Ev decided, on a whim, to pop off.  It makes nursing a distracted toddler easy.  I will say that you have to find just the right nursing bra to work with the top since it is cut in a diamond shape.  Your bra will need straps that are wider set.  I have found my HOTMilk and Cake Lingerie to be the best fit, however they still can show.  I do usually just  put a black tank top with 1 inch straps on under.  These will cover my straps.  I would also love for it to come in an XS and more colors, perhaps a goldenrod yellow or avocado green?! (I just saw that Smoke is the next color and they will have a pencil skirt to match.  I need them BOTH!)

My second “MUST HAVE” for nursing in public and keeping Everett happy and contained is my Mommy Necklace.  I’ve been a fan since I discovered them early in my first son’s life, so almost 3 years ago now.  I only have a couple but I could easily buy more if my wallet let me.  Mommy Necklaces are designed to be handled by babies but look stylish.  They have various styles, lengths, and pendant choices.  I prefer the dangling donut myself.

When you really need a baby to be entertained you will want to bring out the big guns…. the Nourish.  Nourish is the classier cousin of the Snazzy.  I used to use the Snazzy when I was flying and needed to keep the little hands occupied.  Nourish is a more toned down version of  Snazzy.  It still has a lot of color to it, but it keeps to a jewel tone family and not primary colors and rainbows.  The beads are more rounded in case you are babywearing (the Snazzy had a few square beads and Raelynn explained her reason for changing this was for babywearing in case the baby was laying on it) but it is still a fun necklace for the baby to explore.

Another option in the necklace department would be Teething Bling.  It is more simple than a Mommy Necklace but provides something for the babies to nibble on and the large donut is easily palmed.  They offer a variety of colors and some patterns.  I have a bronze and black and wear them both; they happen to match most of my wardrobe.

A Mother’s Boutique saw my post of me nursing my son in the Toni Top and said I was so pretty in it (Judy, I had to tell someone!) that she would love me to review it and would love to sponsor a giveaway.  I had planned on posting about the top at some point anyways since I love it so much, so a giveaway in conjunction is just icing on the cake!  In case you aren’t aware, Judy is the Boobie Whisperer and can help any of you find the perfect nursing bra.  She offers virtual fittings too.

Now for the Giveaway!!!  I will be giving a Toni Top away to one lucky DDL reader.  I also have a Nourish Necklace that I was given at ABC Kids to give to one of my readers!  Enter on the Rafflecopter below.  You will need Javascript enabled to enter.

Select links included in this post are affiliate links.  I will receive a small percentage of any purchases made through them , so thank you!

My son at 6:00 am this morning

I didn’t choose to be a co-sleeping parent, it chose me.  If my children would have slept in a crib I probably would have let them.  I would get even less sleep than I do even if they slept all night because I am constantly afraid any sleep time away from me means they are dead.  If my youngest son sleeps longer than an hour in his bed I start checking his breathing.

Co-sleeping is the right choice for my family.  My husband would be fine without it, but most husbands would.  I like to remind him, and myself, that our babies are only babies for a blink of eye in the grand scheme of our lives.  I want to soak up every minute of their baby time.  I’d love to bottle their baby essence and keep it on my night stand for the future times when I will need it.

For now, I still have a baby.  He won’t be one much longer, but he is still my baby.  We have co-slept since day one this time.  I gave birth to him in my bedroom and laid down with him in my bed for our first co-nap.  He sleeps in his bed for naps, and even spends some time in his bed for a few hours at night when we are lucky.  I know he won’t sleep there forever because I’ve already been down this road.  I didn’t ruin my first son for life by sharing a bed with him.  He is now a champion sleeper in his own bedder, and sleeper through the nighter.  He is even better and napping.

I practice Co-Sleeping safely.  My children have never once fallen out of the bed, or been smothered with a pillow.  I’ve certainly never woken to find myself sleeping next to a baby holding a cleaver.  

I make choices for my family based on facts and based on instinct.  The bad publicity co-sleeping gets lead me to believe it was equal to killing babies when I first had my son.  But my instincts, and his, took us down another path.  I will always hold our co-sleeping days together fondly in my heart.  When it ends for Everett and I will be sad, but accepting as we move to a new chapter.

The dangers of Co-Sleeping lie in misinformation, and lack of information.  If parents choose to share a bed with their child they should be aware of the risks and the benefits.  Scaring parents with ads like these doesn’t do any favors foranyone.

*Bang*

That is the sound of me shooting my TV Screen at yet another show that has incorrectly, and dangerously, portrayed a baby being worn in a carrier.

You might be thinking, “Who Cares?  The actor is just wearing a creepy doll, no babies were harmed in the making of that film.”

Hollywood makes money because people, millions of them, watch TV, commercials, and movies.  And then they buy what the actor is wearing, or eat at the restaurant they talk about, or cut their hair the way that actress did, well, you get the picture.

I’m not underestimating the intelligence of every American, but when you see this on the silver screen, some people might actually think that is the proper way to wear a baby in a sling.

Not a purse, that is a baby in a sling

Notice how low and covered the baby is

My Idiot Brother: The fact that this movie (My Idiot Brother) was made very recently, after the CPSC issued a warning about the safety of slings and still chose to portray a baby being worn in such a clearly unsafe manner, is just baffling.

I try to put myself on the set during filming.  Do no mothers (or people with common sense) work on set?  Not a single soul spoke up to the director or actor?

Grey’s Anatomy: Another case of unsafe babywearing was during last season of Grey’s Anatomy.  Mark wore newborn Sophia in an Ergo.  Yes, this is really awesome because in general most shows depict babies facing out in crotch danglers.

Mark wearing the Ergo

Unfortunately he was wearing a newborn in the Ergo without an insert, the chest clip wasn’t fastened, and she was positioned far too low.  This show is seen by over 9 million viewers.  What if just one mother thought this was OK and wore her infant this way?  And what if that baby slid out from the side or suffocated?  That is one baby too many.  The previous week Callie wore Sophia in a ring sling but made it look like a full time job by clutching at the bottom for dear life.  And I wanted to spread the fabric over her shoulder so bad I couldn’t stand it.  {View a clip on Carry Me Away}

Sears: In the “close but no cigar” category is the recent Sears ad that has gotten so much airplay I have seen it at least 5 times, and I don’t get to watch a lot of TV.

A couple is seen shopping for appliances and the mother is seen wearing a small baby (doll) in a STRETCHY WRAP.

Good try, Sears

#Win for putting a lesser known baby carrier out for the world to see.

#Fail for having the poor baby (doll) incorrectly positioned so that it still seems to be hanging way too low, and the face is smushed into the mother’s chest.  Mom is also clutching the baby, likely to hide the fact that it is a doll, but it makes her look uncomfortable with wearing it, as if she thinks the baby will fall out at any moment.  {view commercial here}

Breathe.  

It is just TV.

I just don’t get why it is so hard to portray babywearing correctly.  Real moms do it every day.  We put our baby in our carrier the way they should be worn so that they are safe and comfortable.  Can’t someone behind the scenes take an extra minute to consult the INTERNET, or hell, even read the instruction manual that came with the carrier being filmed, to keep babies in the real world safe?

And my final thought: Hollywood, please stop glorifying the crotch dangler!!!  We babywearing moms love that you are starting to look past the Baby Bjorn to more comfortable carriers…. just do your research before you film the next movie, ok?

SNL almost had it right, I bet those babies are frog legged

Am I overthinking this? I’d also love to hear where else you have seen babywearing on TV or in movies, especially if the baby was worn correctly! I wrote this post for International Babywearing Week because this topic has been nagging me for a long time.